friend is a four letter word
yeah, so its 3:50 am and i am in fucking tears like a mother. i just found out something that i thought was all fun and games was true. my friend took pictures of me when i was fucked up on allergy medicine and knocked out. heres the catch, i'm *gasp* naked. and then to make things all the better, she shows my now exbf. gee wiz, gotta love it. yeah, so to update those who don't know: my body sucks the big one, and i don't like looking at myself naked, let alone to have another person look at, oh man, you've gotta be fucking kidding me. yeah, and in december when the pictures were taken, i was chubbbbbbby. and i still am. and i hate it. and i hate how much i can't stay mad at her for doing it, cause i love her, and yet its like wtf, you don't see me taking pictures of you and showing your exbfs, do you? no. because i know youre self concious and i know you'd hate me for doing that shit. whats worse is that he's making fun of me about it. my ex, that is. yeah, i go for really classy guys. really, i do, i bet you'd be surprised. i really dont like my body. at all. its so fucking annoying. just always there, and i think i make progress, but do i? no. i hate wearing swimsuits in front of people and i hate it period. i am just a mess right now. i'm in my grody ass favorite jeans and running on 5 hours of sleep with mountain dew in my veins and weezer on the radio. it sure doesn't help that my period is this week, either. god, i fucking hate ryan. so damn much. he could atleast be fucking nice or civil about it. but does he? NO! because hes an ass hole. he doesn't know that i can't look in the mirror at times cause i feel disquisting. nobody does. and i'm spilling my guts online? oh dear lord. my sweater is drenched. i guess this is payback for the mean shit i've done, but still. this shit is just too much. i don't even wanna go to the concert tomorrow anymore right now. who knows how i'll feel 5 hours from now. i just feel so blesskklsjdivjcn right now. i hate this feeling. and the flavor from my gum is gone. fan-fucking-tastic.