My friends list
I just performed one of my periodic friends list cleanups. And it occurred to me that it might be a good idea to tell folk upfront what my attitudes and preferences regarding my friends list are, rather than leaving them to guess.
First up, on the subject of fairly common friends list etiquette issues I've seen espoused by other folk - I don't do the automatically-reciprocating friending thing. I have folk on my friends list for one (or both) of two reasons, in general - either they write stuff that I'm interested in reading frequently enough that I want to have them show up on my friends page where I'll see them every day (rather than having to remember to check their LJ specifically); or I want them to be able to see "friends-only" posts that I occasionally write.
I DON'T subscribe to the idea that a person's presence or absence on my friends list is a sign of my esteem for them. There are some truly wonderful folk with LJs who I haven't friended coz they write stuff in their journals that's of little interest to me (usually day-to-day minutiae from folk who I have little day-to-day contact with). And there are folk on my friends list whose writings I find fascinating but with whom I have little if any personal contact or interaction. Sometimes it'll happen that I'll friend someone coz I'm interested in their stuff, then after a few months I'll find that I'm skimming their posts so I'll unfriend 'em again, only to find myself interested in their stuff again six months later (whereupon I'll re-friend them again). Yes, I really am that random and inconsistent! My friending and unfriending habits reflect my reading interests, not my affections. Is that clear?
I am perfectly ok with being added to other folks' friends lists or not as please them, and don't require them to ask permission of me first. Just as my friends list is my business, theirs is their business; I'm really not likely to get bent out of shape one way or another. (Well, unless there are other factors such as a squabble or somesuch involved, but those sorts of situations are rare in my life so I'm just including them here for completeness, yannow?)
The vast majority of the posts I make here are publically readable, but I do occasionally post friends-only stuff which is usually of a personal or emotional nature. And I have one opt-in friends filter, that being my "emotional stuff" filter, where I write about very strong stuff, do the occasional bit of venting, that sort of thing. Usually that doesn't get used for months on end, but if I'm having something difficult occur in my life it's useful to have a space where I *know* the folk reading are okay with hearing me let fly a bit more frankly than I generally do in more public situations.
So getting back to the current friends list prune - the folk I've unfriended are by and large either folk who I've dropped out of contact with and who don't post comments here any more, or folk who I don't have a lot to do with in general. In some cases, I don't even remember why it was that I friended them. If I've unfriended you, it almost certainly isn't personal - but if you want to be sure, feel free to ask me. If I've unfriended you and you do in fact read my LJ and would like to be on my friends list (or my "emotional stuff filter"), I'll happily re-instate you if you ask.
Any questions?
First up, on the subject of fairly common friends list etiquette issues I've seen espoused by other folk - I don't do the automatically-reciprocating friending thing. I have folk on my friends list for one (or both) of two reasons, in general - either they write stuff that I'm interested in reading frequently enough that I want to have them show up on my friends page where I'll see them every day (rather than having to remember to check their LJ specifically); or I want them to be able to see "friends-only" posts that I occasionally write.
I DON'T subscribe to the idea that a person's presence or absence on my friends list is a sign of my esteem for them. There are some truly wonderful folk with LJs who I haven't friended coz they write stuff in their journals that's of little interest to me (usually day-to-day minutiae from folk who I have little day-to-day contact with). And there are folk on my friends list whose writings I find fascinating but with whom I have little if any personal contact or interaction. Sometimes it'll happen that I'll friend someone coz I'm interested in their stuff, then after a few months I'll find that I'm skimming their posts so I'll unfriend 'em again, only to find myself interested in their stuff again six months later (whereupon I'll re-friend them again). Yes, I really am that random and inconsistent! My friending and unfriending habits reflect my reading interests, not my affections. Is that clear?
I am perfectly ok with being added to other folks' friends lists or not as please them, and don't require them to ask permission of me first. Just as my friends list is my business, theirs is their business; I'm really not likely to get bent out of shape one way or another. (Well, unless there are other factors such as a squabble or somesuch involved, but those sorts of situations are rare in my life so I'm just including them here for completeness, yannow?)
The vast majority of the posts I make here are publically readable, but I do occasionally post friends-only stuff which is usually of a personal or emotional nature. And I have one opt-in friends filter, that being my "emotional stuff" filter, where I write about very strong stuff, do the occasional bit of venting, that sort of thing. Usually that doesn't get used for months on end, but if I'm having something difficult occur in my life it's useful to have a space where I *know* the folk reading are okay with hearing me let fly a bit more frankly than I generally do in more public situations.
So getting back to the current friends list prune - the folk I've unfriended are by and large either folk who I've dropped out of contact with and who don't post comments here any more, or folk who I don't have a lot to do with in general. In some cases, I don't even remember why it was that I friended them. If I've unfriended you, it almost certainly isn't personal - but if you want to be sure, feel free to ask me. If I've unfriended you and you do in fact read my LJ and would like to be on my friends list (or my "emotional stuff filter"), I'll happily re-instate you if you ask.
Any questions?