This is going into a book called ' The Dark Season'
Bad Vibes
an informal essay on love and life
By: Jim E. Cooper
Formal Preface
knowing thyself
if you've ever felt like life was too much to handle then you probably suffer from a normalcy complex resembling the one I recently overcame
knowing the self that does not know you
but aside from any of that something keeps the little wheels turning around the axis in your head which is tilted twenty three degrees like the axis of the earth and it too will someday begin wobbling and eventually fall off into the chaotic flux of the universe and meet it's fate at several hundred billion miles per hour against another body of fast moving condensed energy
excersising one's capacity for discerning
even the most maticulously crafted and intricatley constructed philosophical nihilism won't eleviate you from the here or the now. you is necassarily here; and now, you must do something. remember: not all things that you has done are deeds that must have been done. in fact, most deeds aren't even things
how to say no(a primer)
fuck you, eat shit, cunt, faggot and hang yourself so that the world will be relieved of your psychic burden along with various other such helpful suggestions and observations only appear profane to those whose personal agendas are situated contrarily to them. an adept imperialist for example is far too busy fucking you while forcing cunts and faggots to eat shit to consider the true virtue of any such notion, specifically the virtue of hanging themself
skills profile of an actor and architect
the yes and no instinct or hammer and nails or brick and mortar or chemistry and math will sufficiently expidiate the full conscious creation of one's self. the depth, scope, tint, hue and intensity of one's relationship to suffering or the understanding and representing instinct will determine the amount of attention which one's own myth or mask will atttract from other masks each with their own myth
a serious question with a silly answer
who is to say that life should be lived? you? the gladiator? let the answer be whispered amongst those who are condemned to wrestle the lions or written in one's own blood on the arena floor, or chanted aloud by spectators, bystanders, peasants and noblemen while the gladiator stands triumphant, bloody sword shimmering in the midday sun, in the hieght of the glory of the gods
enough prattle
As previously noted, all of this has been overcome. Yet still here we stand, right now, in the real world, with a quiver full of questions and those obvious, obsolete answers as targets. Only once they are struck through the heart and have bled to death before us will they be reborn then hunted and killed again.
And the question of true and not true? a relativistsic, qualitative, question of aim.
Seriously, enough prattle.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1
The Curtailing of Rampant Assholism
Asshole or whole-ass?
Their is an asshole inside of each and every one of us. Some of us are completley consumed by the archetypal asshole. Others have, through analysis and self discipline, wrangled their once wayward asshole. Total asshole control is achieved only by thouroughly probing the depths of one's own inner-asshole.
Me and my asshole
A nice man whom I did not know once approached me on the street. He smiled politley and asked me if I had the time. I looked at my watch, smiled back, then said no.
- At weddings, when the priest says, "does anyone see any reason why these two should not be wed?" I always jump up and say, "Yea!" Then the priest says, "well what is it?" I shout back, "Fuck You." Then just walk away.
- I also like going funerals, just to watch people cry. I wait for the eulogy to start then pull the fire alarm. If it's an old women's funeral I wait until everyone has left the room then use a sharpee marker to draw a moustache on her face, that is, if she doesn't have one already.
- Also, I shop at walmart.
The origins of my asshole
When I learned, for the first time, that Santa Claus wasn't a jolly old elf from the north pole who delivered presents on Christmas morning because he loved all the children of the world, but that he was in fact a fat drunk with a fake beard who worked at the mall and got shit faced everynight on cheap rum then beat his wife just before passing out on in the driveway and shitting himself.
- Here's to you dad. Without you I may have never come to such a thorough understanding of assholes and assholism.
- And here's to the tooth fairy, without her I'd have nothing real to believe in. And no money. And teeth.
Stop Being An Asshole -- A Mantra, A Lifestyle
Science has proven that four out five Americans suffer from an acute enflamage of the non-literal anus; more commonly known as assholism. The primary symptom of assholism is an inability to recognize when one's self or another is being an asshole. Medical experts commonly refer to this phenomenon as asshole denial syndrome. To test yourself for asshole denial syndrome simply take note of the people with whom you come into personal contact on any given day. If after five people you haven't encountered one asshole, then you sir are indeed an asshole and should consider one of the following courses of action:
1) Exiling yourself to a small island in the south pacific where you can harm no one but yourself.
