bright lights and windy afternoons
"Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on?"
Someone told me the other day that the world was nothing but sin, and ugliness, and the only place to find God was in his word.
I told them that’s a load of crap.
The world is beautiful. From every sunset to each dandelion and every raindrop to each mountaintop, the world is gorgeous, striking with its radiance and beauty.
The people in it just fade the picture most of the time.
I love nothing more than to sit outside on those cool, spring afternoons, and just close my eyes and feel the wind brush through my hair like Gods loving hand is ensuring me that the next day will be better…or to lay in bed on those late summer night and listen to the rain as it drips from the clouds above it and wash away the dirt, leaving this distinct smell of newness in the morning.
That’s God. That has God written all over it. It's too complicated to just be some accident. You just have to look at it through the right eyes sometimes.
--
I don’t get mad. Or upset. I get agitated, and stuff can overwhelm me, and frustrate me, but I just don’t get angry with people. It's pointless.
But today…I don’t feel like I have ever been that infuriated. At almost everyone. The minutes on the clock couldn’t have ticked by any slower…
And I walk in there, daily, knowing I'm no good. But must you tell me? Time and time again? Why do you have to sit and watch me while we practice? And judge me on every little aspect and flaw that I possess. You cut my legs from under me. I don't understand it. I don’t judge you? And you people dragged me into this, and every time he mentions the word mistake you turn and look at me? Why? I am not cocky. I know I stink. Must you remind me? Others have it in their head that they are larger than everything, you don’t point at them. I don’t understand you people…
I really don’t even see the point in being in it again. Honestly. I miss soccer so much it's almost sickening. And why, why does he contradict himself like this? Why am I the bad guy? I don’t want to sell your fundraisers. I don't want to hear your frustration. You have done so much for me, but I'm afraid I can't give you all that you summon. Besides, it's not just them that say things about me…
…So whatever. I hate these days, but a lot of times, I create them myself. Grades stink, and I don’t understand. I work my butt off. I don’t even know why anymore…
What's happening to me? I used to be so in love with life and you and me and all of this, especially people. Oh the people. There was so much to learn. So much to laugh about. So many memories to create.
I hate people feeling sorry for me. I just can't stand it. I want your love, not your pity.
Because everyone is loveable…
Maybe I just have to remember that.
…
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" -Hebrews 11.
-I think my brain just gets clogged up sometimes, so it starts to put all of this life stuff on my heart. And that’s never good. Because heavy hearts tend to slow you down here and there…
"Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, and rather healed."
-Hebrews 12:12-13
Hebrews is very much my new favorite book. It beats the pants off of Romans any day.
Haha.
But I have so much to be thankful for…I am so full of answered prayer and love for my savior it drips from my eyes almost nightly.
And this girl loves me I think…and she makes it all so much sweeter.
Thank you.
Amour and such.