everything and nothing, a rainy mood
I am irritated so I think that I'm going to take a break. I'll write back again, I'm pretty sure, but right now I can't deal with anything, especially people. I'm not sure how to deal with anything, with anyone, and I cried on the phone to my mom today, begging her to let me come home. But home isn't the same, and school isn't the same, and people are leaving left and right, from home, from school, friends and family are disappearing and nothing feels like it's supposed to. But I have a new teddy bear (used, from a friend, but new to me) so I'll hug him tightly and try to remember how to hope and love, but right now it just hurts and I'm not sure where to turn. So I'll stay where I am, quietly, softly, as is my nature, and I'll think of you occasionally, sometimes more than that, and I'd say I'll always remember you, but there's no need, because I will come back. As soon as a day, an hour, a week, a month, I'll come back. But I need a break so that I can forget everything wrong with the world and try to remember what it's like to breath. I'll listen to the sounds of simulated rain and pretend I'm in a polaroid by the ocean. But I'm not, I'm here, nowhere, everywhere, with nothing, with everything, with too many people who feel as far away as nobody and everybody. So I'll close the window a bit, but keep the shade open, and before I go to sleep I'll pick up all the popcorn kernels off my floor. My eyes are especially green because I've been crying, but they look tired and worn, sort of like my new teddy bear. Maybe I'll wear my slippers and hat because they remind me of you, or maybe I'll just go to sleep. I'll see you in the mo(u)rning sunshine.