I'm being a loser and complain too much
I know i know i know...but it is frustrating on THREE FRACKIN levels...
one...that i work my ass off...i dnt miss class...i show my imporvement...i question and ask..but now he's like your not good enough bc you ask questions and not on top of ur game...yet i do what i want and just because i do something that apperently "looks" like his design...wtf?? and how do you trust someone thats states "you shuld not be looking at other influences and look around...yo should be able to do the layout from scratch on your own..."
DUESCHE!
second....my friends dnt do as much as me...they skip class and are getting b's?? wtf??
third: stupid but yes its brian and not bein there for me unless i push it. Im not angry just more like...wtf? Im more angered at portfolio but at the same time im still battleing because I just wish he's say "Kitty...theres nothing btwn us...thats it dnt fathom the idea anymore and MOVE THE FUCK ON". Yet I want him to say it to me...to my face or even through a fuckin phone call...I can handle being a friend but when im there for him when he needs it but when i needed help? he's like whatever...what did i do to deserve that?
worse part about trying to move on? is when other ppl touch me (even a basic hug of intimacy btwn a guy and I) i feel disgusted or I scoot away bc im uncomfortable (yea me of all ppl)...but near him? i just want to be close..THIS IS FUCKED UP! I WANT THIS CARING/LOVE THINGY? GONE! I CANNOT STAND IT! yet I cant give it up (i tried and it failed...um NC anybody?? that should be a hint how STUPID AND HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT I AM)whatever...when i move to cali itll be ovr the feeling bc by then everything will b cleared and ill move on bc my friends will be there for me....
OH California...when I get back...im getting my ass drunk again for a month...I want to forget savvy for a short time...Wish I could have alcohol but cant because of school...I hate being a good kid sumtimes...
hahahaha and im watching a commercial for the Odyessy from Honda...and my prof told me she thought of me when she saw it because of my work...A YEAR FUCKIN LATER OF RANDOMLY TALKING TO HER SHE REMEMBERS ME BECAUSE OF MY ART...THATS the kind of impact I want to continue to make...and that was my crappy year...Ill make it but im just tired of the idiot prof i have that I cannot trust for advice anymore...
one...that i work my ass off...i dnt miss class...i show my imporvement...i question and ask..but now he's like your not good enough bc you ask questions and not on top of ur game...yet i do what i want and just because i do something that apperently "looks" like his design...wtf?? and how do you trust someone thats states "you shuld not be looking at other influences and look around...yo should be able to do the layout from scratch on your own..."
DUESCHE!
second....my friends dnt do as much as me...they skip class and are getting b's?? wtf??
third: stupid but yes its brian and not bein there for me unless i push it. Im not angry just more like...wtf? Im more angered at portfolio but at the same time im still battleing because I just wish he's say "Kitty...theres nothing btwn us...thats it dnt fathom the idea anymore and MOVE THE FUCK ON". Yet I want him to say it to me...to my face or even through a fuckin phone call...I can handle being a friend but when im there for him when he needs it but when i needed help? he's like whatever...what did i do to deserve that?
worse part about trying to move on? is when other ppl touch me (even a basic hug of intimacy btwn a guy and I) i feel disgusted or I scoot away bc im uncomfortable (yea me of all ppl)...but near him? i just want to be close..THIS IS FUCKED UP! I WANT THIS CARING/LOVE THINGY? GONE! I CANNOT STAND IT! yet I cant give it up (i tried and it failed...um NC anybody?? that should be a hint how STUPID AND HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT I AM)whatever...when i move to cali itll be ovr the feeling bc by then everything will b cleared and ill move on bc my friends will be there for me....
OH California...when I get back...im getting my ass drunk again for a month...I want to forget savvy for a short time...Wish I could have alcohol but cant because of school...I hate being a good kid sumtimes...
hahahaha and im watching a commercial for the Odyessy from Honda...and my prof told me she thought of me when she saw it because of my work...A YEAR FUCKIN LATER OF RANDOMLY TALKING TO HER SHE REMEMBERS ME BECAUSE OF MY ART...THATS the kind of impact I want to continue to make...and that was my crappy year...Ill make it but im just tired of the idiot prof i have that I cannot trust for advice anymore...