Breathe 7 - Sobering
Title: Breathe - A Chronicle of Skandar and William
Chapter: 7
Pairing: Will/Skandar
Rating: R
Summary: William finds the reality of his past inadequacies to be truly sobering.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, and they have no bearing on anyone at all. It's FICTION.
Warnings: All of them.
Breathe
A Chronicle of Skandar and William
Chapter 7 - Sobering
THE DAY THE WORLD FELL
“In light of the pending criminal investigation and the documented instability of Mr. Skandar Keynes-Moseley, I am hereby awarding temporary full custody of the children to Mr. William Keynes-Moseley until a formal custody hearing can determine final custody.”
Skandar stood in the courtroom, eyes wide with disbelief as the family court judge delivered his verdict. He slumped down, hand gripping his chest as the words sunk in. Things had spiralled out of control so fast. In the space of three days he’d been out of hospital and thrown into the middle of a fierce public custody battle with William. A battle he’d lost thanks to his anger, and for punching Jimmy in front of so many people.
To make matters worse, William hadn’t even attended today. Jimmy, a man Skandar had a near burning hatred for now, had come in his place. William didn’t even have the respect to come today and face this with Skandar. Instead his overpaid lawyer and his personal assistant were waving his banner.
Skandar couldn’t even move. He couldn’t believe this had actually happened. By the time he finally pulled himself together and rushed home to hopefully see his two boys before Sarah had to hand them to William, they’d already been taken.
Neither Sarah nor Anna could console Skandar as he lay curled on the floor in Petey’s room, gasping and sobbing fitfully. His boys were gone. He’d put his acting career on the backburner and concentrated on his production company just so he could spend more time with his boys. They were his life. How could William do this to him?
“I hate that bastard.” Sarah cursed, trying her best to console Skandar.
“Not now.” Anna said curtly to Sarah, frowning for Skandar’s pain.
Anna truly believed, hoped, that William would come around. She hoped he’d stop these proceedings and talk to Skandar. Instead, he’d done the complete opposite. All she could hope now was that William looked after those boys.
WE WON
“Well, how do you feel, Superstar?” Jimmy asked, grinning as he stood in front of William in his penthouse.
Seeing as Skandar had the house, William had taken residence in a penthouse in the heart of Auckland City. Eddy bounced in William’s arms while Petey sat on the couch, looking rather miserable. Jimmy couldn’t seem to wipe the grin from his face.
William shrugged, not sure how to answer Jimmy. He knew he should be grateful that he’d been granted custody of his boys, but he found little to celebrate. His marriage had completely crashed and burned.
“I brought us something extra special to celebrate. Special blend, Baby Mo.” Jimmy grinned, holding up a small bag filled with white powder, “Get the kids to bed, Will, so we can have some fun. Everyone’s coming over to celebrate.”
William just frowned sadly. Drugs. Partying. Excess. Fame. He was a solo parent now, raising two young boys. How could he even pull that off when he was surrounded by things that were far from suitable for Petey and Eddy? Things that he now realized were utterly repulsive and disgusting.
There were two Williams. The superstar and the family man. More and more he separated the two over the years. Now he realized that he could no longer have both lives.
William sighed and shook his head, “And who is supposed to look after the boys while all this celebrating is going on?”
“I don’t know. Hire a nanny.” Jimmy shrugged, “Come on, Will, you have to celebrate. After all this shit with Skandar, you finally have a chance to breathe and relax. Let your hair down and have a good time.”
“Yes, well, I’m starting to see now that maybe Skandar had a point all along about me shirking my responsibilities as a father. I was out partying, filming, being famous, and just ... fucking up.” William said, clenching his eyes shut as shame overwhelmed him.
He hated facing himself, facing the truth. He hated truly facing the realization that he was indeed a bad father, a bad husband, and in many ways, a bad person. He didn’t like himself at all now that he had to face up to his selfish lifestyle.
“Come on, Will.” Jimmy urged, “You’ve done your bit with the kids. People are expecting to see you tonight.”
“I know. My boys are. All I want is my boys.” William whispered as he felt Eddy grip his cheeks and give him a wet kiss.
He couldn’t help but smile tearfully at the sensitive touch of his baby son. Just being around them made him feel like a better person. They made him realize what a selfish life he’d been living for the last few years.
“The only reason I did this is because I didn’t want to lose them.” William sighed, opening his eyes and frowning at the forlorn sight of Petey.
“And you haven’t, Superstar. You haven’t.” Jimmy said, still waving his little bag, “Come on, it’s a special occasion.”
“What’s that stuff?” Petey asked curiously, causing William to snatch the bag from Jimmy.
