this is love, this is porn
so i have big plans for this entry. i could imagine taking up pages and pages because i have so much on my mind. that will not happen. i'm sure i'll be able to articulate the jist, but anything beyond that will be shit.
i'm totally enjoying my time at home, it seems that all of my friendships with the guys have gotten much tighter. the girls haven't really changed. it just seems that everything is just guy bonding. that is excellent. as the days roll past though, i can't help but feel sad for one reason or another. i'm not entirely sure why. i'm doing nothing productive, actually, i think everything i've been doing is counterproductive. i need a job, but how can i get a job for two weeks? that seems like a shit thing to do to an employer. on top of being a complete waste, i keep realizing that the things that could usually make someone happy or feel good do shit for me anymore. all of the indulgent things i should be enjoying as a kid do nothing. i keep thinking that i need something beyond all of this. something more defining and meaningful. it's actually quite pathetic. i am obviously in control of every aspect of this, but i'll get caught up time and time again in the usual bullshit and look back on it and contemplate what it meant. i think life is just over rated. at least this part of it. everyone says that college are the best years of your life. fuck that. college is shit. college is classes, meaningless friendships, alcohol and drugs, and absolutely nothing to look forward to aside tying myself down to a fucking job for the rest of my life. so what's next?
so i guess this leaves me lost.
maybe college isn't for me. maybe the conventional life isn't for me. maybe i'll figure out what it is i'm looking for.
sweet dreams
i'm totally enjoying my time at home, it seems that all of my friendships with the guys have gotten much tighter. the girls haven't really changed. it just seems that everything is just guy bonding. that is excellent. as the days roll past though, i can't help but feel sad for one reason or another. i'm not entirely sure why. i'm doing nothing productive, actually, i think everything i've been doing is counterproductive. i need a job, but how can i get a job for two weeks? that seems like a shit thing to do to an employer. on top of being a complete waste, i keep realizing that the things that could usually make someone happy or feel good do shit for me anymore. all of the indulgent things i should be enjoying as a kid do nothing. i keep thinking that i need something beyond all of this. something more defining and meaningful. it's actually quite pathetic. i am obviously in control of every aspect of this, but i'll get caught up time and time again in the usual bullshit and look back on it and contemplate what it meant. i think life is just over rated. at least this part of it. everyone says that college are the best years of your life. fuck that. college is shit. college is classes, meaningless friendships, alcohol and drugs, and absolutely nothing to look forward to aside tying myself down to a fucking job for the rest of my life. so what's next?
so i guess this leaves me lost.
maybe college isn't for me. maybe the conventional life isn't for me. maybe i'll figure out what it is i'm looking for.
sweet dreams