I could only thank god it was not too late....
- must not like boy
- practice the trumpet
- clean my room
- sleep
well...that takes care of my list of to-do's. I mean, is it really worth all the struggle? and all the emotional "blah"? It might be..but not right now. Sure, he's charming, intelligent, and so creative...but also I know that..there is a time and a place for everything. And now, is neither the time or the place.
(I think what I'm really upset about is that I feel like I've changed so much since last year and I'm not really being treated like I have. And it's not that I was a completely different person last year, but I just know that there were so many things having a negative effect on my thought process, that the overall outcome wouldn't have been good, no matter what type of situation I was put in. I'm not gonna lie, at the time, I thought I could just escape from thinking about those feelings and what I didn't realize was that each time I reacted in a certain way to ANYTHING that it was putting a sort of imprint on the way people feel about me. And, it's hard to explain to anyone what I've been through. It's hard to just be like, no I've changed, just one more shot..please...(?) Because..I know if I were on the other side of things, I wouldn't believe me.)
However, I know when there's bullshit and I also know how to read people, really well....and sometimes...I just want to get to the point. I also know that the more I ignore him, the more he wants to be around me and talk to me...but unfortunately, as usual...Well...Whatever. I guess it's not that important. I mean, they're just feelings. Sometimes, feelings are meant to be felt "just because". But, I know if he felt the same way, I wouldn't have to make that excuse. I'm tired and I'm tired of being lonely. Perhaps this is getting too personal. But, it's just what I think sometimes. It's the idea of a comfortable consistancy that really intrigues me. Is there such a thing?
xoxo