when the stakes are higher

[subtleresidue]

endless lists of
well, he doesn't ever actually want to... talk...
only wants to fuck
to kiss
to grope like an inexperienced horny teenager.

and likely you'd say
then why are you spending time with him?

and I'd say
well, but he asked me to dinner.
sure, he doesn't pay for my movie tickets
annnnd he probably wouldn't pay for my dinner, even,
but..
he asked me.

and you, with your hazel eyes, your voice too loud, your lips smacking with deliberation, with facetiousness, would say
so what, he asks you to dinner? okay, but if you don't like him..

then why?

and I'd respond

why does anyone do anything?

because I'm lonely
and because

I know what it's like to love someone who isn't good enough, only because you have no one else to love.
because great guys are far and few between
and good guys are frequent but often they falter
and you realize they're utter crap once they get what they want.
and you're left with utter crap.
and then when they come back for more,
you're already lonely and horny

because those god damn great guys are too nervous to make a move.

and it's shit.
shit because he said he likes me.
he fucking TOLD me.

but he also said he doesn't want to do anything about it.
utter. crap.

a guy who actually listens to me, and he won't listen to himself.