between you and me, it's no surprise

[subtleresidue]

it feels like my room is collapsing

I had to turn David Tennant around because his picture this month is just too frightening.

I've been doing all my writing in here,
my hard copy journal is practically empty.

don't tell it, but I don't like it as much as my other ones
it's just too big!

I feel awful, though, because he's a really lovely red color
with no pictures, hardly any words,
I just can't motivate myself to work on it like I did my last one

I hope he's not mad at me.

I'm getting my monday nerves, the ones I always get before I go back to work after a long weekend
except today's saturday.
I don't work tomorrow, so I wonder if my nerves will come back before work on monday.

it's times like this I tell myself I need anti-anxiety medication
but
fuck that shit,
I don't want to screw with myself if I don't know for sure.

I'm getting nervous about going back to school, already,
and I still have almost a month.

last year wasn't awful,
but I do have some memories I'd much rather repress

... bastard.

I hate when my room feels out of order
I keep telling myself that when I come back next summer, I'll rearrange everything
but that's so far away. it just seems silly to move everything around now
when I know I'll do it again every time I come home.

ohhhh out of order out of order out of order

my hair feels so asymmetrical and it sort of drives me crazy.

oooooo nervous.

I just want to be outsideeeee
seriously. I want the ocean,
NOW.

I took walks sixteen times last month. high five.
it used to be that when I was bored I would watch tv
now I just walk for hours
hours
hours

every time I step into the shower
I remember things that make me feel upset
and I try to wash them off
but it doesn't work

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I can't forget

I keep trying but all I can do is remember

go awayyyyy

I'm sorry I write so much. my poor stranger friends. forgive me for taking up all of your friend's pages.