the boy no one wants but everyone loves
the worst part about waking up from a dream like that is probably Sum-41. It was just another mindless dream with unfettered dream space, I was running through backyards in an afternoon that seemed to loop endlessly, and go nowhere. Every fence I jumped I ran into a new backyard that was exactly the same as the one I just hopped. I could turn left, right, into new houses and the next one would be the same. Like the Lost Woods in Zelda. Also there was some Anime, Winnie the Pooh, going on in the side alleys and it seemed very Japanese, harkening back to 10 years ago when I used to watch Sailor Moon and the like. Never Winnie the Pooh, I don't know where that nonsense came from, and I don't think it's ever been made into Anime form. The song towards the end gave away the biggest clue that this had to do with 10 years ago, and today. I know what the dream means, it's nothing new and it scares me to face it once again, in the years beyond my fall.
I've been talking to Melyna lately, about Ryan whenever we can sneak in a word when he leaves for a second. Which is bad, he's very insecure and can't stand people talking about him behind his back. Nothing bad, really, just talking at all about him. Like people are plotting against him. Very paranoid. I'm really okay with people talking about me; I think them having any concern for me is kind of swell. Thursday I called him, Derek and finally Melyna to hang out, and she was the first to respond. I met up with her for drinks and I kind of thought we'd delve into each other's lives a bit, but I had no idea how much. It was all kind of light and airy talk until she dropped "I'm thinking of breaking up with Ryan." At that point my jaw dropped and I knew I was going to get deep, and in a way I had to also for the sake of Ryan and for her as well. We talked about everything, about all their problems and all her hopes. Up until now I had this peachy-keen view of their relationship, the one they put on for everyone else when we're out and such. And seeing as how convincing she was (I believed it), I thought they were like that all the time. From Ryan's perspective, after going out for drinks over the past few years, I got another side of the story, that she was always pushing him around and he never had any say and if he started to have an opinion she'd threaten to end it. There'd always be fights but they kept it private. He is definitely a pushover when it comes to girls. Now I got the sweet terror's perspective. And I really understood her side of the story, because I'd also been with my friend when he acts like the world stops only for him, and no one else has any concerns.
I remember in May of 2009 when we went to see the Red Bull Air Races warmups or whatever, and what I thought would maybe be an hour excursion to Coronado for picture taking turned out to be something like 5 hours in the sun photographing every airplane, multiple times. Since he drove, I was stuck there. I ended up going to a bar nearby and watching a baseball game. Now I find out that she'd also been held hostage on other photographing trips. It's boring as fuck. I get that it's his hobby, and it's nice of someone to introduce you to their hobby but if it doesn't take, don't force it. I see why girlfriends all hate their xbox boyfriends who play for hours instead of paying attention to them. Honestly, if I had a girlfriend I'd probably be done with my xbox .. I don't see the need for it. But that isn't the case for me so I'll just keep my virtual friends.
We talked about all sorts of things, and Lord knows I'm the last person to give relationship advice seeing as how I've never been in one, but I do know people. That's the only kind of advice I can give, how to treat people. Maybe it's because of my self-study of the Bible and other religious scripture. I can see a lot of bad in a lot of my friends, but for the most part they're decent people. She's a very passionate, fiery Latina. I love her, she's the sweetest friend, always very complimenting like the times when I'd be all dressed up nice after an interview and she'd go on and on about how sexy I looked and I would just blush hard, or back earlier this year when all 3 brothers had girlfriends and it was either New Year's Party or Jared's birthday 8 days later when we were all having the gayest time celebrating and drinking, and even though then I knew in my head this would only be very temporary, I cherished it. A month later for Crystal's birthday, Crystal and Melyna and I hotboxed her car, and had the silliest time in there, and the girls would talk about their boyfriends and I got in on some good girl-talk and gave some good "people advice" - see what I was talking about - and high and drunk they kissed me and it was all just old frivolity like it used to be in my golden years. They were all telling me that I'm so great and so unlike their boyfriends and how they wished all guys could be like me. I felt pretty damn good about myself. It was Crystal's 21st birthday and Derek was in a bad mood so that kind of ruined her night, no sweet 21st bday ass or anything. I remember her being sleepy on the couch and cuddling with me instead of her boyfriend who was sitting on the same couch. That night I think Crystal broke up with Derek. Not that she didn't have it in mind before we'd talked, but I guess the way she'd been treated for the past month and everything .. it sort of cleared her head. Which is great because she found this Marine like a month later and she's been with him ever since, even moved from San Diego to Oceanside to be with him. Since then Melyna and I have been pals, and I've always felt close to her because of this bond we have, the truth about our friend Ryan. I know who he is, what his tendencies are and such. His personality is basically the same as it was when I first met him in 2006, and I could go back to people who've barely hung out with him but have known him since then, like Phan, Kevin, Divya, Biskey, Josh, etc. They'd all say the same thing, he is the same person because you are who you are. Even with Lisa, his long time secret girlfriend from back home that he kept from us for years, he was still the same person .. she didn't change him. (Who, by the way, is apparently still texting him and contacting him even after I've been telling him for YEARS to stop conversing with.) Melyna did, she's that forceful of a personality. And she changed him for the better. He became a boyfriend, meaning he developed as a man responsible for the care of a woman. He didn't just ignore Melyna like he did Lisa, toy with her and then forget her. He had to work for Melyna, to keep her, and he enjoyed being with her. He would smile a lot more than he used to. Reasons why I'm so glad she was with him. Now of course when she wasn't around he'd tell me about how miserable he was and he was bowing to her every whim, which I half-believed but half saw as his earnestness to be a king to himself as he normally was. You know, watch TV shows on HIS time, movies, do things HE wants to do, drink at HIS bars and not others or even try new ones. So she was tough. Now I'd had her side of the story.