“It’s nothing, Baby. Nothing Poppa wants, I promise.” William said, finding his resolve coming to him immediately upon his son speaking.
William tossed the bag into the insinkerator, disposing of it quickly. Jimmy gasped with eyes wide in shock. He tried to dive for the bag, but he was too late. The bag was ripped to shreds by the garbage disposal unit and rendered useless. He couldn’t believe what William had just done.
“Will, do you know how much that shit cost me!?” Jimmy screamed, grabbing his hair in frustration, “You fucking wasted it!”
“Jimmy, tonight is for my boys. Go home. I don’t want any visitors or celebrations.” William said.
“Man, we should’ve stayed in Los Angeles. Ever since we came back, it’s just been shit with you.” Jimmy snapped, “Don’t forget who helped make you what you are today.”
“A bad father, a bad husband, a weak minded asshole?” William said, before he silently apologized to Petey for swearing, “Yes, Jimmy, I know just what you helped make me into.”
“You’re a superstar, Will. That’s what I made you into. You were doing indie shit before I came along.”
“You know something, Jimmy?” William asked, cradling Eddy and glancing at Petey, “I liked that indie shit. Now if you think I should be celebrating the disintegration of my marriage and the fact that I’ve broken Skandar’s heart by taking his boys away, you’re dead wrong. Now I fully accept that I let myself be led by you. I let myself get full of myself. I hate myself for what I am now. But it’s time for me to make it all right. Even if it’s already too late.”
“It is right, Will. Can’t you see?”
“Jimmy, you’re fired.” William said resolutely, “Thanks for everything you’ve done for me, but you aren’t the kind of influence I want anymore. Only one man should have ever influenced me and I put you above him, because you played to my ego. Now I have to face up to what I’ve done. I can’t do that anymore with you. You’re fired.”
“You ... you can’t fire me! I just got your kids for you!” Jimmy gasped, “I made you a superstar! You can’t fire me! I’ll freaking sue!”
“Try it. This is New Zealand. You can’t sue for contractually allowed dismissal.” William stated, “Don’t cause a scene. I just want you to go.”
“This isn’t over.” Jimmy said, walking past William, “When you come to your fucking senses, I’ll be waiting. When you’re over this little guilt trip you put yourself on and you’re ready to party, live the high life, and be the superstar I made you into, I’ll be waiting. We’re tied, Will. You and me. We’re tied.”
“Goodbye, Jimmy.” William said calmly, sighing in relief when he heard the door click shut behind him.
William couldn’t believe he’d just let Jimmy go. He felt ... free. He felt lighter. He couldn’t believe it. He was already starting to feel like his old self now.
“Poppa’s going to be so much better now.” William smiled tearfully, spinning around with a giggling Eddy, “You’ll see. We’re going to be a family again.”
“No we’re not.” Petey pouted, “I want Daddy.”
“Sweetheart?” William said sadly, kneeling down in front of Petey, “Could you give Poppa tonight to try and spend some time with you? Could you try for Poppa? I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m trying and I’m going to try even harder.”
“But I miss Daddy.” Petey pouted, beginning to cry, “I want my Daddy!”
“Meh hundeh.” Eddy said, yawning and randomly punching Peter in the nose, “Meh wan’ bweakfash.”
“Sweetheart, it’s dinnertime.” William said softly.
“Dup.” Eddy nodded in agreement, “Bweakfash.”
“Well ...” William said, trying to think above Petey’s cries and Eddy’s demands for food, “What do you normally eat for dinner? What would you like?”
“Bweakfash.” Eddy nodded vehemently, “Meh wan’ bweakfash.”
“I want my Daddy!” Petey sobbed, “I want my Daddy!”
William quickly found himself flustered. He realized now more than ever that he truly had missed a lot. He had no idea what to feed Eddy, nor did he have any idea how to soothe Petey. Skandar had taken care of all of this for so long that now William simply didn’t know how to deal with it.
SOBERING
Skandar’s eyes were bloodshot. He’d been crying all evening. Though Sarah wanted to stay, Anna had dragged her away to give Skandar some space. He’d used it to drink himself into despair. Without his boys, he didn’t want to go to sleep sober.
So when he heard the phone ring, he stood up and stumbled over to it. He picked it up, but in his drunken state, he tripped over and missed the phone altogether. By the time he grabbed it, it stopped ringing.
He sighed and frowned, before shrugging, “Can’t have been that important then.”
I’M TRYING
“Daddy’s not answering, Baby.” William said to Petey, “He might be sleeping.”
“He’s not sleeping.” Petey frowned, still crying, “He’s waiting for us to go home. When are we going home?”
