Life updates!
Oh my goodness there is SO MUCH SNOW. Seriously. I had no real classes all last week because of cancellations and stuff. It's crazy and it's so slippery out it's hard to get places on campus at times. And it's supposed to snow again this week!
Working on classes...there's craptons of reading of course. But so far I like my classes, so that's good, right? Especially my psych ones...I think I'll survive them, haha. I'm working on ideas for my experiment for research methods, as well. I want to do something with phonetic symbolism and priming, building off this one study that used the Stroop Effect with phonetic color symbolism that I thought was really fascinating. But anyway that's just something I'm thinking about.
Also, I want to apply for this thing I found. Which is an internship over the summer in a research lab at Yale that does really fascinating research. I mean it looks SO cool...I really want to get it! I'm not the best candidate because I have no experience, but...if I could get a good enough recommendation...I really need to visit that one professor...nnngh, I sometimes regret that I don't naturally form relationships with professors. Like I don't form buddy-buddy relationships, really. But of course, you need them for this and grad school and everything in the frickin' world is designed for people with better social skills than me. Bitter? Me? No, no...
But I mean seriously. My social skills are not the best (not that they're AWFUL, I'm not a jerk or anything, I just...sometimes don't understand people and I don't feel driven to social. I'm more likely to quietly read a book at lunch than sit and chat with everyone), but...I mean that's how I AM, I'm just more reserved and prefer not to always mix work with friendship. I'm more cautious in relationships--I take a while to warm up sometimes. I like and trust many people but I'm not super-close with many people. It takes time for me to get close! And I have so, so much trouble recognizing and distinguishing faces. It makes me look like such a jerk but it's so HARD. Like over the break my dad and I were watching TV and he was like 'yeah, there's that new character' and I was like 'where?' The two actresses looked the same to me until I had stared at the woman's face for like ten minutes. According to my dad they aren't very similar looking, they just have the same color hair and skin tone. But I was like...that's a new actress? Really? I think people look alike who don't really look alike. And until I've seen a face many, many times it sometimes doesn't look familiar. I can't help it! But who'll ever believe that? It just sounds like an excuse.
But...it's just that--why do I HAVE to have such great social skills? I mean I'd LIKE to, but I can't just magically acquire them. Everyone just says to practice but I DO. I TRY. And I still have so much trouble. What's so terrible about me just not being that great at this? I'm reasonably nice. I try to be polite. I can work with others. I just...am not chatty. I don't understand people's signals. If people are just clear about what they want me to do then I do it. I just don't naturally seek out other people. If you talk to me I'll talk back, but I might not walk up to you. But that doesn't mean I don't have useful skills or I can't work hard. I CAN. I can do various things. I'm just not very social, so no one's ever gonna know I have good skills.
It just kind of bothers me that something that I just can't seem to change no matter how hard I try is basically going to be held against me for the rest of my life, is all. Bleh.
But, hopefully I can get at least one professor to like me enough to write one recommendation letter....I reeeeeally want to get this position, because it looks so awesome. But I feel like I'm not good at expressing that kind of thing in writing. People are like 'you're a good writer, therefore you should be good at cover letters and stuff', but I'm really not. Because I'm a FICTION writer. I'm good at writing about FICTIONAL SITUATIONS. I'm not good at expressing my passion about jobs or whatever. My nonfiction writing tends to be...blunt? It's just very functionalist. I say what needs to be said and that's that. There's no...you know, whatever you're supposed to say to convey all your feelings and make people like you or whatever. So...yeah. I have so much trouble with this kind of thing but people don't believe that I do. They just think I'm not trying or whatever, even though I really, really am. Hmph.
Once I hammer out some stuff for the app and update my resume, I'm going to go to CWS drop-in hours because they help students with polishing resumes and stuff...maybe they can help me make this look good? I mean...my resume is not great. I have no relevant work experience, I don't have a steady job...it needs a lot of polish, is what I'm saying. Because...yeah, the content alone is not gonna sell this. I have relevant EDUCATION, so that helps, but...yeah.
And I'm gonna visit my professor this week...I'll just drop by and say hi, maybe. Tell her my notes from her class are really helpful for research methods, haha...I keep referring back to them for stuff. Because I don't necessarily remember every detail of all the different procedures, so I go back and check stuff. I'm so happy I took advanced stat, I feel like I can actually understand what's being done in the research we're reading. And maybe I can ask her for advice about my experiment? I want to do a priming design but I'm not sure how to learn more about them. Just looking up experiments with priming might not point me to actual good designs, you know? But maybe she could recommend some resources I could look up. Like some study or book or something.
