every step that i take is another mistake to you -
Title: Never quite discussed.
Author: subsido
Rating: T - for adult themes
Characters/Ships: Human!Ten/Rose, Jackie
Summary: “Four years I’ve been looking for the Doctor -” her voice is considerably louder now.
“I am the Doctor!” he shouts back.
“But you’re not!”
Author’s Notes: Hell, yeah. Spoilers through 4x13, Journey’s End.
Disclaimer: Rusty owns all!
“I love you.”
He sits up in bed and smiles at her and she offers a small, slightly forced, smile in reply.
“I love you too.”
The words are rehearsed. They taste bitter in Rose’s mouth and she pulls the baggy t-shirt that she had slept in the night before down over her legs and pulled on her underwear without looking at him.
“Something wrong?” he asks her, a frown in his voice. “Rose?”
“I’m fine,” she says quickly. Too quickly.
“Rose.”
She turns and looks at him with a ‘what?’ expression, but softens. “It’s just a lot to get used to, y’know?”
Nothing more is said after that. They both get dressed in silence and enter the kitchen in silence. Once or twice he looks at her but she pretends not to acknowledge him and flicks through the newspaper, trying to seem interested.
“Didn’t know you could read Norwegian,” he comments later.
====
“I was thinking,” Jackie says later, “we could all go for a picnic on the beach, it’s a lovely day. What do you say?”
Rose shrugs and looks back out of the window and across Bad Wolf Bay. The Doctor, on the other hand, grinned up at Jackie manically.
“Love to.”
====
They were walking.
“I really do love you, Rose.”
“I know.”
She sighs.
====
They set their picnic out on the beach, their red and green tartan rug the brightest thing for the whole stretch of sand.
“I love picnics,” he says, opening the basket Jackie had prepared. “Especially on the beach.”
“Rose used to love having picnics, didn’t you sweetheart?” Jackie smiles at her daughter and Rose shrugs.
The Doctor glances at Jackie and she gives him an apologetic look. “Sandwiches and sweets and those million-dollar shortbread things which the caramel that always get sand in but you eat them anyway because they’re tasty all the same,” he pauses, and looks at Rose but she doesn’t return it. “Ribena and salad and cold sausage-rolls and little things from Marks & Spencers that you only bought because they look nice.”
“It is a very pretty shop,” Jackie replies conversationally and nudges Rose. “Don’t you think, sweetie?”
Instead, Rose gets up. “I’m going for a walk.”
“I’ll join you,” the Doctor offers, getting up and she looks at him with an annoyed frown before relenting.
“Fine.”
“That’ll be nice,” Jackie says with a warm smile, “the two of you.”
“Yeah. Really nice,” Rose mumbles off-puttedly before starting to walk.
====
They walk for almost an hour in silence. The beach seems to go on forever. The tide sweeps silently at their feet and the Doctor looked back momentarily to see Jackie moving the picnic basket and rug to the pier to escape the forth moving waves. Three times he attempts to hold her hand but she turns away or looks out across the sea.
It’s the fourth time he tries that she relents and she stops walking and looks up at him. Drops his hand. He can’t help the hurt look that washes over his face.
She looks down and mumbles something that he can’t hear. She looks back up and can see the end of the beach, the dark jutted rock and the clay-coloured sand.
“You miss him, don’t you?”
“You’re him. He’s you. How can I miss him?”
He pauses. “You’d rather it was him, don’t you? That it was him standing here, not me.”
“Can you blame me?” she remarks and turns away.
“Four years I’ve been looking for the Doctor -” her voice is considerably louder now.
“I am the Doctor!” he shouts back.
“But you’re not!” her voice is desparate now. “The little things. The little things that nobody would notice apart from me… how you smile, how you laugh, you don’t scratch behind your ear anymore, you drink coffee not tea and I just…” she blinks back the forth coming tears and looks out across the sea. “Nothing’s the same. You may look like him, think like him, act like him… But you’re not the Doctor,” she looks at him. “You’re not my Doctor.”
He looks down, dejected.
“And you never will be.”
====
That night, he sleeps on the sofa, and when Jackie asks why he just looks at Rose and she understands.
“I’m sorry.”
====
“He loves you, Rose, why are you pushing him away?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted? He loves you and I know you love him too, sweetheart. Just give him a chance.”
Rose pauses, before nodding.
“Fine.”
====
He offers to take her on a walk and she accepts with a slight smile and kisses him before he can say anything else.
He’s still pink an hour later when they return back to the hotel.
====
He goes out one night and doesn’t come back.