“You’re going to stay here with me for a while, Sweetheart.” William said softly, still bouncing a hungry Eddy in his arms as he stroked Petey’s cheek, “I know it’s hard without Daddy, but I promise you, Poppa is going to try and get Daddy back.”
William blinked back tears when he realized what he was saying, “Poppa has been stupid, so very stupid for such a very long time. But now Poppa knows what he’s been doing wrong. Poppa loves you, he loves Eddy, he loves Daddy. I’ve been a bad father, and I’ve been very bad to Daddy. Petey, I know I’ve let you down, but will you please give me a chance?”
“I want to go home.” Petey said, “If you let me go home, with Eddy, I’ll give you a chance.”
“Harsh negotiator.” William said thoughtfully, “Do you think Poppa could come home too?”
Petey frowned and pondered William’s words. He wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t sure if his Daddy would be happy to have Poppa come home.
“Alright.” Petey nodded finally, “But can we go now?”
FOR YOU
Skandar stepped out of the shower, unable to sleep, even after he’d tried to drink himself to it. Now, sober and still very miserable, he wrapped a towel around his waist and walked out onto the balcony. He sat down, staring out over the night sea, tears once more beginning to fall. He missed his boys so much he could hardly contain himself. It was a physical ache that he could neither sleep through nor heal.
“Teacup?”
Skandar almost jumped at the word. He stood up and turned to see William standing inside the house, staring at him. He moved forward, gasping sobs overwhelming him as he clenched his fists and readied to lunge at William. He just wanted to kill him for ruining everything he ever loved; his marriage, his family.
He stopped when he saw Petey standing behind William, holding his hand, and Eddy cradled in Anna’s arms. He looked at her curiously, but figured that William must have called her to help him get onto the property since Skandar had changed all access to keep him out.
Skandar was beyond surprised to see all of them, but utterly elated to see his boys. He stepped around William and picked Petey up, loud sobs escaping as he smiled and laughed. He spun his son around, kissing his cheek messily before he did the same to a sleeping Eddy.
“My boys.” Skandar gasped, emotion charging his words, “My beautiful boys. Oh, Will. Will, why are you doing this to me? Don’t take my babies away.”
“Daddy, we’re home.” Petey said, “I’m tired. Can we go to bed now?”
Skandar turned to William, a pleading in his eyes. He was desperate. He would do anything if William would just let him have his boys.
William nodded quickly, taking Eddy from Anna’s arms before he and Skandar both took the boys to bed. It was a rather heartfelt tucking in from both Daddy and Poppa. Anna watched from the doorway, ready to take over watch soon. She knew William would soon pull Skandar away to talk.
Skandar gazed upon his boys, smiling lovingly, relieved beyond belief that his loves were home with him. He didn’t know what he’d do without them. He looked across at William who sat on the other side of the bed the two boys often shared when they weren’t sleeping with Skandar. He nodded softly, thanking William for bringing them back. When the boys were both asleep and Skandar had watched them for a while, William placed his hand upon Skandar’s back.
“We need to talk, Teacup.” William whispered.
Skandar nodded and stood up, before Anna took their place in the boy’s room. Though Sarah wanted to be here, Anna had intentionally left her behind as she knew Sarah was incapable of being impartial around William and Skandar. Her loyalties were to Skandar, without exception. Anna was more pragmatic and able to view the situation from a better overall perspective.
A few moments later, Skandar and William were walking down to their beach together. Given that it was the middle of the night, they were alone. William knew if they started raising their voices, it was best to be away from the house.
“Will, I’m sorry we fought.” Skandar started, desperation in his voice, “I’m sorry. Please. Please, you have to stop this. I’ll give you whatever you want. I’ll give you whatever settlement you want. I’ll give you everything I own, Will. You can have the house. You can have my studio, my production company, you can take the shirt off my back. I’ll give you everything I have. I’ll make this divorce painless. I’ll tell everyone it was my fault we divorced. I don’t care. Just give me back my boys, please. Please, Will. God, please don’t take away my boys. I’ll give you everything I have, just give me back my boys.”
Skandar was pleading desperately, fear in his eyes as he sobbed openly. He was laying his heart bare for William. It hurt William to see Skandar do this. To beg him like this. To want to throw away everything he had, just so William would let him have his boys. It was in this act that William realized why if either of them had to have the boys, it had to be Skandar. Skandar’s priorities had always been right. Skandar had always put the boys first. It was William who hadn’t.
