Oct 28, 2010 18:29
Heyyy. So I havent actually been eljaying proper thanks to the lack of time and lack of well, a life. For whoever's even interested, ive been the same old same old. My life revolves around my 14 lovely yet infuriating 3 year olds at work. Thats all I talk about now really. And its hard because nobody wants to hear me talk about the same kids over and over again. While everyone has new scandals, heartbreaks, new found loves and what not. I am stagnant.
Wow my phone battery is really heating up. Yikes.
Anyway, last night was my first ballet class in 15 years or something. Right me, ballet. Go ahead and laugh. I felt stupid, ugly, big and everything bad. I'd say I struggled a bit but that'd paint a fucking ugly image of me in my head and make me feel like utter crap again. Idk. I decided to go ahead with the next 2 classes though. Alone. Its at fort canning centre and god, when it ends at 8ish, the entire place is like a fucking graveyard or something. And I dont have anyone to text or call to make me feel better. The perks of being single and bestfriendless, I know.
Why the fuck do I get a little more impatient, a little more sensitive, feel a little uglier, feel a little heavier, hurt a little more physically and have a maturity beyond my age now that im 19. Kim tagged me a note and it said 'your life is over'. The author further explained his statement but really. Thats all there is to me. My life is over. Im not making new friends. Im working everyday. Friends I though would never go away have left and its not like there was any drama. The great rift valley just grew deeper and wider over time thanks to nature. I cant fill it up on my own and it bothers me everytime I think about it. Sigh.
All Hallows Eve arrives this weekend and i'd be home, like any other weekend I dont even know why. Okay maybe I do know but i'd be a total bitch if I admit feeling the way I do. No wait. Im a total bitch for not admitting it. Well hi you dont even know what im going on about in this entry anymore do you? Sigh. Stupid ball of mess.
Oh and I think I might have anxiety problems. Thanks to my parents. Not that they'd admit. But ive observed them and mentally taken note of how I feel. Well idk. Maybe I should spend more time at the Psychology corner at Borders. {:
I guess i'd edit this when I get home later. Maybe. Maybe not. Idk.
dance,
friendship,
updates,
me,
weight,
reading,
parents,
upset,
work,
iss,
anxiety,
friends,
life,
random,
school