(no subject)
you know you're not doing enough when you're constantly annoyed by things you do. It's the first sign of a deteriorating relationship. The best thing to do is to spend some time apart and working on your fishing skills. Apart from the various surgical problems with this solution, I dont really like to fish ever since the time I first fished. I was having a fantastic time until mum actually caught something, then I became hysterical and bemused. Mum kept the fish to teach me a life lesson but she couldnt bring herself to cook it, so it just stayed in our freezer for a long time. Maybe this is where my over thinking things comes in.
Anyway. annoying myself. Which makes me want to spend less time with everyone else because I cant imagine anyone who would want to spend time with an antonym of profound, which makes me overcompensate and go on an organising and breezy social nightmare calender where I'm doing everything for everyone. Actually I'm feeling guilty about all the things I'm not doing and feel like I'm letting everyone down. I think that's why being inherently lazy should be a good thing. Then no one ever gets let down.
I want to be one of the people that cant drive when it's raining. Or never leaves messages on answering machines. Fears are strange things. I am not usually ruled by them. Or maybe I'm so ruled by them because I force myself to push through everything because it's good for me and all fears are useless and debilitating until you face them. The capable one. I know I couldnt be anything else based upon my upbringing. Practicality basically was our wallpaper...if wallpaper was anything but purely decorative.
There is always so much in my head, and now that i'm not allowed to watch so much tv, i cant turn it off as much. I've been sleeping more, which wiles the hours. Drugs are bad. They always work short term, but then there's the stupid practicality issue. Why do I have to be so god damn ethical.
There is this scary circle. I dont talk to people because it all sounds like crap, then more crap builds up, so the worst stuff rises to the surface and boom. Crap crap crap. I am enjoying the independence. Last year was a year where I needed people and Liz needing people wasnt something that usually came up. Now that things are more back together I can retreat behind my cute little walls of independence where no one has to go because that means they let you down.
oh dear. I know I have a problems. But that's why it works right?
Capable, ethical Liz. I know what my problem is. Ahhhh and I get it and feel better. I just need to readjust my surroundings. Then I can be a dag in peace.
Anyway. annoying myself. Which makes me want to spend less time with everyone else because I cant imagine anyone who would want to spend time with an antonym of profound, which makes me overcompensate and go on an organising and breezy social nightmare calender where I'm doing everything for everyone. Actually I'm feeling guilty about all the things I'm not doing and feel like I'm letting everyone down. I think that's why being inherently lazy should be a good thing. Then no one ever gets let down.
I want to be one of the people that cant drive when it's raining. Or never leaves messages on answering machines. Fears are strange things. I am not usually ruled by them. Or maybe I'm so ruled by them because I force myself to push through everything because it's good for me and all fears are useless and debilitating until you face them. The capable one. I know I couldnt be anything else based upon my upbringing. Practicality basically was our wallpaper...if wallpaper was anything but purely decorative.
There is always so much in my head, and now that i'm not allowed to watch so much tv, i cant turn it off as much. I've been sleeping more, which wiles the hours. Drugs are bad. They always work short term, but then there's the stupid practicality issue. Why do I have to be so god damn ethical.
There is this scary circle. I dont talk to people because it all sounds like crap, then more crap builds up, so the worst stuff rises to the surface and boom. Crap crap crap. I am enjoying the independence. Last year was a year where I needed people and Liz needing people wasnt something that usually came up. Now that things are more back together I can retreat behind my cute little walls of independence where no one has to go because that means they let you down.
oh dear. I know I have a problems. But that's why it works right?
Capable, ethical Liz. I know what my problem is. Ahhhh and I get it and feel better. I just need to readjust my surroundings. Then I can be a dag in peace.