away from you, I lose my mind
None of it meant anything.
Life was just to pass the time.
A fundamental, gnawing emptiness existed always.
I'd paint my eyes black and take pictures of myself lying on my parents' bedroom floor, as if the camera were a lover I felt ashamed to want so bad.
I'd smear red lipstick across my face and photograph my jaw, as if he just finished kissing me raw.
They all never existed except in the space of unspeakable dreams.
I long for him because my mind has convinced me he can cure the emptiness, even if just for a little while.
It's a lie but a beautiful one.
If the truth will save us, we keep lying.
I touch myself and get off at the idea of you surrendering to me your love.
The same way you want me to surrender my body. And I can't. The body never lies.
In between seeing you, I forget what you look like. It feels foreign and impossible we ever kissed.
I can only conclude I don't want real love.
I don't want real anything.
Life was just to pass the time.
A fundamental, gnawing emptiness existed always.
I'd paint my eyes black and take pictures of myself lying on my parents' bedroom floor, as if the camera were a lover I felt ashamed to want so bad.
I'd smear red lipstick across my face and photograph my jaw, as if he just finished kissing me raw.
They all never existed except in the space of unspeakable dreams.
I long for him because my mind has convinced me he can cure the emptiness, even if just for a little while.
It's a lie but a beautiful one.
If the truth will save us, we keep lying.
I touch myself and get off at the idea of you surrendering to me your love.
The same way you want me to surrender my body. And I can't. The body never lies.
In between seeing you, I forget what you look like. It feels foreign and impossible we ever kissed.
I can only conclude I don't want real love.
I don't want real anything.