FIC: Don't Let Me Go (Doctor Who, coda to 7x02)
Don't Let Me Go
Doctor Who ; Amy, Eleven & Rory ; PG ; 1200 words ; 7x02 coda ; Also at the AO3
It's hard to avoid the truth, not when he's looking at her like this, careful and still.
contains: discussion of PTSD
Amy stares out into space, and down below at the Earth. She hopes she never gets tired of just how beautiful the view is out here. Brian whistles to himself, his legs dangling down from the TARDIS doorframe. Next to her, Rory is enthralled, like he's seeing all of this for the first time again, the earthlight bright on his face. She holds his hand, and remembers that first night in the TARDIS, floating and surrounded by stars.
That was a very long time ago.
She looks behind her, and sees the Doctor further inside, looking at a screen and trying to appear busy. She squeezes Rory's hand and steps away, skipping up the steps and bumping her shoulder against the Doctor's when she reaches him.
"Hey, you," she says, leaning against the console.
The Doctor drops his pretence and spins to lean beside her. "Hey, you."
She smiles at him. "You know, you could just come round for tea sometime - you don't have to come up with a mad adventure with dinosaurs and Egyptian queens just to see us."
"More fun this way, though." He grins.
"Oh, no complaints from me. Though really, it wouldn't kill you to give us a ring first next time, or you'll end up with our entire families along with the ride." She shudders slightly, imagining Aunt Sharon's horror at more or less everything to do with time and space.
"Seems to have worked out all right for those two," the Doctor says, nodding at Rory and Brian, who are now sitting next to each other, talking quietly.
"Who'd have thought?" Amy smiles. "If I knew that all they needed to bond were dinosaurs, I would have dragged them to the Natural History Museum a long time ago."
"Mm." The Doctor folds his arm and looks at her steadily. "How are you, Amy?"
"Oh, I'm --" the glib answer dies away before she can say it. It's hard to avoid the truth, not when he's looking at her like this, careful and still.
"I'm okay," she says seriously. "I'm a lot better than I was last time I saw you, anyway." She makes a face, remembering.
The Doctor frowns, turning to face her properly. The full force of his attention makes her fidget, unnerved, and she's tempted to shake this whole conversation off and go and join the others in the doorway, but she doesn't.
"I still don't understand. You and Rory - what could possibly have happened?" he asks.
Amy stares at him. "You know what happened. You were there! Demon's Run happened." She starts tugging at her sleeves, tangling her fingers into the soft fabric of her jumper. She wonders if this will ever be any easier to talk about. Probably not. "They didn't just take Melody away from me. They took away all the children I might have had. We tried so many things, but I can't. Not ever."
She watches the Doctor's face twist in sadness and guilt, and she can't bear to see it. She doesn't want his pity and she can't carry all of his regrets along with her own. She looks away, staring through the glass floor and losing herself in the light of the TARDIS.
"When I found that out, I -- I went to a bad place for a while. Flashbacks, nightmares, all of that. Started seeing Kovarian's face all the time, and every little girl looked like Melody. Felt like it was never going to get any better. So I pushed Rory away - thought he deserved something more than me and all my damage."
"Amy," the Doctor says quietly, sounding horrified.
"I know, I know." She forces herself to look at him and smile. "I know how that sounds. Like I said, bad place. Thank god for the Daleks, eh?" She laughs. "Never thought I’d say that."
"And now?" he asks, reaching out to hold her hand.
"Now, we're doing better. I'm doing better. Spent a lot of time talking about my feelings, and you know how I hate that, but it's okay. You told me once, about the piles of good and bad things. My pile of bad things will always be with me, but the good things help. It gets easier. Besides, look how amazing our eldest daughter is. I reckon maybe the universe wasn't ready to cope with more."
He laughs at that, then slings an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close.
"I'm so sorry," he says.
"I know you are. It's okay. I'm okay. Honest."
"Oh, Amy, you're more than okay. You're amazing."
He kisses her temple, and she smiles. She's missed him more than she cares to admit. She slips her arm around him and they lean against each other, swaying slightly as the TARDIS continues to orbit the Earth.
