hello wonderful world of livejournaling
Well its been a damn long time, but prolly not long enough. I have one degree under my belt and well, it didn't get my very far. I'm a line cook making a whopping $11 and hour and let me tell you I didn't need to go to school to get this job. It's a great company, huge and nationwide with more locations added every month so the option for promotion and transfer is very likely but...I just don't want it. I'm not going to be a line cook for the rest of my life. I love cooking and am still glad I went to school for it but lets be honest...you can't raise children working restaurant hours. I can't even imagin. Wow, that was a really roundabout way of explaining why in a few weeks I'm about to start on my second degree. The degree that will get me more money and more "normal" work hours. This isn't exactly what I wanted this entry to be about....
This morning was the first day of the rest of my life. Ya know, much like every morning. But today I'm stepping in the direction of correcting my physical health and therefor (I'm hoping) my mental health will follow. In my head I don't see a fat person. I guess I'm in denial or something because when I look in the mirror it just can't be me. Each time I yo yo up and down I gain weight in different places so even though I've weighed this much before I still look different. But then again...maybe it was because the last time I was this heavy I was 17 and supposedly your body changes alot between 17 and 22. And before you think in your head or say to me "your not that big" or "you don't look bad" just shut up. Because I'm not happy, and honestly I'm not healthy either. I'm meeting with a personal trainer at 4:15 today and I'm scared shitless. Maybe cuz I'm ashamed I couldn't do it myself and keep it off...but most likely because I don't like meeting people...or even more likely because I HATE going to the gym.
I also want to start riding horses again this spring. It's been about 8 or 9 years since I've even been on one but I loved it and it made me happy. Maybe I'll get around to that. My dad keeps bugging me to come to swim practice. Maybe I'll get around to that too. Its kinda hard to go to school full time, work full time and do anything else but sleep. Which I am VERY good at. I hate how much I sleep. I just can't get my ass out of bed, its embarassing actually.
Well that was depressing. Some things I love at the moment would have to be Lady Soverign, my purse, wearing hoop earings through my gauges, the one pair of jeans I wear every day, vanilla cola mentha lip shine and as always coffee :)
This morning was the first day of the rest of my life. Ya know, much like every morning. But today I'm stepping in the direction of correcting my physical health and therefor (I'm hoping) my mental health will follow. In my head I don't see a fat person. I guess I'm in denial or something because when I look in the mirror it just can't be me. Each time I yo yo up and down I gain weight in different places so even though I've weighed this much before I still look different. But then again...maybe it was because the last time I was this heavy I was 17 and supposedly your body changes alot between 17 and 22. And before you think in your head or say to me "your not that big" or "you don't look bad" just shut up. Because I'm not happy, and honestly I'm not healthy either. I'm meeting with a personal trainer at 4:15 today and I'm scared shitless. Maybe cuz I'm ashamed I couldn't do it myself and keep it off...but most likely because I don't like meeting people...or even more likely because I HATE going to the gym.
I also want to start riding horses again this spring. It's been about 8 or 9 years since I've even been on one but I loved it and it made me happy. Maybe I'll get around to that. My dad keeps bugging me to come to swim practice. Maybe I'll get around to that too. Its kinda hard to go to school full time, work full time and do anything else but sleep. Which I am VERY good at. I hate how much I sleep. I just can't get my ass out of bed, its embarassing actually.
Well that was depressing. Some things I love at the moment would have to be Lady Soverign, my purse, wearing hoop earings through my gauges, the one pair of jeans I wear every day, vanilla cola mentha lip shine and as always coffee :)