is it different now?

[subatomicblower]

how did i ruin this? was i stupid enough not to see what i was doing? i dont know.. i dont even know if the change in the way we talk, the way we are now, even resembles how we were before.. how can i tell there is a difference when i can't even hear your voice. i can tell none the less.. and then i get scared, that it just wasnt anything more to you.. that it seems easy cause there wasnt anything there in the first place.. i keep thinking of the new radiohead song.. goes something like "just because you feel it doesnt mean its there".. is that me? i realize that it is.. and its a fucked up feeling you get, when you figure out a person doesnt feel the way you thought they did.. "thought" is the wrong word.. after all, the way i think is pretty fucked up.. im not very realistic when it comes to this stuff, i just expect that other people think the way i do.. i know, its stupid of me.. "hoped" is such a better word..

..i need to learn to stop hoping