Your Little Suburban Redhead Is Growing Up..Or atleast trying to.
I'm going to say something kind of odd: I think I'm growing up. I know you probably don't see it but I do. I haven't felt like I was as talkative as I usually am for awhile now. I listen more. I really listen to what the people around me are saying. I have more things to say to my friends now than " Uh huh, so guess what is going on with me!" I cringe when I think of how I sometimes do that. I just get so much in my head to say and try to squeeze it all in. I can't, its not possible. The downside of this its I find that I don't like myself for how I was not even a year ago. This summer I changed a lot and then this fall I tried to put how I'd changed into my school life. It was really difficult and I even thought of just letting go off trying to make the change in me evident. But then all my progress would've meant nothing, you know? It'd be like it never happened and me growing up is not something I'm willing to throw away, its too important. I just realized that these journal entries are really self-promoting. I mean, I'm practically inviting people to see inside my thoughts...I don't know how I feel about it anymore. I used to think it was kind of a release. Now I just feel so unnerved that anyone could read in here and see what is going on with me. I'll have to find out how I feel about these things now..lol. I sound so self-righteous. Believe me, I'm not. I'm just as screwed up as anyone. The difference is I don't let it ruin my life.