William finally nodded, a little emotional himself. He cupped Skandar’s face, thumbing away his tears. “I brought them back, because they belong with their Daddy. It should never have gone this far. I should never have allowed it to come this far. I thought if I had them, I could hold onto you. But I realized tonight that my hold on you was long destroyed, by my own doing. All I want is my boys happy, and they’re happiest with you. You’re their Daddy. I ... I’ve been so fucking selfish, Skan. I’m an utter tosser. Please don’t beg me. Not you. I’m the one. I’m the one. Skan ... Teacup ...”
Skandar’s tears flowed freely now as he heard that name spoken on William’s lips. It hurt him to hear it. He’d tried so hard to remove its power from his life, but still the very mention of Teacup on William’s lips and Skandar felt like it was their wedding day all over again.
“Will.” Skandar gasped, rubbing his hands up William’s chest as he cried, “I don’t hate you. I just ... don’t ... know you.”
“I know.” William nodded, unable to stem his own tears now, “I know. I’ve done so many things. I don’t deserve another chance. I really don’t. I know that. That’s why ... that’s why ...”
“Why what?” Skandar asked, wiping his eyes and looking up at William.
“I’m going to let you go.” William gasped, sobbing now as he held Skandar’s hands to his face, “I’ll give you your divorce, Teacup. I won’t fight for the boys. I won’t try and take anything that’s yours. All I want is for you to be happy. And I realized tonight that ... I don’t make you happy. I make you miserable. Oh God, I feel like I’ve woken up from a fucking nightmare. I have treated you so cruelly. I’ve done so many things.”
Skandar shook his head, “I don’t want to hear them. I don’t care what you did. If it’s over, it’s over. And there’s no point in us talking about what you’ve done.”
“I swear, unless I was absolutely smashed, I am certain I never cheated on you. I’m positive. I know there were times I probably revelled in the attention a bit much, but I ... I’m sure, Skan, and I have nothing to lose or gain by telling you that now.”
“You were smashed a whole lot, Will. And I’m not dumb.” Skandar sighed, slumping onto the sand and resting his head on his knees, “You fucking whored yourself out for fame. I know you fucked around on me. I know you did drugs. I know you did so much shit.”
“If I did drugs, it wasn’t because I intended to. I was drunk and ...”
“That’s an excuse?” Skandar asked, looking up at William, “You keep talking, Will, and all I hear are excuses, none of which I frankly give a shit about right now. You brought me back my boys and I’m grateful for that. That’s all I care about right now. I don’t want to hate you. Not right now, Will.”
William sat down next to Skandar, “I feel like ... like I’ve just woken up from a bad dream. Or from a night of being drunk. Only it’s been for the last few years. And now I realize I’m an absolute cunt. And I don’t want to be anymore. I’m so sorry, Skandar. I’m so sorry, Teacup.”
William pulled himself to Skandar, crying into his chest. He held onto Skandar as they sat on the sand. He didn’t know what else to say. He knew he wanted Skandar back in his life. He wanted Skandar and no one else except his boys. But he also knew he didn’t deserve Skandar’s love anymore. Not after the way he’d treated him.
“Will, we can make it work.” Skandar said quickly, clutching William with all his might, “Now you know, you can change. I can feel it already. I can feel my William again. Oh God, you can’t have this fucking epiphany and then leave me again. God, Will, please. I don’t care what you’ve done. I’m giving you another chance. Just come home and be home. Be my baby again. By my lover, my friend, my husband. Be what you swore you’d be when we were married. Be a father to those boys. Please, Will. Please. I’ve done this on my own for so long. I can’t do it again without knowing I didn’t at least try. Please. Be the man I married.”
William only cried harder into Skandar’s bare chest, clutching him with all his might. How could he have abused and neglected this man he held in his arms? How could he forfeit the greatest love he’d ever known in his life?
“I’m so sorry, Teacup.” William sobbed, “I’m so sorry. I’ve hurt you so much. I’m so sorry.”
“Just come home, Baby. Just come home. Please. Come home.” Skandar begged, “Don’t leave your Teacup. I could divorce you, but I’d still belong to you. I’ll always belong just to you.”
“Fuck me.” William cursed, “Fuck me with a giant fucking giant thing. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you.”
“You’re right, you don’t.” Skandar chuckled tearfully, kissing the top of William’s head, “Just stop being a complete tosser and start being a good William again, ok? William who loves Skandar?”
“I can try?” William said, doing his best not to cry, “I’ll try, Teacup. I’ll try and fix this, and if I can’t, I’ll understand if you still want this divorce. Just ... please ... please, Skan, please let me try.”
Skandar sighed, closing his eyes and doing his best to keep his smile in check as he buried his face in William’s hair. He felt an ebb of hope brimming within him. Was his William finally back?
- To Be Continued -
Jimmy refuses to go quietly into the night. Skandar and William try to save their marriage.