2) Having your arms and legs chopped off and your lips sewn shut.
When You Are Weary
Activley not being an asshole can be a tiresome endeavor. If you grow tired of this toil and need a reminder of the importance of your work, go to church.
To Clarify
Not all religious people are assholes. But almost all assholes are religious.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2
General Observations From the Crow's Nest
The Three Great Mysteries of Man
What is the destiny of man? What is the meaning of life? Why are so many people so entertained by daytime telivision?
Solutions to The Three Great Mysteries of Man
The destiny of man is still undetermined. The meaning of life may not be ascertained by one who is still living. Low self esteem.
Every Person is an Artist
When someone lacks the feeling of freedom required to create their own art they get a job.
The Inevitablitly of Working and Suffering
Even the boss of all bosses, who enjoys the highest of luxuries and comforts, works hard each day at passing his lifes labor along to others. The guilt of a sadist is the deepest pain.
What Do You Want To Be When You're Dead?
When I was a wee scamp, adults would always used to ask me what I wanted to be when I was grown up. I would always say, "I don’t know, what do you want to be when you're really old?"
Get Busy Dying
A thorough evaluation of the average human's life would instantaneously absolve any fear of death.
A Man Who Measures Every Aspect of His Life in Financial Terms
He was fired from construction site for building walls that were only four dollars tall.
And Frugality
His ass was so tight it only had one cheek. I once asked him how it is that he takes a crap. "I don't", he replied. I told him he was full of shit.
Poor, Poor Rich People
I know a rich guy who went poor by donating all of his money. He donated some to starving children, he donated some to the church, and he donated the rest to the owner of the liquor store.
Educating The Public
Drug experimentation should be incorporated into mandated education programs. On the first day of high school your whole class should be dosed with LSD and locked into the gymnasium. Whoever survives the weekend and doesn’t get pregnant gets a diploma.
Don't Say Nothing At All
One should not deride the morbidly obese. Looking like a half-deflated blimp is derision enough.
On Depression
Ah drugs, the most effective way to attain the feeling of having done something of great importance without having done anything at all.
Democracy Prevails
Is it surprising that the group of greedy, blood thirsty, oil mongering savages whom "we" "voted" into command of the world's most sophisticated military have gone to war with the country in possesion of one of the largest known oil reserves?
Pro-War
Is it surprising that the majority of U.S. citizens agree that Iraqis should be forced into freedom at gunpoint? Freeze! Put your hands on your head. And slowly, very slowly, do whatever you want.
An Honest President
It is true that the situation in Iraq is going excactly as he had planned it all along.
Voting Is For Dumb People(That's Why It Doesn't Work)
Nuff' Said.
Pushing the Limits of Sheer Stupidity
I knew a guy who thought jet-ski was Polish for airplane. One time he time he invited me over for a lettuce salad but by the time I got to his place he'd forgotten the recipe.
On Hurt
The isolation that every human feels compels them to find a lover, but only so they can see to it that at least one other person suffers as well.
Genuine Love
Genuinley loving someone is a continual endeavor to attain a more thoroughly objective understanding of who they actually are. Genuinley hating someone is just fucking fun.
Warning to Women
The worst of all men have the best pick-up lines.
On Matrimony
Only when two people have come together under a common egostism and vanity does marriage occur.
Whether Allowing Gay Marriages Detracts From The Sanctity of Marriage Itself?
The sanctity of legally enforced, mutual contempt and mistrust?
A More Honest Set of Wedding Vows for Women
I promise to take this man. To discreetly interrogate five nights a week after coming home from the office reeking of liquor and sexual fluids. To never be honest with, as penetrating the flimsy wall of delusion which protects his emmaciated ego from seeing itself as the insatiable vaccum of still warm and vibrant souls that it is may trigger emotional or physical violence. To glide delicatley into early inertia on a gentle cloud of vicadin, valium, xanax, bad soap operas and bannana daquaris which nullify the heart ache that has been brought about by boredom and wasted potential; as long as we both shall live.
