(no subject)
It seems LJ has become the place where I complain about dating. Ironic really, since it's the only one of my blogging things where I don't censor or block things.
Recently, I've been wondering about this whole dating thing. I've taken a break from it because I started wanting to bash men's heads in with a blunt object. Okay, not really... figuratively. Been frustrated with the whole scene so I took a break. Honestly, I don't know why things have been so difficult. If I hear one more person say I have to kiss many frogs to get my prince, I'll a) gag and b) pay to take them to the Sear's tower and throw them off.
The truth is I don't really worry about relationships much. I am not really the settling down type because I tend to get serious and comfortable. It's not that I don't like commitment. It's actually the opposite. I believe in commitment so much that I tend to want to stay committed even when the relationship is past it's expiration date. I guess I just want to find a guy who will want to be with me and not have to think about it twice. Someone who will look at me and be happy to build something together. If I don't find that, I don't think my life will be any less fulfilled. If I don't find that, I just figure my life will be rich in other ways. Commitment is not a dirty word. It's dating that is so awful. Dating and temporary commitment.
I have been known to wear my heart on my sleeve a lot. I've been that person who has fallen in love madly. Fallen in love with the wrong person, fallen in love at the wrong time, and fallen in love to my detriment. I don't want to be that person anymore.
I have to learn to stop taking life so seriously. I don't think I can start dating again until I learn to do that. Right now, all I can think about is how much I want to bang Drew Doughty or Jack Johnson. Things that are stupid and wild fantasies to occupy my brain from feeling like I'm missing out on the great rush to get married before 30. No great rush here. Just a great rush to find myself and build my life on its own.
For the first time in a long while, I don't miss Jeff. I don't miss him as a friend or as a boyfriend. Particularly not as a boyfriend. I loved, I lost, I learned... now it's time for me to learn to be zen about life and love. A tiny part of me is sad that chapter is over. A tiny part that is almost insignificant at this point. The bigger parts of me are happy to be free of that old shell.
Recently, I've been wondering about this whole dating thing. I've taken a break from it because I started wanting to bash men's heads in with a blunt object. Okay, not really... figuratively. Been frustrated with the whole scene so I took a break. Honestly, I don't know why things have been so difficult. If I hear one more person say I have to kiss many frogs to get my prince, I'll a) gag and b) pay to take them to the Sear's tower and throw them off.
The truth is I don't really worry about relationships much. I am not really the settling down type because I tend to get serious and comfortable. It's not that I don't like commitment. It's actually the opposite. I believe in commitment so much that I tend to want to stay committed even when the relationship is past it's expiration date. I guess I just want to find a guy who will want to be with me and not have to think about it twice. Someone who will look at me and be happy to build something together. If I don't find that, I don't think my life will be any less fulfilled. If I don't find that, I just figure my life will be rich in other ways. Commitment is not a dirty word. It's dating that is so awful. Dating and temporary commitment.
I have been known to wear my heart on my sleeve a lot. I've been that person who has fallen in love madly. Fallen in love with the wrong person, fallen in love at the wrong time, and fallen in love to my detriment. I don't want to be that person anymore.
I have to learn to stop taking life so seriously. I don't think I can start dating again until I learn to do that. Right now, all I can think about is how much I want to bang Drew Doughty or Jack Johnson. Things that are stupid and wild fantasies to occupy my brain from feeling like I'm missing out on the great rush to get married before 30. No great rush here. Just a great rush to find myself and build my life on its own.
For the first time in a long while, I don't miss Jeff. I don't miss him as a friend or as a boyfriend. Particularly not as a boyfriend. I loved, I lost, I learned... now it's time for me to learn to be zen about life and love. A tiny part of me is sad that chapter is over. A tiny part that is almost insignificant at this point. The bigger parts of me are happy to be free of that old shell.