Chapter: 7
Pairing: Will/Skandar
Rating: R
Summary: William finds the reality of his past inadequacies to be truly sobering.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, and they have no bearing on anyone at all. It's FICTION.
Warnings: All of them.
Breathe
A Chronicle of Skandar and William
Chapter 7 - Sobering
THE DAY THE WORLD FELL
“In light of the pending criminal investigation and the documented instability of Mr. Skandar Keynes-Moseley, I am hereby awarding temporary full custody of the children to Mr. William Keynes-Moseley until a formal custody hearing can determine final custody.”
Skandar stood in the courtroom, eyes wide with disbelief as the family court judge delivered his verdict. He slumped down, hand gripping his chest as the words sunk in. Things had spiralled out of control so fast. In the space of three days he’d been out of hospital and thrown into the middle of a fierce public custody battle with William. A battle he’d lost thanks to his anger, and for punching Jimmy in front of so many people.
To make matters worse, William hadn’t even attended today. Jimmy, a man Skandar had a near burning hatred for now, had come in his place. William didn’t even have the respect to come today and face this with Skandar. Instead his overpaid lawyer and his personal assistant were waving his banner.
Skandar couldn’t even move. He couldn’t believe this had actually happened. By the time he finally pulled himself together and rushed home to hopefully see his two boys before Sarah had to hand them to William, they’d already been taken.
Neither Sarah nor Anna could console Skandar as he lay curled on the floor in Petey’s room, gasping and sobbing fitfully. His boys were gone. He’d put his acting career on the backburner and concentrated on his production company just so he could spend more time with his boys. They were his life. How could William do this to him?
“I hate that bastard.” Sarah cursed, trying her best to console Skandar.
“Not now.” Anna said curtly to Sarah, frowning for Skandar’s pain.
Anna truly believed, hoped, that William would come around. She hoped he’d stop these proceedings and talk to Skandar. Instead, he’d done the complete opposite. All she could hope now was that William looked after those boys.
WE WON
“Well, how do you feel, Superstar?” Jimmy asked, grinning as he stood in front of William in his penthouse.
Seeing as Skandar had the house, William had taken residence in a penthouse in the heart of Auckland City. Eddy bounced in William’s arms while Petey sat on the couch, looking rather miserable. Jimmy couldn’t seem to wipe the grin from his face.
William shrugged, not sure how to answer Jimmy. He knew he should be grateful that he’d been granted custody of his boys, but he found little to celebrate. His marriage had completely crashed and burned.
“I brought us something extra special to celebrate. Special blend, Baby Mo.” Jimmy grinned, holding up a small bag filled with white powder, “Get the kids to bed, Will, so we can have some fun. Everyone’s coming over to celebrate.”
William just frowned sadly. Drugs. Partying. Excess. Fame. He was a solo parent now, raising two young boys. How could he even pull that off when he was surrounded by things that were far from suitable for Petey and Eddy? Things that he now realized were utterly repulsive and disgusting.
There were two Williams. The superstar and the family man. More and more he separated the two over the years. Now he realized that he could no longer have both lives.
William sighed and shook his head, “And who is supposed to look after the boys while all this celebrating is going on?”
“I don’t know. Hire a nanny.” Jimmy shrugged, “Come on, Will, you have to celebrate. After all this shit with Skandar, you finally have a chance to breathe and relax. Let your hair down and have a good time.”
“Yes, well, I’m starting to see now that maybe Skandar had a point all along about me shirking my responsibilities as a father. I was out partying, filming, being famous, and just ... fucking up.” William said, clenching his eyes shut as shame overwhelmed him.
He hated facing himself, facing the truth. He hated truly facing the realization that he was indeed a bad father, a bad husband, and in many ways, a bad person. He didn’t like himself at all now that he had to face up to his selfish lifestyle.
“Come on, Will.” Jimmy urged, “You’ve done your bit with the kids. People are expecting to see you tonight.”
“I know. My boys are. All I want is my boys.” William whispered as he felt Eddy grip his cheeks and give him a wet kiss.
He couldn’t help but smile tearfully at the sensitive touch of his baby son. Just being around them made him feel like a better person. They made him realize what a selfish life he’d been living for the last few years.
“The only reason I did this is because I didn’t want to lose them.” William sighed, opening his eyes and frowning at the forlorn sight of Petey.
“And you haven’t, Superstar. You haven’t.” Jimmy said, still waving his little bag, “Come on, it’s a special occasion.”
“What’s that stuff?” Petey asked curiously, causing William to snatch the bag from Jimmy.
