Time to vent
Well, here goes.
When I started this journal I didn't really think that I would end up using it. But tonight I really need to vent, even if I'm just typing something. Let me start off by saying that I haven't had issues controlling my anger since high school. I used to have a lot of problems with it back then. I think that part of it was me, and part of it was my reaction to conditions at home. I mean, when all you see is your parents yelling and arguing, I guess it is kind of natural for you to default to the same. Still, I know that it definitely hampered my life. It was terribly self-destructive. In short, I worked hard to change myself. I think I've done a pretty good job of it. That isn't to say that I haven't gotten angry or yelled since then. But I haven't felt the need to do so. I haven't really *wanted* to yell at people.
Until today that is. Today I relapsed... kind of. I mean, I didn't actually go off on anybody or anything. But the drive was definitely there. My boss was being a bit rude and insulting about a topic that's a bit sore with me anyways. But it really wasn't THAT bad. Aside from being a little annoyed it was a situation I should have been able to let go. I just couldn't though. The anger just built up inside of me. Honestly I found myself wanting to beat his face in. I know it seems silly. Wanting to do something and following through are two different things. But for me they really aren't. I deal with situations like that by shutting off my emotions and not being able to do that worries me. I mean, this job sucks but I NEED it for the time being. I can't afford to get fired because I lose my cool and start yelling at a manager.
Anyways, guess I feel a little better after typing. Meh.
When I started this journal I didn't really think that I would end up using it. But tonight I really need to vent, even if I'm just typing something. Let me start off by saying that I haven't had issues controlling my anger since high school. I used to have a lot of problems with it back then. I think that part of it was me, and part of it was my reaction to conditions at home. I mean, when all you see is your parents yelling and arguing, I guess it is kind of natural for you to default to the same. Still, I know that it definitely hampered my life. It was terribly self-destructive. In short, I worked hard to change myself. I think I've done a pretty good job of it. That isn't to say that I haven't gotten angry or yelled since then. But I haven't felt the need to do so. I haven't really *wanted* to yell at people.
Until today that is. Today I relapsed... kind of. I mean, I didn't actually go off on anybody or anything. But the drive was definitely there. My boss was being a bit rude and insulting about a topic that's a bit sore with me anyways. But it really wasn't THAT bad. Aside from being a little annoyed it was a situation I should have been able to let go. I just couldn't though. The anger just built up inside of me. Honestly I found myself wanting to beat his face in. I know it seems silly. Wanting to do something and following through are two different things. But for me they really aren't. I deal with situations like that by shutting off my emotions and not being able to do that worries me. I mean, this job sucks but I NEED it for the time being. I can't afford to get fired because I lose my cool and start yelling at a manager.
Anyways, guess I feel a little better after typing. Meh.