A More Honest Set of Wedding Vows for Men
I promise to take this women under God's will, whether it be fucking my secratary in the employee men's room on my lunch break, or fucking my secratary in the alley behind the sports bar just after the work day has ended. And to give her unconditional freedom and assistance in fulfilling her vows to me; as long we both shall live.
God is Gay
If God doesn't like gays then why did he make so many gay bars?
Interaction With a Faith Convertor
He told me that the only thing that that gets him through each day is his passionate love of Christ. "That's funny", I replied, "for me it's a passionate hatred of christians."
Heaven
As far as I’m can tell, spending the duration of time in heaven amongst Christians would be eternal suffering.
Proof Against the Existence of God
There are no flying cars.
Proof That the Collective Potential of Man is Vastly Unrealized
There are no flying cars.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3
En Conclusio
From the perspective of an enlightened and compassionate humanitarian, this world, which is full of assholes, manipulators, rapists, murderers and talk show hosts, is pretty fucking shitty. It's a good thing I'm a hedonistic, self centered, sadistic prick who has no concept of love or caring, otherwise I'd have trouble deriving any pleasure from anything at all.
Yes friends, it's too late for me. My only option is to heed my own recomendation and commit suicide by openly and honestly criticizing the state so frequently and so loudly that they'll have no choice but to send a sharpshooter to take my sorry ass out.
Life is about is about finding your passion, or, better yet, letting the passion find you.
And don't worry, when the time comes, it'll know what to do.
P.S.
Christmas was the aprropriation of an ancient Mithraistic celebration by the Romans in an attempt to convert all of it's citizens to one religion rendering them easier to manipulate, Thanksgiving is the celebration of a holocaust, and Halloween was invented up by a small group of shrewd, depression-era, dentists. Read you're history books.
And to all a goodnight.
an informal essay on love and life
By: Jim E. Cooper
Formal Preface
knowing thyself
if you've ever felt like life was too much to handle then you probably suffer from a normalcy complex resembling the one I recently overcame
knowing the self that does not know you
but aside from any of that something keeps the little wheels turning around the axis in your head which is tilted twenty three degrees like the axis of the earth and it too will someday begin wobbling and eventually fall off into the chaotic flux of the universe and meet it's fate at several hundred billion miles per hour against another body of fast moving condensed energy
excersising one's capacity for discerning
even the most maticulously crafted and intricatley constructed philosophical nihilism won't eleviate you from the here or the now. you is necassarily here; and now, you must do something. remember: not all things that you has done are deeds that must have been done. in fact, most deeds aren't even things
how to say no(a primer)
fuck you, eat shit, cunt, faggot and hang yourself so that the world will be relieved of your psychic burden along with various other such helpful suggestions and observations only appear profane to those whose personal agendas are situated contrarily to them. an adept imperialist for example is far too busy fucking you while forcing cunts and faggots to eat shit to consider the true virtue of any such notion, specifically the virtue of hanging themself
skills profile of an actor and architect
the yes and no instinct or hammer and nails or brick and mortar or chemistry and math will sufficiently expidiate the full conscious creation of one's self. the depth, scope, tint, hue and intensity of one's relationship to suffering or the understanding and representing instinct will determine the amount of attention which one's own myth or mask will atttract from other masks each with their own myth
a serious question with a silly answer
who is to say that life should be lived? you? the gladiator? let the answer be whispered amongst those who are condemned to wrestle the lions or written in one's own blood on the arena floor, or chanted aloud by spectators, bystanders, peasants and noblemen while the gladiator stands triumphant, bloody sword shimmering in the midday sun, in the hieght of the glory of the gods
enough prattle
As previously noted, all of this has been overcome. Yet still here we stand, right now, in the real world, with a quiver full of questions and those obvious, obsolete answers as targets. Only once they are struck through the heart and have bled to death before us will they be reborn then hunted and killed again.