“It’s nothing, Baby. Nothing Poppa wants, I promise.” William said, finding his resolve coming to him immediately upon his son speaking.
William tossed the bag into the insinkerator, disposing of it quickly. Jimmy gasped with eyes wide in shock. He tried to dive for the bag, but he was too late. The bag was ripped to shreds by the garbage disposal unit and rendered useless. He couldn’t believe what William had just done.
“Will, do you know how much that shit cost me!?” Jimmy screamed, grabbing his hair in frustration, “You fucking wasted it!”
“Jimmy, tonight is for my boys. Go home. I don’t want any visitors or celebrations.” William said.
“Man, we should’ve stayed in Los Angeles. Ever since we came back, it’s just been shit with you.” Jimmy snapped, “Don’t forget who helped make you what you are today.”
“A bad father, a bad husband, a weak minded asshole?” William said, before he silently apologized to Petey for swearing, “Yes, Jimmy, I know just what you helped make me into.”
“You’re a superstar, Will. That’s what I made you into. You were doing indie shit before I came along.”
“You know something, Jimmy?” William asked, cradling Eddy and glancing at Petey, “I liked that indie shit. Now if you think I should be celebrating the disintegration of my marriage and the fact that I’ve broken Skandar’s heart by taking his boys away, you’re dead wrong. Now I fully accept that I let myself be led by you. I let myself get full of myself. I hate myself for what I am now. But it’s time for me to make it all right. Even if it’s already too late.”
“It is right, Will. Can’t you see?”
“Jimmy, you’re fired.” William said resolutely, “Thanks for everything you’ve done for me, but you aren’t the kind of influence I want anymore. Only one man should have ever influenced me and I put you above him, because you played to my ego. Now I have to face up to what I’ve done. I can’t do that anymore with you. You’re fired.”
“You ... you can’t fire me! I just got your kids for you!” Jimmy gasped, “I made you a superstar! You can’t fire me! I’ll freaking sue!”
“Try it. This is New Zealand. You can’t sue for contractually allowed dismissal.” William stated, “Don’t cause a scene. I just want you to go.”
“This isn’t over.” Jimmy said, walking past William, “When you come to your fucking senses, I’ll be waiting. When you’re over this little guilt trip you put yourself on and you’re ready to party, live the high life, and be the superstar I made you into, I’ll be waiting. We’re tied, Will. You and me. We’re tied.”
“Goodbye, Jimmy.” William said calmly, sighing in relief when he heard the door click shut behind him.
William couldn’t believe he’d just let Jimmy go. He felt ... free. He felt lighter. He couldn’t believe it. He was already starting to feel like his old self now.
“Poppa’s going to be so much better now.” William smiled tearfully, spinning around with a giggling Eddy, “You’ll see. We’re going to be a family again.”
“No we’re not.” Petey pouted, “I want Daddy.”
“Sweetheart?” William said sadly, kneeling down in front of Petey, “Could you give Poppa tonight to try and spend some time with you? Could you try for Poppa? I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m trying and I’m going to try even harder.”
“But I miss Daddy.” Petey pouted, beginning to cry, “I want my Daddy!”
“Meh hundeh.” Eddy said, yawning and randomly punching Peter in the nose, “Meh wan’ bweakfash.”
“Sweetheart, it’s dinnertime.” William said softly.
“Dup.” Eddy nodded in agreement, “Bweakfash.”
“Well ...” William said, trying to think above Petey’s cries and Eddy’s demands for food, “What do you normally eat for dinner? What would you like?”
“Bweakfash.” Eddy nodded vehemently, “Meh wan’ bweakfash.”
“I want my Daddy!” Petey sobbed, “I want my Daddy!”
William quickly found himself flustered. He realized now more than ever that he truly had missed a lot. He had no idea what to feed Eddy, nor did he have any idea how to soothe Petey. Skandar had taken care of all of this for so long that now William simply didn’t know how to deal with it.
SOBERING
Skandar’s eyes were bloodshot. He’d been crying all evening. Though Sarah wanted to stay, Anna had dragged her away to give Skandar some space. He’d used it to drink himself into despair. Without his boys, he didn’t want to go to sleep sober.
So when he heard the phone ring, he stood up and stumbled over to it. He picked it up, but in his drunken state, he tripped over and missed the phone altogether. By the time he grabbed it, it stopped ringing.
He sighed and frowned, before shrugging, “Can’t have been that important then.”
I’M TRYING
“Daddy’s not answering, Baby.” William said to Petey, “He might be sleeping.”
“He’s not sleeping.” Petey frowned, still crying, “He’s waiting for us to go home. When are we going home?”