I should ask Tika about like...how to visit professors. Like how long you're supposed to stay and how often you're supposed to visit. I don't understand these things at all. Even with people I really like and want to see and hang out with, I never know how long/often you're supposed to visit people. I'm never sure, and I know people give off like 'it's time for you to leave' signals or whatever when they want to end meetings or whatever, but I don't know what they are...I've read about them, but I still can't figure it out. So advice would be helpful.
I have to keep an eye out for other stuff, too. I'm not good at networking and stuff, and I'm not good at finding job opportunities and stuff...but I have to keep hunting around. I mean there's got to be something out there for me...
In other news, I finally bought a used PS2. It was about 70 bucks for the system, controller, cables, memory card, and a game, so compared to game systems in general it was a good deal but my brain still totally went '70...that's a lot...don't spend money for a while...', ahaha...it's really fun, though! And it all seems to be working properly--it turns on, the controller works, the memory card saves properly, etc. Hopefully it'll continue to work well! It's super fun so far~~ The only disadvantage is that you need a TV to play it, so I have go down to the living room in our dorm. It's kinda awkward because I talk to myself while playing games, so...I feel awkward when people walk by...ahaha...also the living room is reserved at different times. Because people reserve it to watch TV shows. So I have to check the schedule, and stuff. And today is the Super Bowl of course, so it's packed down there! I guess people are really into all that football stuff? I don't get the appeal myself, but my dad likes it. And apparently a lot of people in my dorm do, too. Well, maybe tomorrow night there'll be some free time. I'm basically done with my assignments for the week. I'm going to start the reading for next week for my classes so I don't have to do all of it next week, there's a lot...but I won't do that like all day. And I'll maybe visit my professor tomorrow. I need to check her posted office hours...obviously I don't want to take up too much time because I recall last semester she had limited hours, because...I don't remember why off the top of my head, but she had somewhere else she had to be after 4, so she only had like an hour on certain days. I'll check what her hours are this semester. I mean I could just drop in briefly...I don't know, how well does someone need to know you to write a recommendation? She knows my work and I was in her class, but beyond that she doesn't know me. What does she need to know, though...? well...if I successfully meet with her maybe she won't think I'm shy or whatever. I feel like I sometimes give people this impression. Because the only time I went to her office hours was twice to ask her questions about this one project, and I just feel inhibited when I'm asking for help from someone I don't know well. I mean I want to respect the person and not use too much of their time/resources and stuff. So she might think I'm shy? I hope not. I mean...I feel like the second time I went to her office hours, I was pretty normal? The first time was, we all had to meet with her about our projects and I really didn't have an idea yet. The second time I had specific questions, so I was more confident, I guess. I mean I never know how, you know, casual or friendly or whatnot to act. Like I see a professor as someone to respect, not to be...you know, casual with. But I feel like that's not the culture at my college, so I come off as...I don't know, aloof or something.
Well, anyway, I want to do that...I want to ask for the letter like at least a month in advance and all the stuff is due March 31st, so I want to ask by like the end of the next two weeks, basically. But...does she know me well enough? I mean...how well does it need to be, huh? I work hard. I have an interest in statistics and research. I can do stuff. What more is there to say? I have no idea what people say in recommendation letters, honestly...
Well, I worked on the app a little tonight, and...I don't have a lot to add to my resume, I'll just stick that one thing on I guess. If I can get more done on the app I can maybe go to the CWS this week. Unless I get a big assignment to do or something, in that case I might have to put it off until next week. Plus I want to e-mail my dev psych professor about meeting her...I want to ask her about a paper I wrote last year. Because they say sending in a recent paper or lab report is 'optional but recommended' which really means required because seriously. And anyway, I wrote a paper for dev psych that I liked, but I never got it back so I don't know how it really was. So I want to ask her what she thought and if there's any way I could polish it up a bit. Then I'd have that, and I can go to CWS about the resume and the app...
The letter is the hardest part (as usual). It's actually also 'optional but recommended', but let's face it, that's basically a requirement. Especially since my app has weaknesses (lack of research experience being a major one)--having a professor vouch for me that I'm a good candidate would help a lot.
Honestly, I know way more people in the Office of Religious and Spiritual Life than in the psych department....well, I've been involved there all four years, so yeah. Oh well...just gotta hope my professor will be a) willing to write my a letter at all and b) able to write me a good one.
So...yeah. That's what I've been up to. Not really a lot, I guess, but I feel pretty busy, heh...but yeah. I'll probably only get busier as the semester goes on, too. Hopefully it won't snow so much classes are cancelled again this week, because I actually really like my classes.
Ooo, it got late...I've been trying to go to sleep earlier lately. You know, improve my sleep health or whatever. And I have nothing more to say here. So there you have it! Lately I've been doing classes, and also thinking about internships and video games. That's...yeah. Like me, I guess? Eheh...
