(no subject)

[subwayemployee]

I feel like i have to let this out. I know you have a boyfriend and you are in love with him. I'm not saying i should or shouldn't talk to you about this but I feel as if i have to. God has a plan for all of us. Im meant to be here, right now, writing this email. Whatever i'm doing 5 minutes from now or a day from now, i'm meant to be doing. I remember the first day we met. We met at the Pretzel Time in the mall. I seen you in your little winnie the pooh jean jacket looking thing. We went and sat near the fountain and talked. I walked you outside and we had our first kiss. It was probably the best i've ever had. We were together for 6 months. Within i'd have to say, 3 months of us being together, i cheated on you with someone. I thought i was some player and i could get, whoever i wanted. We stopped talking for almost a whole year. I honestly made a bet with Josh, that kid you talked to. I bet him that I could make you my girlfriend. I came down here and, I did. In the process of us talking, I realized i cared for you more than I thought. I called him up and told him i'd pay him the money and that the bet didnt matter anymore. I thought that time around would be so much better. Things were different this time. I had a car and more freedom. I felt like the world was mine and i could do anything. I left you once again and took your love for granted. I've hurt you so many times it hurt me. You...you don't really know what you want or just what you need until you've lost everything. I havent been able to drive in months on end. I hadn't had sex in 2 years and my first time in 2 years was a month ago. It didnt matter though because it didnt have any meaning to it. I mean, i didn't feel anything. It was just....sex. That's straying far from the point actually. We have talked occasionally since then and it's been great. I'm able to keep in touch with you. Talking to you, makes me realize everytime where im at in life, what i want, and how much more i need to grow up. I have problem with relationships. I have progressed but i still have a problem. I get to a point where i feel that something is wrong and i panic. I panic and I run. I have never had anyone to fight for me though. I want someone to fight for me. I want someone to love me the way i love them. Samantha...I seen you today and i was stunned. When you turned that corner and walked towards me I was speechless. I was trying to find the words to say how beautiful you are. Nothing came out. When we were sitting on the couch and you would laugh at things id say and smile; I just melted. When we were wrestling around and i was tickling you I felt close to you. When we were just talking, i think that was the first time we talked in person that much. I feel like I can talk to you about anything. I love you and i'm not sure if this time will be any different or not. I'm not sure if there will be a this time or a next time. All I know is this. I've let you down time and time again. I've broken your heart and mine. However, you need to let your heart lead you. You need to let your heart guide you to where its supposed to be, even if you know, its somewhere you know you shouldn't be. I don't know what else to say other than I love you and always will. This is the first time in my life that i have been so sure of something. I don't know what you think or what you'll say to this but I promise with everything I have or everything that I am that I will make this all the more special for you. Please, don't shun me from being in your heart. I need you so bad. Please, love me now, the way you used to.

Love Always and Forever,

Grady Fuller