And the question of true and not true? a relativistsic, qualitative, question of aim.
Seriously, enough prattle.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1
The Curtailing of Rampant Assholism
Asshole or whole-ass?
Their is an asshole inside of each and every one of us. Some of us are completley consumed by the archetypal asshole. Others have, through analysis and self discipline, wrangled their once wayward asshole. Total asshole control is achieved only by thouroughly probing the depths of one's own inner-asshole.
Me and my asshole
A nice man whom I did not know once approached me on the street. He smiled politley and asked me if I had the time. I looked at my watch, smiled back, then said no.
- At weddings, when the priest says, "does anyone see any reason why these two should not be wed?" I always jump up and say, "Yea!" Then the priest says, "well what is it?" I shout back, "Fuck You." Then just walk away.
- I also like going funerals, just to watch people cry. I wait for the eulogy to start then pull the fire alarm. If it's an old women's funeral I wait until everyone has left the room then use a sharpee marker to draw a moustache on her face, that is, if she doesn't have one already.
- Also, I shop at walmart.
The origins of my asshole
When I learned, for the first time, that Santa Claus wasn't a jolly old elf from the north pole who delivered presents on Christmas morning because he loved all the children of the world, but that he was in fact a fat drunk with a fake beard who worked at the mall and got shit faced everynight on cheap rum then beat his wife just before passing out on in the driveway and shitting himself.
- Here's to you dad. Without you I may have never come to such a thorough understanding of assholes and assholism.
- And here's to the tooth fairy, without her I'd have nothing real to believe in. And no money. And teeth.
Stop Being An Asshole -- A Mantra, A Lifestyle
Science has proven that four out five Americans suffer from an acute enflamage of the non-literal anus; more commonly known as assholism. The primary symptom of assholism is an inability to recognize when one's self or another is being an asshole. Medical experts commonly refer to this phenomenon as asshole denial syndrome. To test yourself for asshole denial syndrome simply take note of the people with whom you come into personal contact on any given day. If after five people you haven't encountered one asshole, then you sir are indeed an asshole and should consider one of the following courses of action:
1) Exiling yourself to a small island in the south pacific where you can harm no one but yourself.
2) Having your arms and legs chopped off and your lips sewn shut.
When You Are Weary
Activley not being an asshole can be a tiresome endeavor. If you grow tired of this toil and need a reminder of the importance of your work, go to church.
To Clarify
Not all religious people are assholes. But almost all assholes are religious.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2
General Observations From the Crow's Nest
The Three Great Mysteries of Man
What is the destiny of man? What is the meaning of life? Why are so many people so entertained by daytime telivision?
Solutions to The Three Great Mysteries of Man
The destiny of man is still undetermined. The meaning of life may not be ascertained by one who is still living. Low self esteem.
Every Person is an Artist
When someone lacks the feeling of freedom required to create their own art they get a job.
The Inevitablitly of Working and Suffering
Even the boss of all bosses, who enjoys the highest of luxuries and comforts, works hard each day at passing his lifes labor along to others. The guilt of a sadist is the deepest pain.
What Do You Want To Be When You're Dead?
When I was a wee scamp, adults would always used to ask me what I wanted to be when I was grown up. I would always say, "I don’t know, what do you want to be when you're really old?"
Get Busy Dying
A thorough evaluation of the average human's life would instantaneously absolve any fear of death.
A Man Who Measures Every Aspect of His Life in Financial Terms
He was fired from construction site for building walls that were only four dollars tall.
And Frugality
His ass was so tight it only had one cheek. I once asked him how it is that he takes a crap. "I don't", he replied. I told him he was full of shit.
Poor, Poor Rich People
I know a rich guy who went poor by donating all of his money. He donated some to starving children, he donated some to the church, and he donated the rest to the owner of the liquor store.
Educating The Public
Drug experimentation should be incorporated into mandated education programs. On the first day of high school your whole class should be dosed with LSD and locked into the gymnasium. Whoever survives the weekend and doesn’t get pregnant gets a diploma.
