(no subject)
So I didn't get a part.
It pretty much sucks to be me right now, but I'll get over it, in time. I spent a lot of the day crying during class, I just can't believe that this is the last play and none of us (jess, cws, and me) got in. I really wish just one of us had so I could be really happy for them, but we didnt. It just hurts. I feel like such a loser. I mean I know these auditions were really competitive and everything, but I was really hoping and praying to be cast. It feels like shit to not be. I just wish I'd been in Drama since day 1 so I would have no regrets, but getting into the game so late and then not getting to do that many shows hurts. And if I don't get into Emerson, which I have absolutely no idea about, I'm going to absolutely lose it.
I'm such a loser. I wish this didn't hurt so much.
I had a lot of fun with Caitlin and Shelly today though. When we were all together it didn't seem to hurt so much. But now that I'm by myself I'm losing it again. I feel so stupid for being this upset. I feel so stupid for thinking I would get a part. I just feel shitty.
And I feel like since I'm having such a breakdown over this which means I'll suck in real acting. Like if a rejection from a frigging high school play is hurting this much, how much will a rejection in a play in the real world feel? I'm so out of it. I don't know how to process this.
I feel like a bitch for saying this but I don't know if I can work tech on this show. I'm an actress. I absolutely suck at tech and it's gonna kill me to watch a rehearsal that I don't get to take part in. Even in MCM I hated having to go on Act Two days because I knew I wouldn't be on stage. I'm really just not cut out for that. I'm way too prideful, which sucks.
I dunno. I really wanna just talk to Phelan so I can feel the closure and maybe then I'll be able to work tech.
I'm just so sad right now and karma is hurting so much more than I ever thought it would.
It pretty much sucks to be me right now, but I'll get over it, in time. I spent a lot of the day crying during class, I just can't believe that this is the last play and none of us (jess, cws, and me) got in. I really wish just one of us had so I could be really happy for them, but we didnt. It just hurts. I feel like such a loser. I mean I know these auditions were really competitive and everything, but I was really hoping and praying to be cast. It feels like shit to not be. I just wish I'd been in Drama since day 1 so I would have no regrets, but getting into the game so late and then not getting to do that many shows hurts. And if I don't get into Emerson, which I have absolutely no idea about, I'm going to absolutely lose it.
I'm such a loser. I wish this didn't hurt so much.
I had a lot of fun with Caitlin and Shelly today though. When we were all together it didn't seem to hurt so much. But now that I'm by myself I'm losing it again. I feel so stupid for being this upset. I feel so stupid for thinking I would get a part. I just feel shitty.
And I feel like since I'm having such a breakdown over this which means I'll suck in real acting. Like if a rejection from a frigging high school play is hurting this much, how much will a rejection in a play in the real world feel? I'm so out of it. I don't know how to process this.
I feel like a bitch for saying this but I don't know if I can work tech on this show. I'm an actress. I absolutely suck at tech and it's gonna kill me to watch a rehearsal that I don't get to take part in. Even in MCM I hated having to go on Act Two days because I knew I wouldn't be on stage. I'm really just not cut out for that. I'm way too prideful, which sucks.
I dunno. I really wanna just talk to Phelan so I can feel the closure and maybe then I'll be able to work tech.
I'm just so sad right now and karma is hurting so much more than I ever thought it would.