Things That Need To Be Said
It's 3:30 in the morning. I just got back home from Village Inn. I was there with Chris and Steven. Before that, we were at Eric's house with Eric, Laura, Ashley and Sean. It was there, after Laura, Ashley, and Sean left, that I realized who I truly am. I'm in need of attention all of the time. I want the feeling of belongingness. I crave it. I also realized that I will do anything for it. No matter who or what is in my way, I will remove it just to get what I need.
My name is Thomas John Koracin. I'm 20 years old. I lived in Lufkin, Texas from December 27, 2003 until August 20, 2004. I met a girl by the name Amanda Batson on Feburary 27, 2004. That night we had sex. I honestly thought that I would never see her again. On March 5, 2004 Amanda and I started dating. Only it wasn't your typical relationship. It was more of a long distance relationship more then anything. Everyday I thought about her. I really missed her. I would get to see her maybe once a week, but that wasn't good enough for me. I wanted to see her everyday I could. It made me sad when I couldn't. Everyday and every night I would see all of these happy couples go to the movies and wonder what I had ever done to deserve this type of torture. One night, Amanda came to town while I was still at work. She called and said that she was going to be in Lufkin, and I was excited. It had been about two weeks since I had saw her last. That was also the night where I had to stay late for a midnight showing of the movie "Troy" which meant I wouldn't be leaving until around 3:00 am. Knowing that I would be all alone, I called Amanda and hoped that she would come to visit me. She said that she would because she really missed me. She never showed up. Instead, she calls me at 2:45 and asks me if I was going to leave soon. I told her yes, and she replied "I'll meet you at your place." With that said, I completely forgot about the fact that she said she would visit me and never did. At 3:30, Amanda walks into my apartment. I'm upset now. I ask her what she did that night and she said "Me and Sara went to play pool with some guys." This is when I got hurt. I asked her why she would spend her night with some random dudes instead of spending time with her boyfriend who she supposedly missed so much. She never did answer that, she only apologized. I forgave but didn't forget. As I said earlier, I moved back to El Paso on August 20, 2004. That first night I was away, I talked to Amanda. I didn't talk to her for at least another two weeks.
I got a call one night while I was out having fun with Tommy and Jessica from a private number. I didn't answer and hoped that they would leave a message so that I would know who they were. It was Amanda's friend Sara, who wasn't nessarily my favorite person in world. She said that I need to talk to my girlfriend because what Amanda was doing to me wasn't right at all. After hearing this, I called Amanda. She didn't answer. I tried to call Amanda for the next 2 weeks at least twice a day. But she would never answer. After I did finally get ahold of her, she said that nothing was going on that I should be worried about. She said that she loved me, and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I called Sara the following day. Sara told me that the night I left, they went to a party and Amanda ended up meeting some guy. After they talked for awhile, Sara decided that she wanted to go home. And since Amanda was staying with Sara for the night, Amanda had to go as well. They got back to Sara's, yet Amanda didn't get out of the car. She went back to the party to meet that guy. Amanda stayed over at that guy's house the day I left town. She talked to me outside of his apartment. I called Amanda again that same day and told her that I want to know the truth about what's going on over there. About a week later, we finally talked. It was our six month anniversary when she told the guy that she couldn't be with him anymore. That she felt bad about what she was doing to me. She told me that she was sorry. I asked her how long did it take before you slept with him. A couple days. It took her a couple days to completly shatter my plans of marrying her and worse yet to break my heart. I can honestly say that she was the one girl that I could have spent my entire life with and been happy with it. I really wanted to marry her, I loved her with all my heart. But apperently, love means nothing when sex is involved.
I didn't write all that because I'm sad about what happened. I wrote it because I feel that I needed to get it off my chest. I have a few other things to get off as well, but they won't be as long.
I want to date Laura. I have wanted to since the day I met her. But I'm hesitant due to the fact that Eric and her have a past. Not only that, but she just got out of a very serious relationship. I also think that she is going to go back to him. I really don't want her to, but I think no matter what I say she's going to.
Chris and Steven are the two friends that sometimes I wish I didn't have. I can have a great time with these guys, but they can get rather annoying rather quickly. Steven will annoy me alot quicker and more often the Chris will. Mainly because Steven is afraid to be himself. At least, that's how I look at it.
Stephanie.....I just have no respect for her anymore. She talked all this crap about us getting married so that she can get some extra money from the Navy. Granted, I'm glad she changed her mind, but she knew that I liked her. Then when I ask her if she has a boyfriend, she says that she has one in Maryland. I asked her why in Maryland and she comes back with "Cuz guys down here are immature." IMMATURE!!!! F**K YOU STEPHANIE!!!!
Eric is my longest and closest friends here. I've known this guy for almost 8 years. He's seen me at my best and at my worst and vice versa. Yet he knows NOTHING about me. I guess he doesn't have to. After all, he has other friends right. Who am I?
Ashley Dotson. I hate this girl with every bit of my soul. She was talking tonight about how she feels sorry about the guys who lose thier virginity to some random slut who's been with a bunch of dudes. As if she wasn't a random slut who took this dude's virginity. She never gave a crap about me. How could I have been so stupid.
My name is Thomas John Koracin. I am 20 years old. I consider myself a recovering alcoholic. I drank every night I was in Lufkin when I missed my girlfriend, my family, my friends back home, or anything that wasn't around when I needed it the most. I have been through a lot of stuff in the last 20 years, and I sure as hell hope that I never go through it again. I regret nothing that I have said, in fact I inforce it. I'm not under the influence of anything, so you can't say that I'm just talking drunk. I have concluded that I am fake and that I try to be what everyone wants me to be so that I get the acceptance that I crave and cherish so much. But for some reason, it always hurts so much more in the end then before I had it.
