(no subject)
i'm drunk enough for the first time in what, two years?, so I finally have the guts to post here. hopefully i won't delete it.
I'm so so so sorry to anyone who cared about me, was worried about me, to all of you who supported me and encouraged me. I don't know what to say.... these past two years of my life have been so horrible. ive pushed everybody away - you guys, my irl friends, my brother and nephew, mny parents. I've been so depressed adn life has shit on me so bad.
see, about two years ago - when i stopped posting, i was abused, and betrayed by someone I trusted. I stopped going to my psych., went off my meds, dropped out of school, fell into a deep depression, tried suicide a couple times
i don't know why I stopped posting. I should have - I know you all would have supported me, probably have given me the strenght i needed. I mean, i've thought about you all so much - like every fucking. day. but I don't know, maybe because I wasn't "myself", wahtever that even is, i was afraid people would pull away... much like my irl friends and family have.
I know this is like 50% alcohol talking, but i want to start over so bad.
why am i posting here now. I don't know. I miss everyone. I miss having friends who didn't judge me so badly. I miss THIS.
edit: omg the RELIEF i felt just after posting this haha... what have I been doing? this is where i belong, whether anyone still reads or not.
I'm so so so sorry to anyone who cared about me, was worried about me, to all of you who supported me and encouraged me. I don't know what to say.... these past two years of my life have been so horrible. ive pushed everybody away - you guys, my irl friends, my brother and nephew, mny parents. I've been so depressed adn life has shit on me so bad.
see, about two years ago - when i stopped posting, i was abused, and betrayed by someone I trusted. I stopped going to my psych., went off my meds, dropped out of school, fell into a deep depression, tried suicide a couple times
i don't know why I stopped posting. I should have - I know you all would have supported me, probably have given me the strenght i needed. I mean, i've thought about you all so much - like every fucking. day. but I don't know, maybe because I wasn't "myself", wahtever that even is, i was afraid people would pull away... much like my irl friends and family have.
I know this is like 50% alcohol talking, but i want to start over so bad.
why am i posting here now. I don't know. I miss everyone. I miss having friends who didn't judge me so badly. I miss THIS.
edit: omg the RELIEF i felt just after posting this haha... what have I been doing? this is where i belong, whether anyone still reads or not.