You know that feeling...
You know that feeling when you take your glasses off... and you've been wearing them so long it still feels like you have them on? I'm starting to have that feeling with my apron... right now I look down forgetting I don't have the green monster on.
Work was ok, the time passed by super quickly.
I got to talk to Tymias tonight and it made me feel better... because it was about stupid stuff I always hold inside... cause my secret is I pretend not to be petty; that I don't let little things bother me, that I don't get jealous, or so frustrated I wanna scream. I pretend that minor events don't hold sway over my life, and that I can let hurtful things just bounce off me. I admitted I'm human, and I talked about all those little things that bother me and how things have made me feel and it was nice.
And I'm terrified and sad, because nobody loves me any more... and I'm so sick of being second place in everyone's eyes. I'm tired of feeling ugly, and fat, and stupid, and boring, and depressing and tired. I'm sick of being alone. But I'm tired of hearing... you can come if you want... cause the last thing I want is to be somewhere I'm not wanted.
And as honest as you may think I'm being right now, there's so much I hold inside. It's like I just want to dump it all out to you... but I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to think I'm so easily hurt. Don't want to be seen as jealous. Don't want to make you tell me you don't love me, even though I know you don't, and other people tell me you don't. I'm tired of venting and saying everything, feeling good, and then basically having it not do any good... it just gets ignored and then it builds back up again. I'm tired of absorbing everything, and loving you so much more than I love myself. I miss how things used to be before everything. I miss attention and affection.
And know what? I am a fun person... I love being happy and laughing, and making people laugh. And playing guitar and snowboarding and dancing and doing somersaults. Basketball, football, movies, plays, reading, rollercoasters and concerts. I miss the absolute simplicity of these things and wonder if I can even appreciate the point of them anymore. I wonder if people remember that, cause sometimes even I forget.
People think I'm selfish but I don't care
When I find a good thing I don't like to share
When it comes to love it never turns out right
It starts with a smile and ends with a fight over you
I'm tired of walking backwards
You're so afraid to lose
I'm never giving up on you
No matter what you say
No matter what you do
I'm never giving up on you
Laughing in my room as I watch Southpark
I wonder who it is outside that makes my dog bark
Open up the door to my long lost friend
She wouldn't settle down I think she's slipping again over you
I remember when she said that anything goes
As I rolled my eyes she put her pride up her nose
I said it's gonna get her but she don't care
Because her mommy didn't love her and her daddy wasn't there
I'm tired of walking backwards
You're so afraid to lose
I'm never giving up on you
No matter what you say
No matter what you do
I'm never giving up on you.
I have to work again tomorrow... but it's with Tymias so it should be ok... I am now officially calling the Grande Caramel Frappucino a School Girl cause it seems like 14 year old girls are the only people daft enough to keep ordering the things when it's 40 degrees out.
When are the colors going to change? And my hair is getting long and it drives me insane... and my head feels like it itches even though I know it really doesn't... I'm going crazy.
Goodnight.
Work was ok, the time passed by super quickly.
I got to talk to Tymias tonight and it made me feel better... because it was about stupid stuff I always hold inside... cause my secret is I pretend not to be petty; that I don't let little things bother me, that I don't get jealous, or so frustrated I wanna scream. I pretend that minor events don't hold sway over my life, and that I can let hurtful things just bounce off me. I admitted I'm human, and I talked about all those little things that bother me and how things have made me feel and it was nice.
And I'm terrified and sad, because nobody loves me any more... and I'm so sick of being second place in everyone's eyes. I'm tired of feeling ugly, and fat, and stupid, and boring, and depressing and tired. I'm sick of being alone. But I'm tired of hearing... you can come if you want... cause the last thing I want is to be somewhere I'm not wanted.
And as honest as you may think I'm being right now, there's so much I hold inside. It's like I just want to dump it all out to you... but I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to think I'm so easily hurt. Don't want to be seen as jealous. Don't want to make you tell me you don't love me, even though I know you don't, and other people tell me you don't. I'm tired of venting and saying everything, feeling good, and then basically having it not do any good... it just gets ignored and then it builds back up again. I'm tired of absorbing everything, and loving you so much more than I love myself. I miss how things used to be before everything. I miss attention and affection.
And know what? I am a fun person... I love being happy and laughing, and making people laugh. And playing guitar and snowboarding and dancing and doing somersaults. Basketball, football, movies, plays, reading, rollercoasters and concerts. I miss the absolute simplicity of these things and wonder if I can even appreciate the point of them anymore. I wonder if people remember that, cause sometimes even I forget.
People think I'm selfish but I don't care
When I find a good thing I don't like to share
When it comes to love it never turns out right
It starts with a smile and ends with a fight over you
I'm tired of walking backwards
You're so afraid to lose
I'm never giving up on you
No matter what you say
No matter what you do
I'm never giving up on you
Laughing in my room as I watch Southpark
I wonder who it is outside that makes my dog bark
Open up the door to my long lost friend
She wouldn't settle down I think she's slipping again over you
I remember when she said that anything goes
As I rolled my eyes she put her pride up her nose
I said it's gonna get her but she don't care
Because her mommy didn't love her and her daddy wasn't there
I'm tired of walking backwards
You're so afraid to lose
I'm never giving up on you
No matter what you say
No matter what you do
I'm never giving up on you.
I have to work again tomorrow... but it's with Tymias so it should be ok... I am now officially calling the Grande Caramel Frappucino a School Girl cause it seems like 14 year old girls are the only people daft enough to keep ordering the things when it's 40 degrees out.
When are the colors going to change? And my hair is getting long and it drives me insane... and my head feels like it itches even though I know it really doesn't... I'm going crazy.
Goodnight.