Good night everybody.
My name is Thomas John Koracin. I'm 20 years old. I lived in Lufkin, Texas from December 27, 2003 until August 20, 2004. I met a girl by the name Amanda Batson on Feburary 27, 2004. That night we had sex. I honestly thought that I would never see her again. On March 5, 2004 Amanda and I started dating. Only it wasn't your typical relationship. It was more of a long distance relationship more then anything. Everyday I thought about her. I really missed her. I would get to see her maybe once a week, but that wasn't good enough for me. I wanted to see her everyday I could. It made me sad when I couldn't. Everyday and every night I would see all of these happy couples go to the movies and wonder what I had ever done to deserve this type of torture. One night, Amanda came to town while I was still at work. She called and said that she was going to be in Lufkin, and I was excited. It had been about two weeks since I had saw her last. That was also the night where I had to stay late for a midnight showing of the movie "Troy" which meant I wouldn't be leaving until around 3:00 am. Knowing that I would be all alone, I called Amanda and hoped that she would come to visit me. She said that she would because she really missed me. She never showed up. Instead, she calls me at 2:45 and asks me if I was going to leave soon. I told her yes, and she replied "I'll meet you at your place." With that said, I completely forgot about the fact that she said she would visit me and never did. At 3:30, Amanda walks into my apartment. I'm upset now. I ask her what she did that night and she said "Me and Sara went to play pool with some guys." This is when I got hurt. I asked her why she would spend her night with some random dudes instead of spending time with her boyfriend who she supposedly missed so much. She never did answer that, she only apologized. I forgave but didn't forget. As I said earlier, I moved back to El Paso on August 20, 2004. That first night I was away, I talked to Amanda. I didn't talk to her for at least another two weeks.
I got a call one night while I was out having fun with Tommy and Jessica from a private number. I didn't answer and hoped that they would leave a message so that I would know who they were. It was Amanda's friend Sara, who wasn't nessarily my favorite person in world. She said that I need to talk to my girlfriend because what Amanda was doing to me wasn't right at all. After hearing this, I called Amanda. She didn't answer. I tried to call Amanda for the next 2 weeks at least twice a day. But she would never answer. After I did finally get ahold of her, she said that nothing was going on that I should be worried about. She said that she loved me, and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I called Sara the following day. Sara told me that the night I left, they went to a party and Amanda ended up meeting some guy. After they talked for awhile, Sara decided that she wanted to go home. And since Amanda was staying with Sara for the night, Amanda had to go as well. They got back to Sara's, yet Amanda didn't get out of the car. She went back to the party to meet that guy. Amanda stayed over at that guy's house the day I left town. She talked to me outside of his apartment. I called Amanda again that same day and told her that I want to know the truth about what's going on over there. About a week later, we finally talked. It was our six month anniversary when she told the guy that she couldn't be with him anymore. That she felt bad about what she was doing to me. She told me that she was sorry. I asked her how long did it take before you slept with him. A couple days. It took her a couple days to completly shatter my plans of marrying her and worse yet to break my heart. I can honestly say that she was the one girl that I could have spent my entire life with and been happy with it. I really wanted to marry her, I loved her with all my heart. But apperently, love means nothing when sex is involved.
I didn't write all that because I'm sad about what happened. I wrote it because I feel that I needed to get it off my chest. I have a few other things to get off as well, but they won't be as long.
I want to date Laura. I have wanted to since the day I met her. But I'm hesitant due to the fact that Eric and her have a past. Not only that, but she just got out of a very serious relationship. I also think that she is going to go back to him. I really don't want her to, but I think no matter what I say she's going to.
Chris and Steven are the two friends that sometimes I wish I didn't have. I can have a great time with these guys, but they can get rather annoying rather quickly. Steven will annoy me alot quicker and more often the Chris will. Mainly because Steven is afraid to be himself. At least, that's how I look at it.
Stephanie.....I just have no respect for her anymore. She talked all this crap about us getting married so that she can get some extra money from the Navy. Granted, I'm glad she changed her mind, but she knew that I liked her. Then when I ask her if she has a boyfriend, she says that she has one in Maryland. I asked her why in Maryland and she comes back with "Cuz guys down here are immature." IMMATURE!!!! F**K YOU STEPHANIE!!!!
Eric is my longest and closest friends here. I've known this guy for almost 8 years. He's seen me at my best and at my worst and vice versa. Yet he knows NOTHING about me. I guess he doesn't have to. After all, he has other friends right. Who am I?
Ashley Dotson. I hate this girl with every bit of my soul. She was talking tonight about how she feels sorry about the guys who lose thier virginity to some random slut who's been with a bunch of dudes. As if she wasn't a random slut who took this dude's virginity. She never gave a crap about me. How could I have been so stupid.
My name is Thomas John Koracin. I am 20 years old. I consider myself a recovering alcoholic. I drank every night I was in Lufkin when I missed my girlfriend, my family, my friends back home, or anything that wasn't around when I needed it the most. I have been through a lot of stuff in the last 20 years, and I sure as hell hope that I never go through it again. I regret nothing that I have said, in fact I inforce it. I'm not under the influence of anything, so you can't say that I'm just talking drunk. I have concluded that I am fake and that I try to be what everyone wants me to be so that I get the acceptance that I crave and cherish so much. But for some reason, it always hurts so much more in the end then before I had it.
Good night everybody.