Working on classes...there's craptons of reading of course. But so far I like my classes, so that's good, right? Especially my psych ones...I think I'll survive them, haha. I'm working on ideas for my experiment for research methods, as well. I want to do something with phonetic symbolism and priming, building off this one study that used the Stroop Effect with phonetic color symbolism that I thought was really fascinating. But anyway that's just something I'm thinking about.
Also, I want to apply for this thing I found. Which is an internship over the summer in a research lab at Yale that does really fascinating research. I mean it looks SO cool...I really want to get it! I'm not the best candidate because I have no experience, but...if I could get a good enough recommendation...I really need to visit that one professor...nnngh, I sometimes regret that I don't naturally form relationships with professors. Like I don't form buddy-buddy relationships, really. But of course, you need them for this and grad school and everything in the frickin' world is designed for people with better social skills than me. Bitter? Me? No, no...
But I mean seriously. My social skills are not the best (not that they're AWFUL, I'm not a jerk or anything, I just...sometimes don't understand people and I don't feel driven to social. I'm more likely to quietly read a book at lunch than sit and chat with everyone), but...I mean that's how I AM, I'm just more reserved and prefer not to always mix work with friendship. I'm more cautious in relationships--I take a while to warm up sometimes. I like and trust many people but I'm not super-close with many people. It takes time for me to get close! And I have so, so much trouble recognizing and distinguishing faces. It makes me look like such a jerk but it's so HARD. Like over the break my dad and I were watching TV and he was like 'yeah, there's that new character' and I was like 'where?' The two actresses looked the same to me until I had stared at the woman's face for like ten minutes. According to my dad they aren't very similar looking, they just have the same color hair and skin tone. But I was like...that's a new actress? Really? I think people look alike who don't really look alike. And until I've seen a face many, many times it sometimes doesn't look familiar. I can't help it! But who'll ever believe that? It just sounds like an excuse.
But...it's just that--why do I HAVE to have such great social skills? I mean I'd LIKE to, but I can't just magically acquire them. Everyone just says to practice but I DO. I TRY. And I still have so much trouble. What's so terrible about me just not being that great at this? I'm reasonably nice. I try to be polite. I can work with others. I just...am not chatty. I don't understand people's signals. If people are just clear about what they want me to do then I do it. I just don't naturally seek out other people. If you talk to me I'll talk back, but I might not walk up to you. But that doesn't mean I don't have useful skills or I can't work hard. I CAN. I can do various things. I'm just not very social, so no one's ever gonna know I have good skills.
It just kind of bothers me that something that I just can't seem to change no matter how hard I try is basically going to be held against me for the rest of my life, is all. Bleh.
But, hopefully I can get at least one professor to like me enough to write one recommendation letter....I reeeeeally want to get this position, because it looks so awesome. But I feel like I'm not good at expressing that kind of thing in writing. People are like 'you're a good writer, therefore you should be good at cover letters and stuff', but I'm really not. Because I'm a FICTION writer. I'm good at writing about FICTIONAL SITUATIONS. I'm not good at expressing my passion about jobs or whatever. My nonfiction writing tends to be...blunt? It's just very functionalist. I say what needs to be said and that's that. There's no...you know, whatever you're supposed to say to convey all your feelings and make people like you or whatever. So...yeah. I have so much trouble with this kind of thing but people don't believe that I do. They just think I'm not trying or whatever, even though I really, really am. Hmph.
Once I hammer out some stuff for the app and update my resume, I'm going to go to CWS drop-in hours because they help students with polishing resumes and stuff...maybe they can help me make this look good? I mean...my resume is not great. I have no relevant work experience, I don't have a steady job...it needs a lot of polish, is what I'm saying. Because...yeah, the content alone is not gonna sell this. I have relevant EDUCATION, so that helps, but...yeah.
And I'm gonna visit my professor this week...I'll just drop by and say hi, maybe. Tell her my notes from her class are really helpful for research methods, haha...I keep referring back to them for stuff. Because I don't necessarily remember every detail of all the different procedures, so I go back and check stuff. I'm so happy I took advanced stat, I feel like I can actually understand what's being done in the research we're reading. And maybe I can ask her for advice about my experiment? I want to do a priming design but I'm not sure how to learn more about them. Just looking up experiments with priming might not point me to actual good designs, you know? But maybe she could recommend some resources I could look up. Like some study or book or something.
