fight.
this constant battle between doing what i love/ making myself less miserable and making the parents proud/ not hurt them. this undying battle that will live on for all of eternity if no one makes the effort to understand. if there's no communication between parent and child.
i remember one particular slide from one particular lecture from taking my Diploma in Counseling Psychology. the stress and hurt a child undergoes and feels is caused by three things: education, family, friends. and guess what, family scored the highest percentage. proven fact. and honestly, ive been hurt by my own family way too many times. i dont cry over anything as much. always trying to be the strong one.
always trying to be the strong one. the peace-maker. the good one. the filial one. so much so ive lost myself in the many years ive tried to be who im not. ive been living my entire life trying to please others, doing things others think i should do because i trusted them to know whats best for me.
but how can anyone know whats best for me without knowing who i am?
generation gaps are lethal.
so many thing people dont understand. the older ones, always and constantly reprimanding us for making stupid mistakes, guilt-tripping and manipulating us to mould into their ideal little play-toys. they dont see it that way of course. "it's all for your own good". what they dont see is that we do understand where they're coming from. it's difficult to feel the concern and love when we're constantly put down for doing things we like to do but okay we understand. so why is it so difficult to understand us?
im turning 21 this year. i can think for myself. my regrets will be mine and mine alone. id rather regret having taken the chance than regret never doing anything that i want for myself at all. im sick of being cast in the light of the one that never disappoints. when will they realise im different? and there they are, wondering why i dont talk.
//bunch of incoherence words that i can go on typing till the sunsets and rises again. but ive got a class to go. what can i say, the future of the younger generation will be passing through my hands. i may not turn out to be the conventional teacher, i wouldnt know, but damn right im going to be a fucking awesome teacher.
was it really necessary to rat us out? really? we couldve told them ourselves slowly so itd be easier to digest. the point was not to bomb them with everything at one go which was exactly what you did. indeed, we were disobedient but certain situations can be avoided and things need not be dramatized. we should know better than to let our emotions rule our head. think before we act they say. besides, it feels to me like my privacy have been spied on by family. i felt like all trust is broken. broken.
maybe i should have applied to stay throughout the vacation. then at least i can escape to hall if need be eh. {: haha. sheesh. ah well! rant over. bye.
i remember one particular slide from one particular lecture from taking my Diploma in Counseling Psychology. the stress and hurt a child undergoes and feels is caused by three things: education, family, friends. and guess what, family scored the highest percentage. proven fact. and honestly, ive been hurt by my own family way too many times. i dont cry over anything as much. always trying to be the strong one.
always trying to be the strong one. the peace-maker. the good one. the filial one. so much so ive lost myself in the many years ive tried to be who im not. ive been living my entire life trying to please others, doing things others think i should do because i trusted them to know whats best for me.
but how can anyone know whats best for me without knowing who i am?
generation gaps are lethal.
so many thing people dont understand. the older ones, always and constantly reprimanding us for making stupid mistakes, guilt-tripping and manipulating us to mould into their ideal little play-toys. they dont see it that way of course. "it's all for your own good". what they dont see is that we do understand where they're coming from. it's difficult to feel the concern and love when we're constantly put down for doing things we like to do but okay we understand. so why is it so difficult to understand us?
im turning 21 this year. i can think for myself. my regrets will be mine and mine alone. id rather regret having taken the chance than regret never doing anything that i want for myself at all. im sick of being cast in the light of the one that never disappoints. when will they realise im different? and there they are, wondering why i dont talk.
//bunch of incoherence words that i can go on typing till the sunsets and rises again. but ive got a class to go. what can i say, the future of the younger generation will be passing through my hands. i may not turn out to be the conventional teacher, i wouldnt know, but damn right im going to be a fucking awesome teacher.
was it really necessary to rat us out? really? we couldve told them ourselves slowly so itd be easier to digest. the point was not to bomb them with everything at one go which was exactly what you did. indeed, we were disobedient but certain situations can be avoided and things need not be dramatized. we should know better than to let our emotions rule our head. think before we act they say. besides, it feels to me like my privacy have been spied on by family. i felt like all trust is broken. broken.
maybe i should have applied to stay throughout the vacation. then at least i can escape to hall if need be eh. {: haha. sheesh. ah well! rant over. bye.