(no subject)
i have had an epiphany and discovered why i feel so tense, so energized, so nervous, so alone.
why i sit in my classes thinking ohmygod i am going to scream or explode or melt and i cant get through the next 70 40 20 10 minutes of this. how is everyone else sitting there so normal, cant they tell how draining everything is? i was a mess a the end of last week but right now i cant remember what thoughts were going through my head. just lonely lonely lonely. i have very few real friends and they dont seem to glow for me anymore.
also, i missed you like hell because i realized that extra component to the way you smelled had been autumn all along. you smell like weed and boyishdeodorant and cigarrettes, but baby..you smell like autumn.
but i figured out that its not quite you i miss, its being the supporting actress in someone else's life, you know? what a relief. im going to do nothing to remedy that little problem because i want to be entirely alone, aside from friendships.
i am bored and lonely and. most importantly. i have nothing and noone to get me through the days or the weeks.
and i dont know what to do.
so i started to draw this week
and ive been drawing up a storm, all day scratchscrathing with my pen on paper
my favorite subject mostly i.e. punk lesbians, yeayeah!
and ive been working super hard in class, and taking notes, and listening, and the whole thing.
because i need something to pour my energy into.
this is boring, im boring these days but i cant help it.
i havent seen anyone outside of school for the past three weeks. i am trying to shut several friends from school out of my life but damn those things cling like barnacles.
why i sit in my classes thinking ohmygod i am going to scream or explode or melt and i cant get through the next 70 40 20 10 minutes of this. how is everyone else sitting there so normal, cant they tell how draining everything is? i was a mess a the end of last week but right now i cant remember what thoughts were going through my head. just lonely lonely lonely. i have very few real friends and they dont seem to glow for me anymore.
also, i missed you like hell because i realized that extra component to the way you smelled had been autumn all along. you smell like weed and boyishdeodorant and cigarrettes, but baby..you smell like autumn.
but i figured out that its not quite you i miss, its being the supporting actress in someone else's life, you know? what a relief. im going to do nothing to remedy that little problem because i want to be entirely alone, aside from friendships.
i am bored and lonely and. most importantly. i have nothing and noone to get me through the days or the weeks.
and i dont know what to do.
so i started to draw this week
and ive been drawing up a storm, all day scratchscrathing with my pen on paper
my favorite subject mostly i.e. punk lesbians, yeayeah!
and ive been working super hard in class, and taking notes, and listening, and the whole thing.
because i need something to pour my energy into.
this is boring, im boring these days but i cant help it.
i havent seen anyone outside of school for the past three weeks. i am trying to shut several friends from school out of my life but damn those things cling like barnacles.