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12 Step program for recovering Marines.
Marines Anonymous
1. I am a Marine, I have a problem. This is the first
step to recovery...
2. Speech:
-Time should never begin with a zero or end in a
hundred, it is not 0530 or 1400 it is 5:30 in the
morning (AKA God-awful early).
-Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird
looks; floor, bed, work out, get used to it.
-"F *ck" cannot be used to -replace whatever word you
can't think of right now, try "um".
-Grunting is not talking.
-It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone
do not end in "out"
-People will not know what you are talking about if
you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with
the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the
OCAC
3. Style:
-Do not put creases in your jeans.
-Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
-A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.
-A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
-So does a low reg, but not as bad.
-A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it
makes you like the rest of the world.
-you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.
4. Women:
-Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women
are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts
if you treat them like Air Force girls.
-Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not
normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is
your first.
-Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the
barracks does not make
"financial sense", it makes you a retard.
5. Personal accomplishments:
-In the real world, being able to do pushups will not
make you good at your job.
-Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you
tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
-How much pain you can take is not a personal
accomplishment.
-The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety
test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.
6. Drinking:
-In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get
you an intervention, not a "good for you"
-That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in
your closet is not a
conversation starter.
-That time you went to the combat medic school and
practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good
conversation starter
6. Bodily functions:
-Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while
you run away may be
viewed as "unprofessional".
-The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be
funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or
how much it smelled.
-You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no
matter how funny it is
-VD will also not be funny
7. The human body:
-Most people will not want to hear about your balls.
Odd as that may seem, it's true.
8. Spending habits:
-One day, you will have to pay bills
-Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a
really bad idea.
-Spending money on video games instead of on diapers
makes you a fool.
-One day you will need health insurance
9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):
-Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat
will not be normal.
10. Real jobs:
-They really can fire you.
-On the flip side you really can quit.
-Screaming at the people that work for you will not be
normal, remember
they really can quit too.
-Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
-Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800
11. The Law:
-Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not
save you from prison.
-Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and
probably won't, in fact most likely you will fired
about 5 minutes after they find out you've been
arrested
-Even McDonalds does background checks, and
"conviction" isn't going to
help you get the job
-Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you
really arrested, not
yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you
won.
12. General knowledge:
-You can in fact really say what you think about the
President in public.
-Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just
pain.
-They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they
are more important then you are, be polite.
-Read the contracts before you sign them, remember
what happened the first time.
Marines Anonymous
1. I am a Marine, I have a problem. This is the first
step to recovery...
2. Speech:
-Time should never begin with a zero or end in a
hundred, it is not 0530 or 1400 it is 5:30 in the
morning (AKA God-awful early).
-Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird
looks; floor, bed, work out, get used to it.
-"F *ck" cannot be used to -replace whatever word you
can't think of right now, try "um".
-Grunting is not talking.
-It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone
do not end in "out"
-People will not know what you are talking about if
you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with
the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the
OCAC
3. Style:
-Do not put creases in your jeans.
-Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
-A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.
-A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
-So does a low reg, but not as bad.
-A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it
makes you like the rest of the world.
-you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.
4. Women:
-Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women
are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts
if you treat them like Air Force girls.
-Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not
normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is
your first.
-Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the
barracks does not make
"financial sense", it makes you a retard.
5. Personal accomplishments:
-In the real world, being able to do pushups will not
make you good at your job.
-Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you
tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
-How much pain you can take is not a personal
accomplishment.
-The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety
test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.
6. Drinking:
-In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get
you an intervention, not a "good for you"
-That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in
your closet is not a
conversation starter.
-That time you went to the combat medic school and
practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good
conversation starter
6. Bodily functions:
-Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while
you run away may be
viewed as "unprofessional".
-The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be
funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or
how much it smelled.
-You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no
matter how funny it is
-VD will also not be funny
7. The human body:
-Most people will not want to hear about your balls.
Odd as that may seem, it's true.
8. Spending habits:
-One day, you will have to pay bills
-Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a
really bad idea.
-Spending money on video games instead of on diapers
makes you a fool.
-One day you will need health insurance
9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):
-Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat
will not be normal.
10. Real jobs:
-They really can fire you.
-On the flip side you really can quit.
-Screaming at the people that work for you will not be
normal, remember
they really can quit too.
-Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
-Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800
11. The Law:
-Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not
save you from prison.
-Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and
probably won't, in fact most likely you will fired
about 5 minutes after they find out you've been
arrested
-Even McDonalds does background checks, and
"conviction" isn't going to
help you get the job
-Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you
really arrested, not
yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you
won.
12. General knowledge:
-You can in fact really say what you think about the
President in public.
-Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just
pain.
-They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they
are more important then you are, be polite.
-Read the contracts before you sign them, remember
what happened the first time.