She calls him and he says he’s stuck in traffic. He’s on a bus in the middle of London, and she can’t help but smile at the thought. Before she hangs up however, she pauses.
“Doctor.”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
She bites her lip and waits for his reply.
“I love you too.”
She can hear the grin in his voice.
====
He returns at 3am and she’s still up and when he comes in the door she jumps.
“I waited for you,” she says and he grins.
“I love you,” he says, still standing a distance apart.
“I love you more,” she says with a teasing tone and kisses him gently, before deepening it and winding her hands in his air. He pulls away momentarily.
“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
She doesn’t stop.
====
Rose gets up at eight the next morning and bumps into Jackie.
“Good night last night?” she asks with a small smirk.
“Didn’t have you down as such a perve, mum,” Rose replies, rolling her eyes.
====
The next day and the Doctor takes Rose out for a picnic, by themselves this time. They sit on the tartan rug for two hours, reminiscing and laughing. Dark clouds started to fill the sky and Rose groaned.
“We’ll have to go back,” she muttered, gathering up the food and plates.
“No! A bit of rain won’t do any harm,” he told her, getting up and grinning. As it starts to dribble down he takes off his jacket and tie and puts them down on the rug. He takes her hands and pulls her close to him.
“Do you remember? My last regeneration. The basement of that hospital, ooh, 1943?” he grinned.
“You want to dance?” Rose raised an eyebrow. She looks up at the sky. “In the rain?”
“Glad you asked!” he tugged on her hand and ran off until they were both ankle deep in the sea. She giggled.
“You’re bonkers, you are,” she smiled, putting her arms up on his shoulders and resting her head against his chest.
“Wizard,” he grins in reply and they sway together gently as he hums an old Gallifreyan tune.
When he’s finished she looks up at him with the biggest smile and kisses him.
He deepens their kiss and moves his hands down to her waist, pulling her closer. She runs her hands down his wet chest and closes her eyes as he starts to suck and kiss at her neck.
He manoeuvres her to the beach floor and she laughs into his mouth, absolutely soaked in seawater and rain. She unbuttons his shirt and pushes it off him whilst he slips off her t-shirt and starts kissing everywhere and anywhere.
Rose pulls away from him momentarily, breathless. “I love you, Doctor,” she whispered.
He grins and kisses her passionately before replying, “Me too.”
Author: subsido
Rating: T - for adult themes
Characters/Ships: Human!Ten/Rose, Jackie
Summary: “Four years I’ve been looking for the Doctor -” her voice is considerably louder now.
“I am the Doctor!” he shouts back.
“But you’re not!”
Author’s Notes: Hell, yeah. Spoilers through 4x13, Journey’s End.
Disclaimer: Rusty owns all!
“I love you.”
He sits up in bed and smiles at her and she offers a small, slightly forced, smile in reply.
“I love you too.”
The words are rehearsed. They taste bitter in Rose’s mouth and she pulls the baggy t-shirt that she had slept in the night before down over her legs and pulled on her underwear without looking at him.
“Something wrong?” he asks her, a frown in his voice. “Rose?”
“I’m fine,” she says quickly. Too quickly.
“Rose.”
She turns and looks at him with a ‘what?’ expression, but softens. “It’s just a lot to get used to, y’know?”
Nothing more is said after that. They both get dressed in silence and enter the kitchen in silence. Once or twice he looks at her but she pretends not to acknowledge him and flicks through the newspaper, trying to seem interested.
“Didn’t know you could read Norwegian,” he comments later.
====
“I was thinking,” Jackie says later, “we could all go for a picnic on the beach, it’s a lovely day. What do you say?”
Rose shrugs and looks back out of the window and across Bad Wolf Bay. The Doctor, on the other hand, grinned up at Jackie manically.
“Love to.”
====
They were walking.
“I really do love you, Rose.”
“I know.”
She sighs.
====
They set their picnic out on the beach, their red and green tartan rug the brightest thing for the whole stretch of sand.
“I love picnics,” he says, opening the basket Jackie had prepared. “Especially on the beach.”
“Rose used to love having picnics, didn’t you sweetheart?” Jackie smiles at her daughter and Rose shrugs.
The Doctor glances at Jackie and she gives him an apologetic look. “Sandwiches and sweets and those million-dollar shortbread things which the caramel that always get sand in but you eat them anyway because they’re tasty all the same,” he pauses, and looks at Rose but she doesn’t return it. “Ribena and salad and cold sausage-rolls and little things from Marks & Spencers that you only bought because they look nice.”
