Rebirth
So it has come to this place. This place I laugh and joke about. This place I brush off in passing comments by other people's lives who actually hold meaning. I talk and I talk and I talk to get all the voices out of my head so that I might actually be able to think cohesively for two seconds. So that I might be able to see what's right in front of me and appreciate it. So that I might be able to take steps forward in my life and actually get some where.
Breaking up with someone holds all kinds of interesting side plots, one of which is the feeling of moving forward but not really doing anything of significant action in the proceeding days. A lot has changed in my life, but I haven't done much. Just hang out with a few friends and talk. But what really is going on is that I'm starting to transform, to develop. I'm saying things and doing things that I never imagined I would ever do. But that I wanted to do. That I needed to do.
I hid myself from so many people, even from everyone here some of the time. It's hard to admit that you can't put yourself out there and that admission led to the downfall of a relationship. More importantly to the destruction of someone who I care about. I will not be able to find a good place for a while, to find acceptance and a penance for my actions. I will be feeling the pain and guilt for good amount of time.
But the these new emotions, though appearing negative and difficult, are what I need. They are shaping me, building my character and harding my resolve. They are giving me the one thing I never had and always desired, experience. And it feels invigorating.
"That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have."
There is always tomorrow.
Breaking up with someone holds all kinds of interesting side plots, one of which is the feeling of moving forward but not really doing anything of significant action in the proceeding days. A lot has changed in my life, but I haven't done much. Just hang out with a few friends and talk. But what really is going on is that I'm starting to transform, to develop. I'm saying things and doing things that I never imagined I would ever do. But that I wanted to do. That I needed to do.
I hid myself from so many people, even from everyone here some of the time. It's hard to admit that you can't put yourself out there and that admission led to the downfall of a relationship. More importantly to the destruction of someone who I care about. I will not be able to find a good place for a while, to find acceptance and a penance for my actions. I will be feeling the pain and guilt for good amount of time.
But the these new emotions, though appearing negative and difficult, are what I need. They are shaping me, building my character and harding my resolve. They are giving me the one thing I never had and always desired, experience. And it feels invigorating.
"That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have."
There is always tomorrow.