I should ask Tika about like...how to visit professors. Like how long you're supposed to stay and how often you're supposed to visit. I don't understand these things at all. Even with people I really like and want to see and hang out with, I never know how long/often you're supposed to visit people. I'm never sure, and I know people give off like 'it's time for you to leave' signals or whatever when they want to end meetings or whatever, but I don't know what they are...I've read about them, but I still can't figure it out. So advice would be helpful.
I have to keep an eye out for other stuff, too. I'm not good at networking and stuff, and I'm not good at finding job opportunities and stuff...but I have to keep hunting around. I mean there's got to be something out there for me...
In other news, I finally bought a used PS2. It was about 70 bucks for the system, controller, cables, memory card, and a game, so compared to game systems in general it was a good deal but my brain still totally went '70...that's a lot...don't spend money for a while...', ahaha...it's really fun, though! And it all seems to be working properly--it turns on, the controller works, the memory card saves properly, etc. Hopefully it'll continue to work well! It's super fun so far~~ The only disadvantage is that you need a TV to play it, so I have go down to the living room in our dorm. It's kinda awkward because I talk to myself while playing games, so...I feel awkward when people walk by...ahaha...also the living room is reserved at different times. Because people reserve it to watch TV shows. So I have to check the schedule, and stuff. And today is the Super Bowl of course, so it's packed down there! I guess people are really into all that football stuff? I don't get the appeal myself, but my dad likes it. And apparently a lot of people in my dorm do, too. Well, maybe tomorrow night there'll be some free time. I'm basically done with my assignments for the week. I'm going to start the reading for next week for my classes so I don't have to do all of it next week, there's a lot...but I won't do that like all day. And I'll maybe visit my professor tomorrow. I need to check her posted office hours...obviously I don't want to take up too much time because I recall last semester she had limited hours, because...I don't remember why off the top of my head, but she had somewhere else she had to be after 4, so she only had like an hour on certain days. I'll check what her hours are this semester. I mean I could just drop in briefly...I don't know, how well does someone need to know you to write a recommendation? She knows my work and I was in her class, but beyond that she doesn't know me. What does she need to know, though...? well...if I successfully meet with her maybe she won't think I'm shy or whatever. I feel like I sometimes give people this impression. Because the only time I went to her office hours was twice to ask her questions about this one project, and I just feel inhibited when I'm asking for help from someone I don't know well. I mean I want to respect the person and not use too much of their time/resources and stuff. So she might think I'm shy? I hope not. I mean...I feel like the second time I went to her office hours, I was pretty normal? The first time was, we all had to meet with her about our projects and I really didn't have an idea yet. The second time I had specific questions, so I was more confident, I guess. I mean I never know how, you know, casual or friendly or whatnot to act. Like I see a professor as someone to respect, not to be...you know, casual with. But I feel like that's not the culture at my college, so I come off as...I don't know, aloof or something.
Well, anyway, I want to do that...I want to ask for the letter like at least a month in advance and all the stuff is due March 31st, so I want to ask by like the end of the next two weeks, basically. But...does she know me well enough? I mean...how well does it need to be, huh? I work hard. I have an interest in statistics and research. I can do stuff. What more is there to say? I have no idea what people say in recommendation letters, honestly...
Well, I worked on the app a little tonight, and...I don't have a lot to add to my resume, I'll just stick that one thing on I guess. If I can get more done on the app I can maybe go to the CWS this week. Unless I get a big assignment to do or something, in that case I might have to put it off until next week. Plus I want to e-mail my dev psych professor about meeting her...I want to ask her about a paper I wrote last year. Because they say sending in a recent paper or lab report is 'optional but recommended' which really means required because seriously. And anyway, I wrote a paper for dev psych that I liked, but I never got it back so I don't know how it really was. So I want to ask her what she thought and if there's any way I could polish it up a bit. Then I'd have that, and I can go to CWS about the resume and the app...
The letter is the hardest part (as usual). It's actually also 'optional but recommended', but let's face it, that's basically a requirement. Especially since my app has weaknesses (lack of research experience being a major one)--having a professor vouch for me that I'm a good candidate would help a lot.
Honestly, I know way more people in the Office of Religious and Spiritual Life than in the psych department....well, I've been involved there all four years, so yeah. Oh well...just gotta hope my professor will be a) willing to write my a letter at all and b) able to write me a good one.
So...yeah. That's what I've been up to. Not really a lot, I guess, but I feel pretty busy, heh...but yeah. I'll probably only get busier as the semester goes on, too. Hopefully it won't snow so much classes are cancelled again this week, because I actually really like my classes.
Ooo, it got late...I've been trying to go to sleep earlier lately. You know, improve my sleep health or whatever. And I have nothing more to say here. So there you have it! Lately I've been doing classes, and also thinking about internships and video games. That's...yeah. Like me, I guess? Eheh...