Sigh
I just realized that I haven't been updating this journal... oops.
Anyway, an update on my life. I'm working 2 real life jobs and a semi job online. Only one of them pays... *shakes a fist*
I'm an intern for a programming company and a fast food clerk. I'm being screwed over on hours for my fast food job and it's the only job that pays. About that job... I'm making a little more than minimum wage for my work. I've been employed for a bit over 2 years, granted I've only worked 18 months of that and I still haven't gotten a review or raise. I've worked the required continuous 6 months to get a review but yeah... that's not happening. I'm over 18 and I am a good employee with a good history. Minors that are in high school and smoking weed are making almost a dollar per hour more than me just for training. They just started. I asked my manager about that and she said that there wasn't anything she could do about it. Then she told me that I shouldn't talk about it because the owner would fire me if he knew that I found out what someone else was making.
It's not my manager's fault. She's awesome. It's just the owner of the company. I can't do alot about it besides getting a new job. I've been looking but there isn't anything better than the job I have. As annoying as it is my job is a hell of alot better than my first fast food job. I'm just biding my time until I get an employment offer from the programming company I am interning with.
My programming internship is more annoying than anything right now. I'm stalled at getting my development environment created because I can't get linux to work right. Everything but my wireless is fine. Without my wifi I can't get internet access. Without internet access I can't build the environment properly. Before someone mentions jacking into the router with a cable, I can do that but I can't do that all the time. I'm waiting until I can get the router into the basement next to my desktop. I'll probably use my laptop to develop and my desktop for play. That's going to take two weeks and I can't wait two weeks.
Then here is my semi-job online. I'm the layout designer for Storm-Artists.net (Yes, I'm EpochWolf on Storm-Artists.net) The sad thing is I'm doing more troubleshooting, security, and optimizing work than layout design. I really care about the site but I'm so busy with my two jobs that I can't schedule myself time for other things.
Okay, being busy. My fast food job is a scheduling nightmare. My work week starts on Wednesday. Yes, Wednesday. What the hell... It's Monday night for me right now. I'm working Tuesday all day. I have no damn clue what I work Wednesday. I can't schedule anything with my friends or my second job until tomorrow night. Then it's all to hell because my programming stuff is unpredictable. I'm already behind and very stressed because I'm behind. I don't know what I'm doing and I want to learn but I can't find out the information. It's not easy to find. I need to setup a server and compile some stuff from source and other things like that and then build myself tools and then move to something productive. The problem is I have little direction and no help. I'm so afraid to call and ask for help. I'm totally lost in my lack of understanding. Even worse, I've never developed any time management skills and I'm off the deep end in crap.
On top of all this it gets worse. I'm a perfectionist. A lazy perfectionist. Yes there is such a thing. I'm very hard on myself if I don't measure up to standards even God doesn't try to attain. I rarely measure up to my goals. So I never set goals. At my fast food job I can't just pick something to do if there are no customers around. I need a manager to tell me what to. With programming I just need a list of bullet points and I can do it.
I had intended to rant more and write more but I'm getting tired. I just want to quit my fast food job and program full time. I want a predictable schedule so I can build a routine to help me sort out my busy life. I just wanna quit. But I can't. I can't quit my fast food job because I really need money to pay for college. I can't quit my programming job because it's an opportunity of a lifetime that is likely worth millions of dollars of future money. I don't need to quit my layout designer position because I already don't do anything.
So, I keep on living and wondering just how this will turn out in the future. It better be bright or I'm going to be very pissed off.
Anyway, an update on my life. I'm working 2 real life jobs and a semi job online. Only one of them pays... *shakes a fist*
I'm an intern for a programming company and a fast food clerk. I'm being screwed over on hours for my fast food job and it's the only job that pays. About that job... I'm making a little more than minimum wage for my work. I've been employed for a bit over 2 years, granted I've only worked 18 months of that and I still haven't gotten a review or raise. I've worked the required continuous 6 months to get a review but yeah... that's not happening. I'm over 18 and I am a good employee with a good history. Minors that are in high school and smoking weed are making almost a dollar per hour more than me just for training. They just started. I asked my manager about that and she said that there wasn't anything she could do about it. Then she told me that I shouldn't talk about it because the owner would fire me if he knew that I found out what someone else was making.
It's not my manager's fault. She's awesome. It's just the owner of the company. I can't do alot about it besides getting a new job. I've been looking but there isn't anything better than the job I have. As annoying as it is my job is a hell of alot better than my first fast food job. I'm just biding my time until I get an employment offer from the programming company I am interning with.
My programming internship is more annoying than anything right now. I'm stalled at getting my development environment created because I can't get linux to work right. Everything but my wireless is fine. Without my wifi I can't get internet access. Without internet access I can't build the environment properly. Before someone mentions jacking into the router with a cable, I can do that but I can't do that all the time. I'm waiting until I can get the router into the basement next to my desktop. I'll probably use my laptop to develop and my desktop for play. That's going to take two weeks and I can't wait two weeks.
Then here is my semi-job online. I'm the layout designer for Storm-Artists.net (Yes, I'm EpochWolf on Storm-Artists.net) The sad thing is I'm doing more troubleshooting, security, and optimizing work than layout design. I really care about the site but I'm so busy with my two jobs that I can't schedule myself time for other things.
Okay, being busy. My fast food job is a scheduling nightmare. My work week starts on Wednesday. Yes, Wednesday. What the hell... It's Monday night for me right now. I'm working Tuesday all day. I have no damn clue what I work Wednesday. I can't schedule anything with my friends or my second job until tomorrow night. Then it's all to hell because my programming stuff is unpredictable. I'm already behind and very stressed because I'm behind. I don't know what I'm doing and I want to learn but I can't find out the information. It's not easy to find. I need to setup a server and compile some stuff from source and other things like that and then build myself tools and then move to something productive. The problem is I have little direction and no help. I'm so afraid to call and ask for help. I'm totally lost in my lack of understanding. Even worse, I've never developed any time management skills and I'm off the deep end in crap.
On top of all this it gets worse. I'm a perfectionist. A lazy perfectionist. Yes there is such a thing. I'm very hard on myself if I don't measure up to standards even God doesn't try to attain. I rarely measure up to my goals. So I never set goals. At my fast food job I can't just pick something to do if there are no customers around. I need a manager to tell me what to. With programming I just need a list of bullet points and I can do it.
I had intended to rant more and write more but I'm getting tired. I just want to quit my fast food job and program full time. I want a predictable schedule so I can build a routine to help me sort out my busy life. I just wanna quit. But I can't. I can't quit my fast food job because I really need money to pay for college. I can't quit my programming job because it's an opportunity of a lifetime that is likely worth millions of dollars of future money. I don't need to quit my layout designer position because I already don't do anything.
So, I keep on living and wondering just how this will turn out in the future. It better be bright or I'm going to be very pissed off.