drink from the keg of glory
Bartlet: Good morning, everybody. Anybody know what the word 'acalculia' means?
Sam: It's the inability to perform arithmetic functions...I'm sorry, Mr. President. You wanted to answer your own question, didn't you?
Bartlet: Yeah, but I'll get over it.
Sam: Good for you, sir. That's very mature.
Bartlet: Shut up.
Sam: You're not over it yet, are you?
Sam: It's a private poll. The press doesn't have access to it... The only way they'd know what questions were being asked is if they were actually called by one of the pollsters and... Oh my god!
C.J.: Yes.
Sam: A reporter got called by one of the pollsters?
Josh: Wow. What are the chances of that?
Sam: The chances of that are astronomical.
Josh: We can calculate it. They sample 800 respondents...
C.J.: Would the two of you stop being amazed by the mathematics!
Leo: A national seat-belt law is never gonna happen.
Sam: Why?
Leo: What's the most important state in the primaries?
Sam: New Hampshire.
Leo: What's the most important state in the general?
Sam: Michigan.
Leo: What's the only state without a mandatory seat-belt law?
Sam: New Hampshire.
Leo: And where do they make the cars?
Sam: …Fair enough.
C.J.: Number of people killed last year retrieving change from a vending machine: four. Number of people killed by a wolf attack: zero. I don't know, I mean, maybe the vending machines fall on them while they're getting their change.
C.J.: Is there anything I can say except 'The President rode his bicycle into a tree'?
Leo: He hopes never to do it again?
C.J.: Seriously, they're laughing pretty hard.
Leo: He rode his bicycle into a tree, CJ. What do you want me-'The President, while riding a bicycle on his vacation in Jackson Hole, came to a sudden arboreal stop'? What do you want from me?
C.J.: A little love, Leo.
Danny: CJ, I'm not staying in the penalty box forever. I have covered the White House for eight years and I've done it with the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time Magazine, and the Dallas Morning News! And I'm telling you you can't mess me around like this!
C.J.: Danny, I just gotta tell you, that was - seriously - that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be your most haughty on the Dallas Morning News in that sentence.
Sam: If you're in the middle of something, I can come back.
Gen. Adamle: We're eliminating genocide. What are you doing?
Sam: Eliminating the penny. So, I'll come back.
Bartlet: I love doing this.
Charlie: Really?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Charlie: Filing tax returns.
Bartlet: Yeah.
Charlie: Okay.
Bartlet: What?
Charlie: I was just thinking about the plurality of Americans who made the decision to pull a lever that had your name next to it.
Bartlet: Suckers.
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