Everyone is coming up with new realizations...
Seems like everytime I read someone's LJ, they've come up with new insight that makes them second-guess what they once thought sounded right. I read Eva's journal about the whole moving out thing, and I'll admit, I've been thinking a lot about it lately. I dunno if I'm ready to move out after graduation...with anyone. I'm liking the fact that my mom is welcoming to the fact of me staying at home rent-free and of course, I can come and go as I please. Plus that way I'll be able to save more money. I'm not pissed about Eva not wanting to live with Daryl because of Rebecca's past experience. I can totally understand that. I think Eva, Amanda and I just like the thought of being out on our own thinking it'll be so great cuz we'll be doing what we've been wanting to do forever but then reality hits..hard. I don't even live on my own yet, and I still have little bills here and there. Plus I buy all of my own things. I like buying my own things, don't get me wrong. but that's just it, i LIKE doing that...if i'm out on my own, it's gonna be like, "oh shit.. i dont have any money left to buy myself ANYTHING." I've been noticing that a lot of my friends that are seniors now are all starting to be like, "oh shit..there's only like 6 months of school left and then what?" not even 6 months now. It went by quick. I just think my best bet right now is saving my money for the future. I think I should start college at home. Plus it's not like I have my family backing me up on moving out because they all think i won't be ready to financially after graduation. They're probably right though. I mean they have been doing this longer than me. I dunno just a lotta shit is starting to come together and it's making me realize that the real world is a scary place. It's exciting, but scary also. I think (well i almost know) that Eva's pissed at me cuz i didn't stay at her house tonight. Whether she believes it or not that my mom said no is beyond me. I went with Daryl to meet Beth's b/f's (John) mom cuz she's really sick right now. The original plan was to do that and then go to eva's. my mom said it would be too late and with the rain and all. but of course eva's schedule and mine clash. Seems like we never see eachother anymore. It sucks but i dunno it's hard to explain. I feel like she was mad that i didn't go tonight so she just didn't want to really negotiate another night. Well i don't really know what to do about it now, it's out of my hands. She's got jessica anyway, she sees Jessica more than me. I know we're still best friends but it's just like what happened to the days that we used to hang out like every other day? we're both going in odd directions i guess. She's really gonna hate it when i call Metro and tell them i won't be working for them 2morrow. My job offered me more money to stay with them and I'm gonna take it. I'm already 5 months into the place and i dont wanna keep jumping from job to job cuz eventually that'll bite me in the ass. but if anyone has a problem with it, oh well.. deal with it. I'm getting old enough now to make my decisons for me and not worry about who's gonna be mad at me for it in the end. My grandpa's proud of me and it was nice to hear him tell me that today. He thinks i'm making the right decison. I mean really.. i'll be making more money and still keeping 30 hours a week. that's what i need right now. Yeah at metro you can make tips, but that all depends on the customers, not me. at least i know around how much money i'll be getting every 2 weeks consistantly. it'd be so cool to work with my best friend, but like i said earlier, reality is a totally different picture. it's coming everyone...ADULTHOOD and you can either except it and do the right things for yourself, or slack and get fucked in the end. I gotta do what i gotta do, and right now i have to keep this job becuz my mom can barely afford what we have now and i need to help as much as possible. we have very nice things, a nice home, car, clothes, everything. but we have to work to keep it. Not everyone can have slack off money i guess you could say. I've accepted this and i take on the challenge. i have so many thoughts running through my head. i feel like i'm losing friends but at the same time, i've gained a lot of good ones in the last couple of months. you're not gonna like everyone you meet or work with but you can't change everything in your life to accomodate to yourself. you can't always be around people you like being with. that's life and it fuckin sux but we have to learn to just go with life. i think i'll end this here.. i'm probably going to piss someone off with this entry, but at this point all i'm gonna say is FUCK IT. bye!