I helped her clear her head, and she'd resolved to letting him know her concerns in a manner that would elicit a more positive outcome. I didn't want them to breakup, and I did my best to let her know that they're good for each other. But I also told her not to waste time, whether you make changes for the better or drop the whole thing. As I said, "Being 30, with my 20's behind me and not a thing to show for it, I know not to waste time." Putting on a facade doesn't help the relationship in any way. Later that night we both went over there. We knew that all 3 of them would know we'd been out drinking and talking for a very long time. First thing I heard from upstairs was the sound of them fighting. She's really loud, and he's very defensive. But they had to do it. Nothing gets solved by silence. They fought for a while and then it subsided, and the 3 of us downstairs went back to talking about movies or whatever. I left knowing that for better or worse, they'd made a difference.
I really hope Ryan doesn't think this is another one of those quick-change scenarios, where again he does everything she says and pleases her in every way so that he doesn't upset her. It's not about that, I even told her to her face that I wish Ryan would show a little more backbone with her, and stand firm on some things. He's got to stop being that little whimpering dog with its tail between its legs. But he also needs to understand her, what she's going through, her needs and concerns. Just be two strong people in love with each other, or not at all. But don't waste time. I haven't heard from Ryan since that night, I called him a few times but no response. I'm sure he's mad and sees it as interfering. Strange that he never saw it as interfering when we'd go out drinking and he'd bitch to me about her, basically the same thing. I guess he doesn't approve of me being her friend like that. I've backed him up plenty of times, this is the one time I've backed up my other friend .. her. I hope it works out for them, because as I said to her, if this thing goes bad and they break up, it's the end of us as well. I can't be her friend, and eventually Ryan and I will be friends again. Which is too bad, because I have a ton of guy friends as it is. She's a nice kid, and I've grown to love the fiery Latina that she is. She loves me too. She's said so all the time, when we're all hanging out, and because of Ryan's insecurities I can never say it back with him right there. I feel bad even hugging her around him. So I finally got my one chance to say it back, just so that she'd hear it from me once if never again. Even paid her back the kiss on the cheek she and Crystal gave me, months ago. They're sweet kids, and I hope the best for them.
[sooner, not later]
I've been talking to Melyna lately, about Ryan whenever we can sneak in a word when he leaves for a second. Which is bad, he's very insecure and can't stand people talking about him behind his back. Nothing bad, really, just talking at all about him. Like people are plotting against him. Very paranoid. I'm really okay with people talking about me; I think them having any concern for me is kind of swell. Thursday I called him, Derek and finally Melyna to hang out, and she was the first to respond. I met up with her for drinks and I kind of thought we'd delve into each other's lives a bit, but I had no idea how much. It was all kind of light and airy talk until she dropped "I'm thinking of breaking up with Ryan." At that point my jaw dropped and I knew I was going to get deep, and in a way I had to also for the sake of Ryan and for her as well. We talked about everything, about all their problems and all her hopes. Up until now I had this peachy-keen view of their relationship, the one they put on for everyone else when we're out and such. And seeing as how convincing she was (I believed it), I thought they were like that all the time. From Ryan's perspective, after going out for drinks over the past few years, I got another side of the story, that she was always pushing him around and he never had any say and if he started to have an opinion she'd threaten to end it. There'd always be fights but they kept it private. He is definitely a pushover when it comes to girls. Now I got the sweet terror's perspective. And I really understood her side of the story, because I'd also been with my friend when he acts like the world stops only for him, and no one else has any concerns.
I remember in May of 2009 when we went to see the Red Bull Air Races warmups or whatever, and what I thought would maybe be an hour excursion to Coronado for picture taking turned out to be something like 5 hours in the sun photographing every airplane, multiple times. Since he drove, I was stuck there. I ended up going to a bar nearby and watching a baseball game. Now I find out that she'd also been held hostage on other photographing trips. It's boring as fuck. I get that it's his hobby, and it's nice of someone to introduce you to their hobby but if it doesn't take, don't force it. I see why girlfriends all hate their xbox boyfriends who play for hours instead of paying attention to them. Honestly, if I had a girlfriend I'd probably be done with my xbox .. I don't see the need for it. But that isn't the case for me so I'll just keep my virtual friends.
