every life has a different ending
I've spent a few days alone here with my nana. I see myself listening to her repeating her stories over and over again.
I try not to focus on my own stress.
I've registered for my fall classes and have to find a way to pay for them by the middle of august. I don't know how i will come up with the money.
I am in desperate need of a job. But, it is so hard to find something when i have no car. I'm not even close to any bus route.
So here I am in this house...trying to figure out how I can dig myself out of this depression.
I know how much time I've wasted trying to repair damage of relationships that are better forgotten.
I've even thought about god lately.
I feel so alone in this aloneness.
I want to escape myself and peel the
darkness from my eyes.
I despise how much time I've wasted on wanting something that was never real.
It scares me how much a person can cheat you out of life..and then blame you for believing in them.
I hate the place I am in right now.
I feel so stuck.
I don't have rich parents to dig me out of this hole.
I have a struggling single mom..and an HIV dad...
But
since I am an adult..it is up to me now
and now seems to crumble with every blink.
I don't even trust myself around friends anymore.
I know woonsocket will never swallow me
unless I let it.
and I know I can be too emotional
but I am at some end..
or maybe some see it as a
fork in the road...
I need an ending to my story
because I've wasted too many nights
alone
sweating you out of me
breathing in you lies.
I hate that I gave in again..
because it hurts so much more...
'fuck me, i'm easy'
right?
You'll spread yourself so thin..
even I won't recogonize you anymore...
yes...i let you use me..and fuck me...and tell me you love me...
and then watched you tell your friends your side.....
but i give up...
You were never real to me..
we were on stage for brief moments
acting out scenes...
I tried to end our play...
but people watched...
and you kept playing the part...
the part I always thought was real...
and fuck me for my innocence...
fuck you for caging what was beautiful in
me
I try not to focus on my own stress.
I've registered for my fall classes and have to find a way to pay for them by the middle of august. I don't know how i will come up with the money.
I am in desperate need of a job. But, it is so hard to find something when i have no car. I'm not even close to any bus route.
So here I am in this house...trying to figure out how I can dig myself out of this depression.
I know how much time I've wasted trying to repair damage of relationships that are better forgotten.
I've even thought about god lately.
I feel so alone in this aloneness.
I want to escape myself and peel the
darkness from my eyes.
I despise how much time I've wasted on wanting something that was never real.
It scares me how much a person can cheat you out of life..and then blame you for believing in them.
I hate the place I am in right now.
I feel so stuck.
I don't have rich parents to dig me out of this hole.
I have a struggling single mom..and an HIV dad...
But
since I am an adult..it is up to me now
and now seems to crumble with every blink.
I don't even trust myself around friends anymore.
I know woonsocket will never swallow me
unless I let it.
and I know I can be too emotional
but I am at some end..
or maybe some see it as a
fork in the road...
I need an ending to my story
because I've wasted too many nights
alone
sweating you out of me
breathing in you lies.
I hate that I gave in again..
because it hurts so much more...
'fuck me, i'm easy'
right?
You'll spread yourself so thin..
even I won't recogonize you anymore...
yes...i let you use me..and fuck me...and tell me you love me...
and then watched you tell your friends your side.....
but i give up...
You were never real to me..
we were on stage for brief moments
acting out scenes...
I tried to end our play...
but people watched...
and you kept playing the part...
the part I always thought was real...
and fuck me for my innocence...
fuck you for caging what was beautiful in
me