Sooooooooooooo....
How many times in your life do you have something you love doing... that for one second makes you forget all your misgivings and insecurities and for a moment you realize you do have something to offer in the world. How often do you lose something that was such a great outlet for pain and pent-up feelings. How do you deal with thousands of hours and thousands of dollars being wasted... just down the drain? There's no feeling like playing a song and the whole room seems to freeze, you continue playing thoughtlessly, effortlessly, concentrating fully on the crowd and you realize... they LOVE you... they relate to what your saying and appreciate what you are doing. I may NEVER have that feeling again... And it pisses me off and makes me want to cry...
I in effect kicked Jeremy out of Project Akimbo tonight... I didn't want to but have no choice... He won't play ANYTHING... and booking a single show is a constant struggle. Good for him for taking a stand and trying to be a man for the first time in his life... his heart's in the right place... And you should never feel sorry for making a decision for Jehovah...
But I feel I deserve some gratitude... Shame on the people who tell him, the band is a bad influence. Who was there when he was in the spiritual crapper? I was... Without the band giving him something positive to do he might not even be serving Jehovah right now... Without the band, he wouldn't have any of the friends he has right now. I irritated that his "confidential friends" will counsel him about playing shows, friends that never took an interest in him before he was pioneering, friends that never came to see us play EVER... I pushed him to pioneer for 2 1/2 years... listened patiently when every girl broke his heart, treated him like a brother... shared every crap experience that's happened to me, hoping that he might learn from my mistakes... WHERE WERE THEY????????????????
Nothing is ever ideal... the band situation hasn't been ideal since Zach left suddenly. I would love to be in an all witness band again... in fact it will probably happen... but it won't be the same... we'll probably still play ska-fest with Mustard Plug, and a few other shows.
I know everyone is going to come and try to chastise me for saying some of the things I said... but I'm sorry, that's how I feel. And you would feel the same way if you invested so much hard work, time and money into something.. and have people completely ignorant of what's going on actively try to destroy it... and the thing that sucks? Their intentions are noble... I can't be mad at their intentions, only their self-imposed ignorance.
I'm so freaking pissed at the world right now, I've forgotten all the fun and good times I've had... All I asked for was one more summer, a few more shows... I have to grow up completely after that... I'll be on my own soon and married soon after that... not that that scares me... I look forward to it... but how many people can look back on their youth and say they've done what I have... played shows with one of their favorite bands... get complimented by bands that have been playing for years, get a crowd of 600 people off their feet and in the air... dancing and cheering for you... and all the while pioneering continuously for for 5 1/2 years. Not many. I guess I should be grateful, it's been a blast... but I really wanted one more summer.
I've come to my senses,
That I've become senseless,
I could give you lessons on how to ruin your friendships,
Every last conviction, I smoked them all away,
I drank my frustrations down the drain, out of the way,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
Someone so tired of their routines and disappearing self-esteems,
I'll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I'm the king of catastrophies,
I'm so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it's fine by me,
I'm my own worst enemy
I could be an expert on co-dependency,
I could write the best book on underage tragedy,
I've been spending my time at the local liquor store,
I've been sleeping nightly on my best friends kitchen floor,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
I'm so over-dosed on apathy and burnt out on sympathy.
Let the meaning slip away
Lost my faith in another day,
Self deprication seems okay,
I never thought I'd make it anyway
I in effect kicked Jeremy out of Project Akimbo tonight... I didn't want to but have no choice... He won't play ANYTHING... and booking a single show is a constant struggle. Good for him for taking a stand and trying to be a man for the first time in his life... his heart's in the right place... And you should never feel sorry for making a decision for Jehovah...
But I feel I deserve some gratitude... Shame on the people who tell him, the band is a bad influence. Who was there when he was in the spiritual crapper? I was... Without the band giving him something positive to do he might not even be serving Jehovah right now... Without the band, he wouldn't have any of the friends he has right now. I irritated that his "confidential friends" will counsel him about playing shows, friends that never took an interest in him before he was pioneering, friends that never came to see us play EVER... I pushed him to pioneer for 2 1/2 years... listened patiently when every girl broke his heart, treated him like a brother... shared every crap experience that's happened to me, hoping that he might learn from my mistakes... WHERE WERE THEY????????????????
Nothing is ever ideal... the band situation hasn't been ideal since Zach left suddenly. I would love to be in an all witness band again... in fact it will probably happen... but it won't be the same... we'll probably still play ska-fest with Mustard Plug, and a few other shows.
I know everyone is going to come and try to chastise me for saying some of the things I said... but I'm sorry, that's how I feel. And you would feel the same way if you invested so much hard work, time and money into something.. and have people completely ignorant of what's going on actively try to destroy it... and the thing that sucks? Their intentions are noble... I can't be mad at their intentions, only their self-imposed ignorance.
I'm so freaking pissed at the world right now, I've forgotten all the fun and good times I've had... All I asked for was one more summer, a few more shows... I have to grow up completely after that... I'll be on my own soon and married soon after that... not that that scares me... I look forward to it... but how many people can look back on their youth and say they've done what I have... played shows with one of their favorite bands... get complimented by bands that have been playing for years, get a crowd of 600 people off their feet and in the air... dancing and cheering for you... and all the while pioneering continuously for for 5 1/2 years. Not many. I guess I should be grateful, it's been a blast... but I really wanted one more summer.
I've come to my senses,
That I've become senseless,
I could give you lessons on how to ruin your friendships,
Every last conviction, I smoked them all away,
I drank my frustrations down the drain, out of the way,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
Someone so tired of their routines and disappearing self-esteems,
I'll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I'm the king of catastrophies,
I'm so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it's fine by me,
I'm my own worst enemy
I could be an expert on co-dependency,
I could write the best book on underage tragedy,
I've been spending my time at the local liquor store,
I've been sleeping nightly on my best friends kitchen floor,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
I'm so over-dosed on apathy and burnt out on sympathy.
Let the meaning slip away
Lost my faith in another day,
Self deprication seems okay,
I never thought I'd make it anyway