Touch - Chapter 16

[subtle_shades]

Title: TouchFandom: Naruto
Rating: PG-13
Content Notes: None
Disclaimer: I have no rights to or claims on the Naruto franchise, trademark, copyright, or characters. This is for fun, not profit.
Summary: In the future what's left of humanity sends the Rokudaime Hokage back in time to make some changes. Sadly, they can't send all of her. When a seven-

Comments

[oroburos69]

Chronological review, whateves. The end lines, where you show just how much Jiraiya loves Tsunade (and don't think I didn't see the "he wants babies with her" hint!) is so incredibly perfect in every way, I can't even…My Tsunade shipper-ness is very, very happy.

Okay, back to the beginning!

The way Sakura and Naruto play with Kakashi is just about the sweetest, most sugary thing I've ever seen. I heart it, even as I realize that, from the way you describe their relationships when Sakura is twelve, it's not going to continue. *Sad face*

…Dunking Sakura under the water. We've got a thing, don't we? ;)

“You killed, Sakura-chan!” Probably shouldn't have that comma, but Naruto's anxiety and protectiveness warms the cockles of my heart and I don't even know what a cockle is.

Sakura's fondness for Tenzo continues to kill me. The bit where you have him pick her up encapsulates the whole thing so very well, even as I note that everyone focuses on her following Kakashi, not on her obvious affection for Tenzo. Hmmm…Are you an unreliable narrator, Miss Sakura? I think you might be.

Oh but Sakura's mama is a long suffering lady…I'm little shocked and amused that she lectures Sakura on what a good match Kakashi is not (Sakura's seven!), but at the same time, you've got to stop reading my mind.

I should mention that you've managed to have several points where the world you're building very clearly hints that children are seen differently in their society. I have wondered if Hokage-Sakura is bleeding through enough that adults are unconsciously seeing her as older than she is.

I approve of the malicious frog torture, very muchly. I actually burst out laughing (at one in the morning) the first time I read that scene. Hokage-Sakura was very, very clear in it, even if she wasn't technically in control.

…Jiraiya squee!!! \o/
Oh man, you have no idea how happy this made me, especially your interpretation of him (the reason for not raising Naruto is genius, and is multilayered lying to himself. I approve!). His instant affection for Sakura because she reminds him of Tsunade, the faintly depressed internal narrative, his very good observational skills-it's exactly the kind of Jiraiya I love, and is still a fresh (and far more self-aware than usual) take on the character.

[subtle_shades]

Sorry that late response is late! I blame the internet! It went evil and denied me access. *nods firmly*

It is fun to write Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi at play (with Tenzo as an innocent bystander and occasional referee)! But 12 and 26 for Sakura and Kakashi respectively seem to be hard years. They managed to hit awkward, ungainly phases at the exact same time.

It is ridiculously hot where I am right now. I am firmly behind anything and everything that involves water. Pools, lakes, rubber duckies, rivers, pods, tentacles - if it involves large puddles of cold water, I am so into it! (Plus, we are sharing a fandom brain wave at the moment. It is strange and fascinating.)

*melts over your warm cockles - whatever they are*

Unreliable narrator? I don't know what mean. Just because you can't trust the characters (because they only have so much knowledge and/or perceptiveness) and the narrative voice seems a bit *shifty*...

LOL to the comments on Sakura's mother. She is attempting to use something resembling earth-logic on a child. She is doomed to know failure. (She might've been better off if she said Kakashi was a unicorn? Or maybe an aardvark in disguise.)

Your wondering is very clever. Perhaps you should pay attention to Yamanaka Santa when he wanders by?

YAY! I'm incredibly chuffed to have made you burst out laughing! I'm all smiles and gleefulness right now. And you are all over my hints. It's like you have x-ray vision! You always see my hints! (And call them out in the funnest way possible!)

I'm glad you approve of Jiraiya's twisty(occasionally false) brain patterns and shameless unrequited love! It just seemed so... Jiraiya to lie to himself and run away but still be basically a good, responsible guy. And he seems enough of a closet romantic (underneath all of those layers of perversion) to still be in love with a woman who is still mourning someone else. And I'm relieved it's 'fresh' rather than OOC because I generally want to like every character I writer which leads me to wondering what on Earth would make them do something so *insert adjective here*. In Jiraiya's case I wondered how he justified to himself leaving an orphaned Naruto behind to be ignored and lonely while Tsunade took Shizune with her. I have a couple of ideas on the matter that probably have nothing to do with canon but will nevertheless find their way into the fic. (I had to gget my plot from somewhere!)

Thanks for reading and leaving such a lovely comment!

Plus, I like twisted happily-ever-afters.