(no subject)
So many racing thoughts. I don't know what to do about it. I'm lonely. I miss Lura, and Fang, too. God, why did they have to move? They should have just stayed here, where they belong. I hate change. I hate it. I want everything to stay the same.
And then on Saturday I've got a placement test to take, which I know I'll fail. It's just a placement test, but Jesus, I haven't done this shit in years. I can't remember any of it, and on top of that, I've been smoking so much weed lately, I'm a fucking retard. I know that I need to study, it's just getting motivated.
It's the weed. I hate it. It's fucked up. It fucks me up in the head. I can't stand it, but I can't stand being without it. I can't be happy without it. I get irritable and extremely anxious when I know I can't get it.
I need to just get off of the weed. Just stop smoking it, and never look back. It's useless... It's a waste of time, it's a waste of my life. It's a waste of money. It just makes dealing with this eating disorder and everything else that's going on that much more difficult, and I want it to stop.
Here are my list of goals for the rest of the week, starting today:
1) Stop smoking pot today.
2) STUDY, STUDY, STUDY!!! THIS OUTRULES EVERYTHING.
3) Workout every morning or night, and go jogging everynight.
4) Eat my meals, and eat enough.
This is totally doable.
And then on Saturday I've got a placement test to take, which I know I'll fail. It's just a placement test, but Jesus, I haven't done this shit in years. I can't remember any of it, and on top of that, I've been smoking so much weed lately, I'm a fucking retard. I know that I need to study, it's just getting motivated.
It's the weed. I hate it. It's fucked up. It fucks me up in the head. I can't stand it, but I can't stand being without it. I can't be happy without it. I get irritable and extremely anxious when I know I can't get it.
I need to just get off of the weed. Just stop smoking it, and never look back. It's useless... It's a waste of time, it's a waste of my life. It's a waste of money. It just makes dealing with this eating disorder and everything else that's going on that much more difficult, and I want it to stop.
Here are my list of goals for the rest of the week, starting today:
1) Stop smoking pot today.
2) STUDY, STUDY, STUDY!!! THIS OUTRULES EVERYTHING.
3) Workout every morning or night, and go jogging everynight.
4) Eat my meals, and eat enough.
This is totally doable.