From The Ashes 7/15
Title: From The Ashes
Pairing: Ultimately: Maureen/Cynthia.
Summary: After an unspeakable tragedy leaves her a young widow, Maureen works to re-build her life out of the shadow of her late husband, with the help of friends, family, and especially Cynthia.
Warnings: Major character death, self-harm and suicide, addiction, depictions of blood ( ( Read more... )
Your story was recommended to me by our mutual friend, Jay so I though I would check it out and I'm very glad I did!
Firstly I want to say, what a bold and brave storyline to tackle! The death of a Beatle is a very sensitive and difficult subject to deal with and I think you've handled it very nicely, without overly sensationalising or - although there is angst in there - it's not over the top.
I see this as a story about grief, and how people deal with grief, especially when it seems as insurmountable as something like this would be. I thought one of the best bits of your writing was at the start of chapter 2 - Somehow, despite a part of her that wishes it hasn't, the world has kept turning... - I thought that perfectly captures grief like this. When something truly terrible has happened, doesn't it just seem unthinkable, impossible, that the world, life - and time - should carry on. It feels like everything should be frozen in that moment - the instance it's happened, or maybe when the initial debilitating shock has just worn off enough for you to just start to take in the facts. But it doesn't. Day follows night follows day, other people seem to keep on going with their daily lives, birds sing and the sun shines and doesn't it all seem so obscene?
Maureen is dealing with her grief in a typical way a northern English (Scouse) woman would; with quiet dignity and almost a stiff upper lip on the outside, while falling to pieces on the inside. Initially she has the business of dying to take care of - not only how on earth does she explain this to her young sons, and not only things like funerals etc - but with the added dimension of being the Beatles and the fame and chaos it brings - the encroachment on their private grief by outsiders, and of course, it doesn't help that the Beatles themselves are at loggerheads constantly.
Also, inside Maureen she grapples with not only grief, but anger than her Ritchie could do such a thing to her, to their boys, and then guilt which arises from that.All of this going on internally. I was glad that Cynthia arrived for her; a unbreakable, strong friendship and someone who knows and understands Maureen on a level that Pattie (although she's sweet) and Linda or Paul or even George can't. She arrived just in the nick of time too, I think.
In contrast to how Maureen deals with her grief is John. Ha ha, and what a contrast. He's just a ball of anger and spite, isn't he?! At first, during that first meeting at Apple where he was so horrible, I thought bloody hell, someone is going to smack him one in a minute - and rightly so! Being angry at Ringo for doing this is one thing (and something that probably all the characters feel to an extent) - but saying it like that - with such venom - to his grieving widow is beyond the pale! And it wasn't really until Cynthia said, John and loss are complex - that I kinda forgave him a bit for that. Yes, a violent, disproportionate and bizarre reaction to the grief and guilt of losing his friend, his brother, in this way is perfectly John. I enjoyed the scene at the wake too where Cynthia gives him the bollocking he deserves, ha ha. About time too. I think that it happened at that moment is very revealing. John may have been able to cow and threaten Cynthia when they were together - when only herself was at stake - but if he goes after Maureen, it prompts Cynthia to stand up to defend and protect her. And John was so lost for words. Wouldn't it have been lovely if Cynthia had done that a few more times while she was married to him?!
Anyway, I have waffled on for long enough! Lovely story and very well written. I'm not on LJ all that often, so could you perhaps give us a nudge when you update next as I'd hate to miss it?!
Lindsey (AKA MissODell) x
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And thank you so much for taking Jay's rec and giving me some feedback. I more than appreciate it, especially as I know I write in the outfield of fandom.
It really is a challenge but this storyline (or at least the bare bones of it) is one I've been wanting to mess with for a long time. I THINK I've mentioned that interview with Maureen several times in various places but it's really something that stuck with me. And while it would be easy to go over-the-top, I've tried to keep it as mundane as possible. I've tried to keep Maureen on as even a keel as possible. There are moments that are a bit angsty, sure, but those are to be expected all things considered.
Grief is messy and complicated and it doesn't seem to have a timeline- and those stages of grief can be a jumble, not a line- and that's what I'm working with here. EVENTUALLY there will be a light romantic angle but that's to underscore that idea of life does move on. In some slow way it does. It's whether or not one chooses to move on with it or stay stuck. Never forgetting, never saying it gets easier, but the burden is picked up again and slowly just becomes a part of the day to day. If that makes much sense at all, LOL.
"Quiet Dignity" is 100% the phrase I'd use to describe Maureen at most all times anyway. Here it's just fitting that she'd buck up and keep going with that sort of grace and little outward breaking. The emotions are too personal in a way- others in their circle have lost someone dear to them as well but she found him- to be shared. And Maureen never liked the pressmen and the chaos so that's an added thing she has to deal with. And the ultimate answer is going back to Liverpool. It's safe, it's HOME.
Cynthia and Maureen 'canonically' (for lack of a better term) had the strongest friendship and I wanted to go with that. Though she could get strength from the other wives, Cynthia shows up to support her without taking over and infantilizing her. She's empathetic to Maureen and treats her like an adult. And yes, she arrived just when she was needed.
And yes, John is a complete piece of work but I did my best to keep him from being over the top for John (I always think he's just a bit over the top anyway, especially later on) and I had so many ways I could go but Anger is part of the grieving process. And I sincerely believe John was the type to just feel everything harder than most. And only focus on one emotion at a time. There is a deep sense of abandonment when anyone close dies as is but to purposely remove oneself from this plane of existence feels almost like betrayal in a way. Someone else abandoned him and they weren't ill, they weren't taken by an outside force, they took themselves away. At least that's how it must feel to John. (and the others in degrees and waves but they handle it better) I also think John's stuck in that mentality that being angry is better than being sad, being emotional, being soft.
It was great fun to have Cynthia give John exactly what he deserves. Now she can and, yes, had Cynthia given John a few good verbal take downs and knocked him off his game just a bit when they were married it might have been a different game all together.
Thank You SO very much for taking the time to comment and give me such wonderful feedback. I'll let you know for certain when the next chapter is up. I hope to have it by the end of the month but life sometimes makes that impossible.
Thank you again!
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Yeah, I completely agree with the way you've depicted grief. There is no 'getting over it' or 'moving on' with grief like this. You don't feel it any less, it doesn't fade or become easier - all that happens is you get more used to it. You learn to live with it, so that it doesn't quite overwhelm your every waking thought, but no, there's no forgetting or finding it easier, maybe especially when it comes to suicide.
John is such a complex character. He's a walking paradox most of the time, ha ha. He bounces from one extreme to another. I think you're right in your assessment that he might focus on one emotion at one time, and he's gone for anger here. But that makes sense - to be angry, furious with Ringo for doing such a thing, for leaving him like that, is so much easier than dealing with all the other complicated feelings of sorrow and guilt and hopelessness. It's like a form of denial; denial over how hurt he is and how grief stricken.
Looking forward to your next update! Hope you do manage it before the end of the month but there isn't many days left now! Doesn't time fly?!
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