“You’re going to stay here with me for a while, Sweetheart.” William said softly, still bouncing a hungry Eddy in his arms as he stroked Petey’s cheek, “I know it’s hard without Daddy, but I promise you, Poppa is going to try and get Daddy back.”
William blinked back tears when he realized what he was saying, “Poppa has been stupid, so very stupid for such a very long time. But now Poppa knows what he’s been doing wrong. Poppa loves you, he loves Eddy, he loves Daddy. I’ve been a bad father, and I’ve been very bad to Daddy. Petey, I know I’ve let you down, but will you please give me a chance?”
“I want to go home.” Petey said, “If you let me go home, with Eddy, I’ll give you a chance.”
“Harsh negotiator.” William said thoughtfully, “Do you think Poppa could come home too?”
Petey frowned and pondered William’s words. He wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t sure if his Daddy would be happy to have Poppa come home.
“Alright.” Petey nodded finally, “But can we go now?”
FOR YOU
Skandar stepped out of the shower, unable to sleep, even after he’d tried to drink himself to it. Now, sober and still very miserable, he wrapped a towel around his waist and walked out onto the balcony. He sat down, staring out over the night sea, tears once more beginning to fall. He missed his boys so much he could hardly contain himself. It was a physical ache that he could neither sleep through nor heal.
“Teacup?”
Skandar almost jumped at the word. He stood up and turned to see William standing inside the house, staring at him. He moved forward, gasping sobs overwhelming him as he clenched his fists and readied to lunge at William. He just wanted to kill him for ruining everything he ever loved; his marriage, his family.
He stopped when he saw Petey standing behind William, holding his hand, and Eddy cradled in Anna’s arms. He looked at her curiously, but figured that William must have called her to help him get onto the property since Skandar had changed all access to keep him out.
Skandar was beyond surprised to see all of them, but utterly elated to see his boys. He stepped around William and picked Petey up, loud sobs escaping as he smiled and laughed. He spun his son around, kissing his cheek messily before he did the same to a sleeping Eddy.
“My boys.” Skandar gasped, emotion charging his words, “My beautiful boys. Oh, Will. Will, why are you doing this to me? Don’t take my babies away.”
“Daddy, we’re home.” Petey said, “I’m tired. Can we go to bed now?”
Skandar turned to William, a pleading in his eyes. He was desperate. He would do anything if William would just let him have his boys.
William nodded quickly, taking Eddy from Anna’s arms before he and Skandar both took the boys to bed. It was a rather heartfelt tucking in from both Daddy and Poppa. Anna watched from the doorway, ready to take over watch soon. She knew William would soon pull Skandar away to talk.
Skandar gazed upon his boys, smiling lovingly, relieved beyond belief that his loves were home with him. He didn’t know what he’d do without them. He looked across at William who sat on the other side of the bed the two boys often shared when they weren’t sleeping with Skandar. He nodded softly, thanking William for bringing them back. When the boys were both asleep and Skandar had watched them for a while, William placed his hand upon Skandar’s back.
“We need to talk, Teacup.” William whispered.
Skandar nodded and stood up, before Anna took their place in the boy’s room. Though Sarah wanted to be here, Anna had intentionally left her behind as she knew Sarah was incapable of being impartial around William and Skandar. Her loyalties were to Skandar, without exception. Anna was more pragmatic and able to view the situation from a better overall perspective.
A few moments later, Skandar and William were walking down to their beach together. Given that it was the middle of the night, they were alone. William knew if they started raising their voices, it was best to be away from the house.
“Will, I’m sorry we fought.” Skandar started, desperation in his voice, “I’m sorry. Please. Please, you have to stop this. I’ll give you whatever you want. I’ll give you whatever settlement you want. I’ll give you everything I own, Will. You can have the house. You can have my studio, my production company, you can take the shirt off my back. I’ll give you everything I have. I’ll make this divorce painless. I’ll tell everyone it was my fault we divorced. I don’t care. Just give me back my boys, please. Please, Will. God, please don’t take away my boys. I’ll give you everything I have, just give me back my boys.”
Skandar was pleading desperately, fear in his eyes as he sobbed openly. He was laying his heart bare for William. It hurt William to see Skandar do this. To beg him like this. To want to throw away everything he had, just so William would let him have his boys. It was in this act that William realized why if either of them had to have the boys, it had to be Skandar. Skandar’s priorities had always been right. Skandar had always put the boys first. It was William who hadn’t.
