(no subject)
this is a rant...but you guys probably feel the same way. maybe? please read it and comment. please.
this christmas was horrible. all i could think about was how things USED TO BE. i really, really miss believing in santa claus. i miss waking up 4 o clock in the morning and opening up easy back ovens and beanie babies and yelling "MOMMY, MOMMY, LOOK! LOOK WHAT SANTA BROUGHT ME!!" i miss going to bed early..waiting for santa. i miss listening closely to see if reindeer were on the roof. i miss leaving milk and cookies for santa! i miss leaving oats and carrots for the reindeer. i miss my little brother sleeping in my room because he was scared of the reindeer. why can't there really be a santa? why can't everyone just believe?.. this subject of missing things soon brought me to other things i miss. i miss 7th grade. i miss sam getting expelled. i miss MY FRIENDS. i miss ricky. i miss being in my friends classes. i am in zero of any of their classes, while they are all together. everytime i see that i just want to cry. i miss recess, the 15 minutes three times a week, that i got to see and talk to these friends. i miss having problems. i miss school being hard! i need a challenge, anything. i miss soccer. i miss softball. i miss talking to ricky on the phone everynight. i miss the baltimore lights. i miss my dad. i miss bianca. i miss anthony, even if he is a douche bag. i miss bianca's family. they are my family too. but most of all..
i miss telling my mom i love her..
i just don't know how to do it anymore! she does so much for me and what do i have to give her back? NOTHING. absolutely nothing. now i'm crying. i hate crying. i really hope my mom does not see me crying, because then she'll just do everything she can to cheer me up. i wish i knew how to cheer my mom up the way she does me.
i'll be okay....really i will. maybe i'll call ricky..but i doubt he's home yet..
this christmas was horrible. all i could think about was how things USED TO BE. i really, really miss believing in santa claus. i miss waking up 4 o clock in the morning and opening up easy back ovens and beanie babies and yelling "MOMMY, MOMMY, LOOK! LOOK WHAT SANTA BROUGHT ME!!" i miss going to bed early..waiting for santa. i miss listening closely to see if reindeer were on the roof. i miss leaving milk and cookies for santa! i miss leaving oats and carrots for the reindeer. i miss my little brother sleeping in my room because he was scared of the reindeer. why can't there really be a santa? why can't everyone just believe?.. this subject of missing things soon brought me to other things i miss. i miss 7th grade. i miss sam getting expelled. i miss MY FRIENDS. i miss ricky. i miss being in my friends classes. i am in zero of any of their classes, while they are all together. everytime i see that i just want to cry. i miss recess, the 15 minutes three times a week, that i got to see and talk to these friends. i miss having problems. i miss school being hard! i need a challenge, anything. i miss soccer. i miss softball. i miss talking to ricky on the phone everynight. i miss the baltimore lights. i miss my dad. i miss bianca. i miss anthony, even if he is a douche bag. i miss bianca's family. they are my family too. but most of all..
i miss telling my mom i love her..
i just don't know how to do it anymore! she does so much for me and what do i have to give her back? NOTHING. absolutely nothing. now i'm crying. i hate crying. i really hope my mom does not see me crying, because then she'll just do everything she can to cheer me up. i wish i knew how to cheer my mom up the way she does me.
i'll be okay....really i will. maybe i'll call ricky..but i doubt he's home yet..