We talked about all sorts of things, and Lord knows I'm the last person to give relationship advice seeing as how I've never been in one, but I do know people. That's the only kind of advice I can give, how to treat people. Maybe it's because of my self-study of the Bible and other religious scripture. I can see a lot of bad in a lot of my friends, but for the most part they're decent people. She's a very passionate, fiery Latina. I love her, she's the sweetest friend, always very complimenting like the times when I'd be all dressed up nice after an interview and she'd go on and on about how sexy I looked and I would just blush hard, or back earlier this year when all 3 brothers had girlfriends and it was either New Year's Party or Jared's birthday 8 days later when we were all having the gayest time celebrating and drinking, and even though then I knew in my head this would only be very temporary, I cherished it. A month later for Crystal's birthday, Crystal and Melyna and I hotboxed her car, and had the silliest time in there, and the girls would talk about their boyfriends and I got in on some good girl-talk and gave some good "people advice" - see what I was talking about - and high and drunk they kissed me and it was all just old frivolity like it used to be in my golden years. They were all telling me that I'm so great and so unlike their boyfriends and how they wished all guys could be like me. I felt pretty damn good about myself. It was Crystal's 21st birthday and Derek was in a bad mood so that kind of ruined her night, no sweet 21st bday ass or anything. I remember her being sleepy on the couch and cuddling with me instead of her boyfriend who was sitting on the same couch. That night I think Crystal broke up with Derek. Not that she didn't have it in mind before we'd talked, but I guess the way she'd been treated for the past month and everything .. it sort of cleared her head. Which is great because she found this Marine like a month later and she's been with him ever since, even moved from San Diego to Oceanside to be with him. Since then Melyna and I have been pals, and I've always felt close to her because of this bond we have, the truth about our friend Ryan. I know who he is, what his tendencies are and such. His personality is basically the same as it was when I first met him in 2006, and I could go back to people who've barely hung out with him but have known him since then, like Phan, Kevin, Divya, Biskey, Josh, etc. They'd all say the same thing, he is the same person because you are who you are. Even with Lisa, his long time secret girlfriend from back home that he kept from us for years, he was still the same person .. she didn't change him. (Who, by the way, is apparently still texting him and contacting him even after I've been telling him for YEARS to stop conversing with.) Melyna did, she's that forceful of a personality. And she changed him for the better. He became a boyfriend, meaning he developed as a man responsible for the care of a woman. He didn't just ignore Melyna like he did Lisa, toy with her and then forget her. He had to work for Melyna, to keep her, and he enjoyed being with her. He would smile a lot more than he used to. Reasons why I'm so glad she was with him. Now of course when she wasn't around he'd tell me about how miserable he was and he was bowing to her every whim, which I half-believed but half saw as his earnestness to be a king to himself as he normally was. You know, watch TV shows on HIS time, movies, do things HE wants to do, drink at HIS bars and not others or even try new ones. So she was tough. Now I'd had her side of the story.
I helped her clear her head, and she'd resolved to letting him know her concerns in a manner that would elicit a more positive outcome. I didn't want them to breakup, and I did my best to let her know that they're good for each other. But I also told her not to waste time, whether you make changes for the better or drop the whole thing. As I said, "Being 30, with my 20's behind me and not a thing to show for it, I know not to waste time." Putting on a facade doesn't help the relationship in any way. Later that night we both went over there. We knew that all 3 of them would know we'd been out drinking and talking for a very long time. First thing I heard from upstairs was the sound of them fighting. She's really loud, and he's very defensive. But they had to do it. Nothing gets solved by silence. They fought for a while and then it subsided, and the 3 of us downstairs went back to talking about movies or whatever. I left knowing that for better or worse, they'd made a difference.
I really hope Ryan doesn't think this is another one of those quick-change scenarios, where again he does everything she says and pleases her in every way so that he doesn't upset her. It's not about that, I even told her to her face that I wish Ryan would show a little more backbone with her, and stand firm on some things. He's got to stop being that little whimpering dog with its tail between its legs. But he also needs to understand her, what she's going through, her needs and concerns. Just be two strong people in love with each other, or not at all. But don't waste time. I haven't heard from Ryan since that night, I called him a few times but no response. I'm sure he's mad and sees it as interfering. Strange that he never saw it as interfering when we'd go out drinking and he'd bitch to me about her, basically the same thing. I guess he doesn't approve of me being her friend like that. I've backed him up plenty of times, this is the one time I've backed up my other friend .. her. I hope it works out for them, because as I said to her, if this thing goes bad and they break up, it's the end of us as well. I can't be her friend, and eventually Ryan and I will be friends again. Which is too bad, because I have a ton of guy friends as it is. She's a nice kid, and I've grown to love the fiery Latina that she is. She loves me too. She's said so all the time, when we're all hanging out, and because of Ryan's insecurities I can never say it back with him right there. I feel bad even hugging her around him. So I finally got my one chance to say it back, just so that she'd hear it from me once if never again. Even paid her back the kiss on the cheek she and Crystal gave me, months ago. They're sweet kids, and I hope the best for them.
[sooner, not later]