(no subject)
OKAY SO I DON'T UPDATE MUCH!!! sorry! but yea, nothing big has happened....still workin, but no schoolin now that we're on winter break (HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ME!) SO! i have some of my grades....A in orientation (woohoo) C in drug dosage (boooo danny did better than me) B in Psychology (hates that) AND A B IN ANATOMY AND PHYSIOLOGY (hell yea! woooooooohoooooooo)i'm so freakin psyched bout all this stuff...all i'm waitin on now is my English grade......i should have a b in there or so...maybe a c, it'll suck if it's a c. OK, so now that i've updated my life, i shall post a few jokes.....
Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, POOF-she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, POOF-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood." "This will be noted." Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Four women are in a retirement home talking about their sons and playing bridge. The first one says her son's a lawyer and he's so rich, he bought two Porsches, one for himself, and one for his best friend. The second woman says her son is a doctor and is so rich, he bought two speedboats, one for himself, and one for his best friend. The third woman says that her son is the CEO of a computer company and is so rich, that he bought two mansions, one for himself and one for his best friend. Then all three of the woman turn to Edna, the last one. Edna says, "My son is a homosexual and doesn't have to do anything because his boyfriends gave him a Porsche, speedboat and a mansion."
And that, ladies, is how you do it!
Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, POOF-she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, POOF-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood." "This will be noted." Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Four women are in a retirement home talking about their sons and playing bridge. The first one says her son's a lawyer and he's so rich, he bought two Porsches, one for himself, and one for his best friend. The second woman says her son is a doctor and is so rich, he bought two speedboats, one for himself, and one for his best friend. The third woman says that her son is the CEO of a computer company and is so rich, that he bought two mansions, one for himself and one for his best friend. Then all three of the woman turn to Edna, the last one. Edna says, "My son is a homosexual and doesn't have to do anything because his boyfriends gave him a Porsche, speedboat and a mansion."
And that, ladies, is how you do it!