(no subject)
My emotions are a total rollar coaster. When I'm with my friends I feel invincible but as soon as I'm left alone with my thoughts I feel worse. Boot camp, pilates, yoga, and belly dance only procrastinate the pain. I'm not a perfect person and I know that I've screwed up alot of things. I'm willing to change them. I'm willing to move forward. There's so many things I want to change about myself. I'm trying to find my own self happiness. I'll admit, before I have depended on guys for happiness but now I realize I have to make my own. I'm on my way but I'm not there yet. I don't even want to look for another guy to replace the previous one I just want to work on myself. There is so much growing up that I need to do but until then I'm just going to take one day at a time. I'm going to stop and actually think about the consequences of my decisions. I'm ready to be an independant person but it's not easy at all. There's so many things that I miss about him and so many things that I don't. I'm tired of feeling sick to my stomach and worrying about everything that he does. I have to pace myself and not get carried away with thoughts. I just hope that he forgives me. I still love him.