(no subject)
Shit has gone down hill. Real fuckin fast. I'm so worried and afraid. I don't know what's going to happen. This could be it for me, and I don't even really know for sure. My plans for the future, my hopes for success, even my life. Everything is at stake right now.
I'm praying that things are not as serious as I think they are. I'm so overridden with anxiety and stress. If this turns out to be as bad as it is, my life is over. There will be nothing left for me but slow death and the embarrassment of being another statistic and something worse in the eyes of everyone close to me, I'm afraid. I made some bad choices in the past...
I just want this all to blow over and for everything to be fine. I have been in tears for days now, and so sick from the stress that I cannot sleep or hardly go through an entire day at work. I can't even explain in depth how I really feel because I don't want to expose my utter most fear. It's just too much for me.
Please, please, please if I can manage to come out of this situation absolutely fine and clean, I promise that I will never ever put myself in this place again. I will quit most of my bad habits and clean up my life for the better. I will make sure that I live to the fullest and make myself into what I want to be and go where I want in life... I feel so bleak and hopeless right now, more so than ever. More than when I went through my pathetic anorexia stage. This is serious now... And I'm all alone. I can't confide in anyone. I can't tell them what I'm going through, even if it turns out to be the worst case scenario.
I'm pretty sure that in this worse case scenario that I'm imagining, suicide would be my only option left. It would be a death sentence within itself. Why not save myself the humiliation and disgrace and be done with it?
I'm praying that things are not as serious as I think they are. I'm so overridden with anxiety and stress. If this turns out to be as bad as it is, my life is over. There will be nothing left for me but slow death and the embarrassment of being another statistic and something worse in the eyes of everyone close to me, I'm afraid. I made some bad choices in the past...
I just want this all to blow over and for everything to be fine. I have been in tears for days now, and so sick from the stress that I cannot sleep or hardly go through an entire day at work. I can't even explain in depth how I really feel because I don't want to expose my utter most fear. It's just too much for me.
Please, please, please if I can manage to come out of this situation absolutely fine and clean, I promise that I will never ever put myself in this place again. I will quit most of my bad habits and clean up my life for the better. I will make sure that I live to the fullest and make myself into what I want to be and go where I want in life... I feel so bleak and hopeless right now, more so than ever. More than when I went through my pathetic anorexia stage. This is serious now... And I'm all alone. I can't confide in anyone. I can't tell them what I'm going through, even if it turns out to be the worst case scenario.
I'm pretty sure that in this worse case scenario that I'm imagining, suicide would be my only option left. It would be a death sentence within itself. Why not save myself the humiliation and disgrace and be done with it?