SO YOU'VE FOUND A GIRL WHO BUYS 2% MILK

[substitute]

Tori Amos is a tremendous talent. Great singer, great songwriter. Love 'er! However, her raging success in the 1990s was not without collateral damage. Supermarket muzak now consists almost entirely of women singers with that little-girl voice, backed by pianos and acoustic guitars, singing yearningly about their yearning to yearn. It's dreck. Somehow I imagine Ms. Amos driving around in her car or going to the Stop 'n' Slop and hearing Sixpence Nun and the Michelles trying for a sound somewhere between hers and the Sundays and being blithering idiots, and she slams her Super Big Burp down on the cupholder and yells "Fuck.. FUCKING FUCK!"

I hope she does! Because i do.