(no subject)
I just feel so god damned depressed right now. i dont know what to do with myself I'm so back and fourth. My brain, my body, everything in me WANTS to be happy. And I try my best to do so and do the things I feel I need to do. Then I eat or drink or smoke or wtf ever and feel guilty and want to do more. I hate how lonely I feel. I hate how my house is ran, how the second I get on here I'm waking up jerry and or who ever is in the living room. I feel like I can't do the things I want in my own house. I feel out of control of the things that are happening. I feel like I know I need to be grown up but I need my parents more than ever right now and they are both- similar in that they don't communicate or help me much. Its driving me insane to feel the way I feel. I more than anything, just want some one to talk to but I don't want to bother anyone. If I thought it wouldnt hurt anyone I would kill myself today. I am the quitter.