Don't Say Nothing At All
One should not deride the morbidly obese. Looking like a half-deflated blimp is derision enough.
On Depression
Ah drugs, the most effective way to attain the feeling of having done something of great importance without having done anything at all.
Democracy Prevails
Is it surprising that the group of greedy, blood thirsty, oil mongering savages whom "we" "voted" into command of the world's most sophisticated military have gone to war with the country in possesion of one of the largest known oil reserves?
Pro-War
Is it surprising that the majority of U.S. citizens agree that Iraqis should be forced into freedom at gunpoint? Freeze! Put your hands on your head. And slowly, very slowly, do whatever you want.
An Honest President
It is true that the situation in Iraq is going excactly as he had planned it all along.
Voting Is For Dumb People(That's Why It Doesn't Work)
Nuff' Said.
Pushing the Limits of Sheer Stupidity
I knew a guy who thought jet-ski was Polish for airplane. One time he time he invited me over for a lettuce salad but by the time I got to his place he'd forgotten the recipe.
On Hurt
The isolation that every human feels compels them to find a lover, but only so they can see to it that at least one other person suffers as well.
Genuine Love
Genuinley loving someone is a continual endeavor to attain a more thoroughly objective understanding of who they actually are. Genuinley hating someone is just fucking fun.
Warning to Women
The worst of all men have the best pick-up lines.
On Matrimony
Only when two people have come together under a common egostism and vanity does marriage occur.
Whether Allowing Gay Marriages Detracts From The Sanctity of Marriage Itself?
The sanctity of legally enforced, mutual contempt and mistrust?
A More Honest Set of Wedding Vows for Women
I promise to take this man. To discreetly interrogate five nights a week after coming home from the office reeking of liquor and sexual fluids. To never be honest with, as penetrating the flimsy wall of delusion which protects his emmaciated ego from seeing itself as the insatiable vaccum of still warm and vibrant souls that it is may trigger emotional or physical violence. To glide delicatley into early inertia on a gentle cloud of vicadin, valium, xanax, bad soap operas and bannana daquaris which nullify the heart ache that has been brought about by boredom and wasted potential; as long as we both shall live.
A More Honest Set of Wedding Vows for Men
I promise to take this women under God's will, whether it be fucking my secratary in the employee men's room on my lunch break, or fucking my secratary in the alley behind the sports bar just after the work day has ended. And to give her unconditional freedom and assistance in fulfilling her vows to me; as long we both shall live.
God is Gay
If God doesn't like gays then why did he make so many gay bars?
Interaction With a Faith Convertor
He told me that the only thing that that gets him through each day is his passionate love of Christ. "That's funny", I replied, "for me it's a passionate hatred of christians."
Heaven
As far as I’m can tell, spending the duration of time in heaven amongst Christians would be eternal suffering.
Proof Against the Existence of God
There are no flying cars.
Proof That the Collective Potential of Man is Vastly Unrealized
There are no flying cars.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3
En Conclusio
From the perspective of an enlightened and compassionate humanitarian, this world, which is full of assholes, manipulators, rapists, murderers and talk show hosts, is pretty fucking shitty. It's a good thing I'm a hedonistic, self centered, sadistic prick who has no concept of love or caring, otherwise I'd have trouble deriving any pleasure from anything at all.
Yes friends, it's too late for me. My only option is to heed my own recomendation and commit suicide by openly and honestly criticizing the state so frequently and so loudly that they'll have no choice but to send a sharpshooter to take my sorry ass out.
Life is about is about finding your passion, or, better yet, letting the passion find you.
And don't worry, when the time comes, it'll know what to do.
P.S.
Christmas was the aprropriation of an ancient Mithraistic celebration by the Romans in an attempt to convert all of it's citizens to one religion rendering them easier to manipulate, Thanksgiving is the celebration of a holocaust, and Halloween was invented up by a small group of shrewd, depression-era, dentists. Read you're history books.
And to all a goodnight.