William finally nodded, a little emotional himself. He cupped Skandar’s face, thumbing away his tears. “I brought them back, because they belong with their Daddy. It should never have gone this far. I should never have allowed it to come this far. I thought if I had them, I could hold onto you. But I realized tonight that my hold on you was long destroyed, by my own doing. All I want is my boys happy, and they’re happiest with you. You’re their Daddy. I ... I’ve been so fucking selfish, Skan. I’m an utter tosser. Please don’t beg me. Not you. I’m the one. I’m the one. Skan ... Teacup ...”
Skandar’s tears flowed freely now as he heard that name spoken on William’s lips. It hurt him to hear it. He’d tried so hard to remove its power from his life, but still the very mention of Teacup on William’s lips and Skandar felt like it was their wedding day all over again.
“Will.” Skandar gasped, rubbing his hands up William’s chest as he cried, “I don’t hate you. I just ... don’t ... know you.”
“I know.” William nodded, unable to stem his own tears now, “I know. I’ve done so many things. I don’t deserve another chance. I really don’t. I know that. That’s why ... that’s why ...”
“Why what?” Skandar asked, wiping his eyes and looking up at William.
“I’m going to let you go.” William gasped, sobbing now as he held Skandar’s hands to his face, “I’ll give you your divorce, Teacup. I won’t fight for the boys. I won’t try and take anything that’s yours. All I want is for you to be happy. And I realized tonight that ... I don’t make you happy. I make you miserable. Oh God, I feel like I’ve woken up from a fucking nightmare. I have treated you so cruelly. I’ve done so many things.”
Skandar shook his head, “I don’t want to hear them. I don’t care what you did. If it’s over, it’s over. And there’s no point in us talking about what you’ve done.”
“I swear, unless I was absolutely smashed, I am certain I never cheated on you. I’m positive. I know there were times I probably revelled in the attention a bit much, but I ... I’m sure, Skan, and I have nothing to lose or gain by telling you that now.”
“You were smashed a whole lot, Will. And I’m not dumb.” Skandar sighed, slumping onto the sand and resting his head on his knees, “You fucking whored yourself out for fame. I know you fucked around on me. I know you did drugs. I know you did so much shit.”
“If I did drugs, it wasn’t because I intended to. I was drunk and ...”
“That’s an excuse?” Skandar asked, looking up at William, “You keep talking, Will, and all I hear are excuses, none of which I frankly give a shit about right now. You brought me back my boys and I’m grateful for that. That’s all I care about right now. I don’t want to hate you. Not right now, Will.”
William sat down next to Skandar, “I feel like ... like I’ve just woken up from a bad dream. Or from a night of being drunk. Only it’s been for the last few years. And now I realize I’m an absolute cunt. And I don’t want to be anymore. I’m so sorry, Skandar. I’m so sorry, Teacup.”
William pulled himself to Skandar, crying into his chest. He held onto Skandar as they sat on the sand. He didn’t know what else to say. He knew he wanted Skandar back in his life. He wanted Skandar and no one else except his boys. But he also knew he didn’t deserve Skandar’s love anymore. Not after the way he’d treated him.
“Will, we can make it work.” Skandar said quickly, clutching William with all his might, “Now you know, you can change. I can feel it already. I can feel my William again. Oh God, you can’t have this fucking epiphany and then leave me again. God, Will, please. I don’t care what you’ve done. I’m giving you another chance. Just come home and be home. Be my baby again. By my lover, my friend, my husband. Be what you swore you’d be when we were married. Be a father to those boys. Please, Will. Please. I’ve done this on my own for so long. I can’t do it again without knowing I didn’t at least try. Please. Be the man I married.”
William only cried harder into Skandar’s bare chest, clutching him with all his might. How could he have abused and neglected this man he held in his arms? How could he forfeit the greatest love he’d ever known in his life?
“I’m so sorry, Teacup.” William sobbed, “I’m so sorry. I’ve hurt you so much. I’m so sorry.”
“Just come home, Baby. Just come home. Please. Come home.” Skandar begged, “Don’t leave your Teacup. I could divorce you, but I’d still belong to you. I’ll always belong just to you.”
“Fuck me.” William cursed, “Fuck me with a giant fucking giant thing. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you.”
“You’re right, you don’t.” Skandar chuckled tearfully, kissing the top of William’s head, “Just stop being a complete tosser and start being a good William again, ok? William who loves Skandar?”
“I can try?” William said, doing his best not to cry, “I’ll try, Teacup. I’ll try and fix this, and if I can’t, I’ll understand if you still want this divorce. Just ... please ... please, Skan, please let me try.”
Skandar sighed, closing his eyes and doing his best to keep his smile in check as he buried his face in William’s hair. He felt an ebb of hope brimming within him. Was his William finally back?
- To Be Continued -
Jimmy refuses to go quietly into the night. Skandar and William try to save their marriage.