She lets out a long breath, the restlessness in her fading away again as the Doctor's questions cease. She's glad that he knows, even if it was hard to say.
"Rory!" she calls out. "You're missing out on some hug action here!"
Rory whips his head round, grins, and pats his dad's shoulder before walking over to join them.
"Actually --" Amy's eyes light up as he gets nearer. "That reminds me. Doctor, did you really think I wasn't going to notice you planting one on my husband right in front of the viewscreen? Should I be jealous?" she teases.
"Jealous?!" the Doctor splutters. "What? No. That was an entirely platonic gesture of spontaneous affection."
"Really," says Rory, folding his arms and eyeing the Doctor suspiciously. "Is that what you tell all the boys? You heartbreaker."
"All the what? No, no, there's no 'all the' anything." He adjusts his bowtie, looking affronted. "I'm married, I'll have you know."
Amy grins. "Bingo, correct answer. But, just so you know, should you ever feel the need to perform another spontaneous gesture of affection in the future, do give me a heads up so I can really savour the moment."
"Amy!" Rory gives her a scandalised look that quickly dissolves into amusement.
Amy sticks her tongue out at him.
"Oh, Ponds. I've missed you terribly." The Doctor wraps his arms around them both and hauls them in, and the three of them nestle together, their arms around each other in a small, happy pile.
"Yep, this is good," says Amy. "Got my spaceship and my boys."
"Yeah," says Rory, smiling as his forehead touches hers. "This is good."
The Doctor rubs circles across both of their backs, a small, relieved hitch in his breathing that Amy suspects she's not supposed to notice.
"You really should come and see us more than once a year," says Rory. "It is an open invitation."
"We miss you too, you know," says Amy.
"I'll try," says the Doctor.
Amy's glad he's grown out of the habit of making promises he won't keep. She closes her eyes, losing herself in the feeling of being enveloped by warmth and love. She really is okay, but right now, she's more than that. She's happy, full of a bone-deep contentment that she hasn't felt too often, these last few years. Her throat tightens with a twisting mix of emotions she can't put a name to, so she holds on a little tighter, and they hold her right back.
-- This entry has
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Doctor Who ; Amy, Eleven & Rory ; PG ; 1200 words ; 7x02 coda ; Also at the AO3
It's hard to avoid the truth, not when he's looking at her like this, careful and still.
contains: discussion of PTSD
Amy stares out into space, and down below at the Earth. She hopes she never gets tired of just how beautiful the view is out here. Brian whistles to himself, his legs dangling down from the TARDIS doorframe. Next to her, Rory is enthralled, like he's seeing all of this for the first time again, the earthlight bright on his face. She holds his hand, and remembers that first night in the TARDIS, floating and surrounded by stars.
That was a very long time ago.
She looks behind her, and sees the Doctor further inside, looking at a screen and trying to appear busy. She squeezes Rory's hand and steps away, skipping up the steps and bumping her shoulder against the Doctor's when she reaches him.
"Hey, you," she says, leaning against the console.
The Doctor drops his pretence and spins to lean beside her. "Hey, you."
She smiles at him. "You know, you could just come round for tea sometime - you don't have to come up with a mad adventure with dinosaurs and Egyptian queens just to see us."
"More fun this way, though." He grins.
"Oh, no complaints from me. Though really, it wouldn't kill you to give us a ring first next time, or you'll end up with our entire families along with the ride." She shudders slightly, imagining Aunt Sharon's horror at more or less everything to do with time and space.
"Seems to have worked out all right for those two," the Doctor says, nodding at Rory and Brian, who are now sitting next to each other, talking quietly.
"Who'd have thought?" Amy smiles. "If I knew that all they needed to bond were dinosaurs, I would have dragged them to the Natural History Museum a long time ago."
"Mm." The Doctor folds his arm and looks at her steadily. "How are you, Amy?"
"Oh, I'm --" the glib answer dies away before she can say it. It's hard to avoid the truth, not when he's looking at her like this, careful and still.
"I'm okay," she says seriously. "I'm a lot better than I was last time I saw you, anyway." She makes a face, remembering.
