(no subject)

[suddenillusions]

2nd entry, read both.

i have no one to go to when life hurts anymore.
there's no one to hug and hold me anymore.

maybe that was my problem.
maybe i was too dependent.

well, i obviously fucked things over royally.
but would it have been any different?
i doubt it. he wants her, and maybe that's all he needs.

i didn't even want a relationship, but you can see how that one screwed me over.
giving in because i cared screwed me over.

because he was sweet.
because i thought he really truly cared about me more than a months worth of shit.
because i thought it wouldn't end the same as all of the others.
because i was horny.
because he was there for me.
because he was really damn good.

i wanted to stay single.
i just wanted to have fun.
and now i'm an emotional wreck because i absolutely suck.
too many things are happening right now.
and i can't handle them.
i can pretend, that's damn easy.
but i dont always want to pretend.
i want someone that i can be open with.
and i thought i'd found that person.
but now he wants nothing to do with me.

nothing.

do you know what that makes me feel like?

nothing.