(no subject)
so im smoking again...its retarded...i wish i wasnt. Im gonna try to quit again but, well, its easier than dealing with my issues. Which are finally at rest. I think i am more trying to convince myself that they are over so i can move on but that'll just be our little secret.
things have been looking up i suppose, in relation to the past week or so everything is looking up. I suppose that is just the way of it. Its like each day that passes i get more and more okay. Im not gonna lie and pretend it doesnt still suck, but its something i can repress now that will drive me more and more insane till i finally break.
but that's years from now...whoo hoo
I find myself staring at the screen for long periods of time, erasing and retyping pretty much every word. I like this dead feeling, its disturbingly invincible but at the same time completely apathetic.
Today i saw my friend Big John for the first time in months, we went to beths then (after sending a we're not stalking you message to my two favorite runners) we walked around green lake. We chain smoked and ate weird apple gum. And talked of violence and smoking and drugs and girls. We also brought little blue-haired Jon and much fun was had by all. Basically just talking shit about everyone we knew from Shorewood and everyone we know in general. Smoking and talking shit kinda goes hand in hand with potato chips and pot. Its just something you have to do.
I dont really know what else i can talk about. I need a better job, i need to hang out with other John (eggy this means you) very soon, i need to just lose it soon and get aggression out...this is one of those times i wish i was a more violent person. But alas, too teddy bear oriented. That is just the way life is i guess.
i decided i hate spring and i want it to be summer now. See, fall is cool because its Decay, the end of a cycle...Halloween, first day of school, neat things in general. Winter is my favorite because winter means cold means cuddles, and i have been without for far too long. Summer is rad because its like one big party with the lame life shit spread out so you can take it all in, and everyone is (or acts like they are) single which is always a plus...summer romance kicks fucking ass.
but then there is spring. love (ugh) is in the air and there are couples everywhere and its generally unpleasent because school is winding down and plans for the summer to come are being made. And you are in the phase where you are trying to look good for summer and blah blah blah. Basically if you are single and squishy its a bad time of year. Also people are getting accepted to college so this is where all the fights start happening. Basically i hate this time of year for one reason or another. Parties are starting however and it does get warmer..its like the crappy thursday night get together with friends before the fucking party on friday (summer). everything is just feelings and jesus related holidays...and even i fall for the feelings bs...completely ruins my image. It works for some people i guess, and if it does, more power and sex and monkies to ya, just leave me alone spring, im waiting for summer.
only sellouts fall in love :P (or 'fall in like' as the case truly is at this point in our lives)
and with that, we depart...congrats on reading the only thing i have written so far that has any substance at all...one outta a bunch aint bad...now i know how Tom Clancy must feel on a day to day basis.
things have been looking up i suppose, in relation to the past week or so everything is looking up. I suppose that is just the way of it. Its like each day that passes i get more and more okay. Im not gonna lie and pretend it doesnt still suck, but its something i can repress now that will drive me more and more insane till i finally break.
but that's years from now...whoo hoo
I find myself staring at the screen for long periods of time, erasing and retyping pretty much every word. I like this dead feeling, its disturbingly invincible but at the same time completely apathetic.
Today i saw my friend Big John for the first time in months, we went to beths then (after sending a we're not stalking you message to my two favorite runners) we walked around green lake. We chain smoked and ate weird apple gum. And talked of violence and smoking and drugs and girls. We also brought little blue-haired Jon and much fun was had by all. Basically just talking shit about everyone we knew from Shorewood and everyone we know in general. Smoking and talking shit kinda goes hand in hand with potato chips and pot. Its just something you have to do.
I dont really know what else i can talk about. I need a better job, i need to hang out with other John (eggy this means you) very soon, i need to just lose it soon and get aggression out...this is one of those times i wish i was a more violent person. But alas, too teddy bear oriented. That is just the way life is i guess.
i decided i hate spring and i want it to be summer now. See, fall is cool because its Decay, the end of a cycle...Halloween, first day of school, neat things in general. Winter is my favorite because winter means cold means cuddles, and i have been without for far too long. Summer is rad because its like one big party with the lame life shit spread out so you can take it all in, and everyone is (or acts like they are) single which is always a plus...summer romance kicks fucking ass.
but then there is spring. love (ugh) is in the air and there are couples everywhere and its generally unpleasent because school is winding down and plans for the summer to come are being made. And you are in the phase where you are trying to look good for summer and blah blah blah. Basically if you are single and squishy its a bad time of year. Also people are getting accepted to college so this is where all the fights start happening. Basically i hate this time of year for one reason or another. Parties are starting however and it does get warmer..its like the crappy thursday night get together with friends before the fucking party on friday (summer). everything is just feelings and jesus related holidays...and even i fall for the feelings bs...completely ruins my image. It works for some people i guess, and if it does, more power and sex and monkies to ya, just leave me alone spring, im waiting for summer.
only sellouts fall in love :P (or 'fall in like' as the case truly is at this point in our lives)
and with that, we depart...congrats on reading the only thing i have written so far that has any substance at all...one outta a bunch aint bad...now i know how Tom Clancy must feel on a day to day basis.