Wherein I'm a dork

[suchthefangirl]

A few weeks ago I was really depressed. I think I'm actually clinically depressed, so that's nothing new. Sometimes though, I'm more depressed than others. I've never be so bad that I didn't get up (I rarely sleep, so not getting up would be weird), but I can tell when it's really bad. You know that feeling when you just don't care, and everything

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[suchthefangirl]

Every time Hubby goes away he comes back with stories of these awesome people that he's met and is now friends with. I feel so left out. And he gets frustrated about it all. I really can't wait for this book to be done, because when it is, I get to go traveling with him. I will like that.

I don't worry about the depression too much (my kids and husband do, so I guess they can worry for me?). It's literally been decades since I was actively suicidal and if I did get help and still didn't make anything of my life, then I'd have to blame me and not the depression, and I don't think I could handle that? I know, lame excuse, but...

I think the NHS, despite all its problems, is a thing of beauty. I so wish we had the same here. Americans are too stupid for their own good, though.

I was a good girl this week and went out and bought some eggs and bread, so I have breakfast at home now! I've not been able to eat more than two meals a day for ages and ages, but sometimes that means I wait way too long between meals. I am trying.

Speaking of looking after ones self, how are you doing? I've been trying to think massive healthy thoughts at you, I hope they are getting there.

All the hugs.

[phoebesmum]

I have the 'not making anything of my life' concern too - though I suppose I've left it a bit late! As I was getting over the chemo I was starting to stress about how stupid it would be to get over cancer and then go back to my dead-end job ... but I couldn't think what else I could do. Editing is really the only thing I'm good at, but the publishing world is impossible if you don't have the right contacts. Anyway, it's all academic, as I don't know whether I'll ever be able to go back to work. The cancer isn't curable, it's too widespread. It probably won't kill me either, they can keep it under control, but there will likely be surgery and more chemo and who knows what else. What joy, eh? Still, it's better than just lying down and letting it have its way.

D#2 looks absolutely smashing in her glasses. I know that's not the main point of them, but it's a bonus!

xxx

[suchthefangirl]

I have a friend who's in hospital right now because of cancer. Every time either of you is going through anything, I think of both of you. She's been going through this for years and years now. I'm hoping, like her, that you'll be well enough to do stuff again soon? She keeps going back to work until she can't...

Really, I just hope both of you Get Better! Like, now.

Another friend of mine (actually, the other person who commented on this post) works at the local paper. She wants to edit "real things" too, but is finding jobs hard to come by. She's talked about editing freelance. Have you ever thought of that? It would be a cool thing to do when you are feeling up to it. I think there are sites where writers can go to find people who know what they're doing, to edit things like manuscripts and papers and the like. I have another friend who edit's scientific papers written in English by Japanese speakers. She makes them acceptable to the English speaking scientific community (but then, she used to be a scientist, and is a Japanophile, so the work fits her).

My point is, maybe there's a way to do something that you LIKE and get paid for it, and not have to do it when you're not feeling up to it?

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things get better. And soon.

Thank you for the kind words about D#2. I agree, but then, I'm rather biased on the matter!

xoxox