strange that this journey should lead me here...
After a night of no sleep. I don't know why, I just couldn't get to sleep, I caught up a few hours this morning. But, I'm still pretty tired..., I'll catch up soon, hopefully. That's not really what I'm thinking about though. I need to start thinking about whether or not the people I'm involving myself with, emotionally and/or physically are really good enough for me. And perhaps they aren't. Perhaps I'm just settling. Everyone else would laugh at that statement probably and call me conceited. But, Sometimes that thought occurs to me, and I'm not sure if it's true or not...because it's such a change. I just feel really confused about who I am when I come home...or perhaps it isn't being confused, and instead it's more reassuring that I'm not who I'm pretending to be. And maybe that's because I'm not content with myself. And in that case, is everyone else just settling for me?...HM. Oh these thoughts...Don't worry, I'm not taking any of them too seriously. They just seem to taunt me sometimes. I think overall I'm not wanted enough...and perhaps not wanting enough. It's a give to get type of thing, something I haven't figured out how to do yet, because I'm being so careful not to care too much. But on the other side of things, I'm wanting so much to give my all in everything I do...So, I don't know.
I bought Sals present yesterday. And then I got myself some Vanilla Chai. We put our tree up, it's only 12 ft this year...and I would be disappointed if it weren't the perfect Christmas Tree, Ever. I'm serious, this tree is the perfect shape, it looks almost fake because it's the perfect shape with the perfect decorations, it's absolutely beautiful. I talked to Peter about the East Coast and it made me so happy to hear him be excited about it. I love it. Anyway...I better stop rambling now.
xoxo