The Doctor frowns, turning to face her properly. The full force of his attention makes her fidget, unnerved, and she's tempted to shake this whole conversation off and go and join the others in the doorway, but she doesn't.
"I still don't understand. You and Rory - what could possibly have happened?" he asks.
Amy stares at him. "You know what happened. You were there! Demon's Run happened." She starts tugging at her sleeves, tangling her fingers into the soft fabric of her jumper. She wonders if this will ever be any easier to talk about. Probably not. "They didn't just take Melody away from me. They took away all the children I might have had. We tried so many things, but I can't. Not ever."
She watches the Doctor's face twist in sadness and guilt, and she can't bear to see it. She doesn't want his pity and she can't carry all of his regrets along with her own. She looks away, staring through the glass floor and losing herself in the light of the TARDIS.
"When I found that out, I -- I went to a bad place for a while. Flashbacks, nightmares, all of that. Started seeing Kovarian's face all the time, and every little girl looked like Melody. Felt like it was never going to get any better. So I pushed Rory away - thought he deserved something more than me and all my damage."
"Amy," the Doctor says quietly, sounding horrified.
"I know, I know." She forces herself to look at him and smile. "I know how that sounds. Like I said, bad place. Thank god for the Daleks, eh?" She laughs. "Never thought I’d say that."
"And now?" he asks, reaching out to hold her hand.
"Now, we're doing better. I'm doing better. Spent a lot of time talking about my feelings, and you know how I hate that, but it's okay. You told me once, about the piles of good and bad things. My pile of bad things will always be with me, but the good things help. It gets easier. Besides, look how amazing our eldest daughter is. I reckon maybe the universe wasn't ready to cope with more."
He laughs at that, then slings an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close.
"I'm so sorry," he says.
"I know you are. It's okay. I'm okay. Honest."
"Oh, Amy, you're more than okay. You're amazing."
He kisses her temple, and she smiles. She's missed him more than she cares to admit. She slips her arm around him and they lean against each other, swaying slightly as the TARDIS continues to orbit the Earth.
She lets out a long breath, the restlessness in her fading away again as the Doctor's questions cease. She's glad that he knows, even if it was hard to say.
"Rory!" she calls out. "You're missing out on some hug action here!"
Rory whips his head round, grins, and pats his dad's shoulder before walking over to join them.
"Actually --" Amy's eyes light up as he gets nearer. "That reminds me. Doctor, did you really think I wasn't going to notice you planting one on my husband right in front of the viewscreen? Should I be jealous?" she teases.
"Jealous?!" the Doctor splutters. "What? No. That was an entirely platonic gesture of spontaneous affection."
"Really," says Rory, folding his arms and eyeing the Doctor suspiciously. "Is that what you tell all the boys? You heartbreaker."
"All the what? No, no, there's no 'all the' anything." He adjusts his bowtie, looking affronted. "I'm married, I'll have you know."
Amy grins. "Bingo, correct answer. But, just so you know, should you ever feel the need to perform another spontaneous gesture of affection in the future, do give me a heads up so I can really savour the moment."
"Amy!" Rory gives her a scandalised look that quickly dissolves into amusement.
Amy sticks her tongue out at him.
"Oh, Ponds. I've missed you terribly." The Doctor wraps his arms around them both and hauls them in, and the three of them nestle together, their arms around each other in a small, happy pile.
"Yep, this is good," says Amy. "Got my spaceship and my boys."
"Yeah," says Rory, smiling as his forehead touches hers. "This is good."
The Doctor rubs circles across both of their backs, a small, relieved hitch in his breathing that Amy suspects she's not supposed to notice.
"You really should come and see us more than once a year," says Rory. "It is an open invitation."
"We miss you too, you know," says Amy.
"I'll try," says the Doctor.
Amy's glad he's grown out of the habit of making promises he won't keep. She closes her eyes, losing herself in the feeling of being enveloped by warmth and love. She really is okay, but right now, she's more than that. She's happy, full of a bone-deep contentment that she hasn't felt too often, these last few years. Her throat tightens with a twisting mix of emotions she can't put a name to, so she holds on a little tighter, and they hold her right back.
-- This entry has
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