“It is a very pretty shop,” Jackie replies conversationally and nudges Rose. “Don’t you think, sweetie?”
Instead, Rose gets up. “I’m going for a walk.”
“I’ll join you,” the Doctor offers, getting up and she looks at him with an annoyed frown before relenting.
“Fine.”
“That’ll be nice,” Jackie says with a warm smile, “the two of you.”
“Yeah. Really nice,” Rose mumbles off-puttedly before starting to walk.
====
They walk for almost an hour in silence. The beach seems to go on forever. The tide sweeps silently at their feet and the Doctor looked back momentarily to see Jackie moving the picnic basket and rug to the pier to escape the forth moving waves. Three times he attempts to hold her hand but she turns away or looks out across the sea.
It’s the fourth time he tries that she relents and she stops walking and looks up at him. Drops his hand. He can’t help the hurt look that washes over his face.
She looks down and mumbles something that he can’t hear. She looks back up and can see the end of the beach, the dark jutted rock and the clay-coloured sand.
“You miss him, don’t you?”
“You’re him. He’s you. How can I miss him?”
He pauses. “You’d rather it was him, don’t you? That it was him standing here, not me.”
“Can you blame me?” she remarks and turns away.
“Four years I’ve been looking for the Doctor -” her voice is considerably louder now.
“I am the Doctor!” he shouts back.
“But you’re not!” her voice is desparate now. “The little things. The little things that nobody would notice apart from me… how you smile, how you laugh, you don’t scratch behind your ear anymore, you drink coffee not tea and I just…” she blinks back the forth coming tears and looks out across the sea. “Nothing’s the same. You may look like him, think like him, act like him… But you’re not the Doctor,” she looks at him. “You’re not my Doctor.”
He looks down, dejected.
“And you never will be.”
====
That night, he sleeps on the sofa, and when Jackie asks why he just looks at Rose and she understands.
“I’m sorry.”
====
“He loves you, Rose, why are you pushing him away?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted? He loves you and I know you love him too, sweetheart. Just give him a chance.”
Rose pauses, before nodding.
“Fine.”
====
He offers to take her on a walk and she accepts with a slight smile and kisses him before he can say anything else.
He’s still pink an hour later when they return back to the hotel.
====
He goes out one night and doesn’t come back.
She calls him and he says he’s stuck in traffic. He’s on a bus in the middle of London, and she can’t help but smile at the thought. Before she hangs up however, she pauses.
“Doctor.”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
She bites her lip and waits for his reply.
“I love you too.”
She can hear the grin in his voice.
====
He returns at 3am and she’s still up and when he comes in the door she jumps.
“I waited for you,” she says and he grins.
“I love you,” he says, still standing a distance apart.
“I love you more,” she says with a teasing tone and kisses him gently, before deepening it and winding her hands in his air. He pulls away momentarily.
“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
She doesn’t stop.
====
Rose gets up at eight the next morning and bumps into Jackie.
“Good night last night?” she asks with a small smirk.
“Didn’t have you down as such a perve, mum,” Rose replies, rolling her eyes.
====
The next day and the Doctor takes Rose out for a picnic, by themselves this time. They sit on the tartan rug for two hours, reminiscing and laughing. Dark clouds started to fill the sky and Rose groaned.
“We’ll have to go back,” she muttered, gathering up the food and plates.
“No! A bit of rain won’t do any harm,” he told her, getting up and grinning. As it starts to dribble down he takes off his jacket and tie and puts them down on the rug. He takes her hands and pulls her close to him.
“Do you remember? My last regeneration. The basement of that hospital, ooh, 1943?” he grinned.
“You want to dance?” Rose raised an eyebrow. She looks up at the sky. “In the rain?”
“Glad you asked!” he tugged on her hand and ran off until they were both ankle deep in the sea. She giggled.
“You’re bonkers, you are,” she smiled, putting her arms up on his shoulders and resting her head against his chest.
“Wizard,” he grins in reply and they sway together gently as he hums an old Gallifreyan tune.
When he’s finished she looks up at him with the biggest smile and kisses him.
He deepens their kiss and moves his hands down to her waist, pulling her closer. She runs her hands down his wet chest and closes her eyes as he starts to suck and kiss at her neck.
He manoeuvres her to the beach floor and she laughs into his mouth, absolutely soaked in seawater and rain. She unbuttons his shirt and pushes it off him whilst he slips off her t-shirt and starts kissing everywhere and anywhere.
Rose pulls away from him momentarily, breathless. “I love you, Doctor,” she whispered.
He grins and kisses her passionately before replying, “Me too.”